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Happy Thursday everyone!  Don’t you worry your little hearts, your highly anticipated streamer article is here.  Since the Streamer Department is newer staple here at Razzball, I want to try something a little different this week.  90% of the players I write about on here I’ve written about before.  You can check those stats!  In order to stop boring you or going too in-depth with the obvious about how great a player’s matchup is, I want to keep my player descriptions short.  I also understand that all of these players are not available in every league, so I want to encourage you readers to ask more personally tailored questions in the comment section.  Josh McCown isn’t available in your league, but Teddy Bridgewater and Geno Smith are?  Gross!  But you’re probably playing Bridgewater and saying your prayers.  You don’t know what color to paint your living room?  Seafoam green!  This is why I’m here, and this is when your roster decisions matter most.  So ask me, ask Jay, ask Smokey or ask your Grandma!  The more input, the better chance we have of helping you win!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Can I tell you that due to the title of this post, I get some of the kinkiest followers on Twitter? Let’s just say I didn’t realize the “handcuff market” was so vast and expansive. Because these people are following me and supporting my efforts here, I feel it only necessary to give them a shout out. To all the weird fetish sites that obviously have never read a word of my writing, thanks for the follow and keep up the good work!

Now onto business, lots of handcuffs to discuss due to some evolving situations in Phoenix, Cleveland, Minnesota, and New Orleans…

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Hellooooo!  I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving weekend.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that you’re only reading this if you got into your league’s playoffs.  Congratulations!  Unfortunately, it also means you’re weak at one of your positions… On that note, ownership numbers are doing weird things right now, and there is some renewed position jostling on those teams with injuries (and those that are completely out of it).  So, while there are some new opportunities, half your league isn’t making roster moves.  That means those weekly gems that have been added and dropped repeatedly might be stuck on someone’s bench somewhere… I’ll do my best to provide some deep value, as that might be your only option during these important few weeks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For the past 13 weeks, I have presented you with fantasy football lineups that your league mates might set for you if you got drunk, passed out, and left your laptop open and logged in. While some were fitting you for a roman soldier helmet, others were laughing it up as they picked some of the shittiest options available for your lineup and changed your team name to something terribly immature. Well here’s another such group of players that appear to be a guaranteed one-way ticket to last place. But once again the joke’s on them as this lineup combined for 214.42 points in Yahoo! half point leagues and undoubtedly would have won any head-to-head match up.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the playoffs beginning this week, I want to begin by giving all of you who made the playoffs a big over-the-net high five. *slaps screen* Job well done! But now comes the hard part. The stakes are high for you, because winning can really help you with your ego trippin‘. Success gives you a free pass to have one with your friends. If you are feeling insecure then just remember that keepin’ the faith is better than crying. At the end of the day it’s all about me, myself and I, no one else can do it for you. Oh wait a sec, that’s what we are here for. Eye know, how could I forget? The following was brought to you by the De La Soul show I attended the other night.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Good afternoon my fellow Razzballers! Hopefully you’re slowly recovering from your tryptophan and gravy hangovers, and weren’t trampled in the wee hours of the morning by overzealous Black Friday shoppers. I spent the day watching football and stuffing my face with as much deliciousness as humanly possible. Well, that and writing posts chock full of fantasy goodies for all of my loyal readers here and on the Soccer site (shameless plug!). BTW our RCL’s over on Razzball Soccer kick-off tomorrow so join up now!…..Now back to our regularly scheduled post…. We have five more weeks left in the season and it’s already been a banner year for handcuffs. So much so that I actually thanked the Turkey Gods for making this post so easy to write from week to week. Now if I could only talk those same Gods into opening up some playing time for Devonta Freeman. But one thing at a time Ralph, one thing at a time.

As we always do at this time let’s take a look at a couple of handcuffs rapidly approaching fantasy relevancy.

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Happy busiest bar day of the year! Every year, your local bars will fill up the night before Thanksgiving with people coming home for the holidays or looking to get a jump start on their extended weekends. They may also be drowning the misery of the great family feast or the loneliness of having nowhere to go. It’s a time honored tradition of bar folk that is greater than the call of old St. Pat’s. Trust me on this one, I’ve spent too many years and have too many friends in the industry. But one thing is for sure, you can always bury your head in a glass of something to run away from whatever pains you. Let’s toast to that! Good, now that I got you all a little liquored up, let’s talk about fantasy football. *pours fresh glass of scotch* It’s a horrible horrible game that kills you a little more each and every week with the maddening calls you have to make as you not only try to figure out if “your guy” will perform but if his coach will give him enough snaps at being relevant. Okay, enough of this rambling. Let’s look at this week’s battle…

Note: All evaluations are based on 0.5 PPR, and ranks are from FantasyPros.com

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Man, I didn’t have my best week last week.  I guess it kind of evened things out from a few weeks ago when I seemingly couldn’t miss.  Oh well, even LeBron James has his off nights, right?  You know, like the game in Portland where I bought tickets as soon as possible to see the “King” play.  I’m not bitter or anything, promise.  Anyway, sorry if the advice didn’t work out last week, but remember as always, I’m not the one who hits submit on your lineup.

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With the fantasy football gods feasting on the blood, bones, and ligaments of running backs almost weekly, how did Ahmad Bradshaw make it this long? Bradshaw is so injury prone, Jordan Reed pities the Colts rusher. It seems like just when you begin to trust Bradshaw, he always gets hurt. Well, at least we had several weeks this season where he was trusted and startable. We should be thankful for that. I wonder at this point if we’ve seen the last of him. He’s 29 and seems to have broken nearly every bone in his body in the past three seasons. Too bad, I always felt he had one of the better skill sets when it came to being an effective rusher and receiver. Ahmad Bradshaw, we here at the Handcuff Report salute you for your many years of service as a handcuff. Stay fuzzy sweet prince…

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

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We’re going to have an abbreviated streamer post this week.  Sorry guys and 4 gals, but it does mean fewer boring stats! Last week, we took some gambles in the Streamer Department that paid off, and some that did not… but hey, sometimes ya gotta crack a couple of eggs to make an omelette, amiright?  I thought this was going to be a shortened post?  Me too… Ready, Set, Stream!

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I must admit on some occasions I went out like a punk
and a chump or a sucka or something to that effect

The Pharcyde, Runnin’ circa 1995

I got punked (World Star is NSFW) by Drew Stanton last week as he pushed aside my doubts and gave Michael Floyd and John Brown the gift of points while Aaron Rodgers is making Davante Adams owners double heckle him for his malfeasance. Marques Colston still sucks going 4 for 56 on 8 targets, and backing up my drop him for someone with upside or handcuff capabilities. OK, enough about last week. It hurts too much. I lost to Sky in our writers league by a count of 137 to 141.34. With that score, I would of beat any other team but his. On a good note, I wouldn’t want to lose to any one else, and yes, that’s me crushing on that hairy beast from the PNW.

Please, blog, may I have some more?