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Don’t worry, I’m not going to recommend that you listen to the Run DMC cover of the classic Aerosmith song in your Adidas jump suit this weekend [Jay’s Note: Awww, I’m already dressed up for it!], but I’m going to recommend that you start Raiders’ running back, Darren McFadden.

It’s disgusting to read, I get it.  How many times have we bought into McFadden only to be let down in the past?  If you can tally up the times, please let me know.  However, the matchup this week against the Browns is too good to pass up.  Since Tony Sparano has taken over as head coach of the Raiders, he’s made it a point to run the ball with McFadden.  McFadden has a total of 34 touches (six catches) for 141 yards and one touchdown in his two games under Sparano.

Meanwhile, Maurice Jones-Drew has just seven carries in those contests, so there’s no feeling that he’ll vulture McFadden.  The Browns, for whatever reason, are horrible against the run.  On the year, they’ve given up seven touchdowns to running backs, and they are coming off a game in which they were gashed by Denard Robinson.  Yes, they made a Jaguars running back actually look good.

You can’t trust McFadden to stay healthy for the entire season, but his matchup against the Browns is as good as it gets, and he’s our start of the week for Week 8.

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C.J. Spiller can’t catch a break man. Is there anyone else in the NFL as unlucky as Spiller? He’s like the Charlie Brown of professional football. When everyone else is getting chocolate bars and quarters on Halloween, C.J. is getting rocks. (Sad Trombone.) I’d like to tell you that I feel your pain, but I don’t. I avoided Spiller in drafts the way vegans avoid bacon. Which is the primary reason I don’t trust vegans, but anywho! Spiller is more than likely done for the foreseeable future and maybe the season. He was IR’ed with a designation to return, but his chances of returning from a separated shoulder are pretty slim. Just to make things that much more complicated, Fred Jackson decided to get hurt too, it’s a twofer! So now desperate fantasy owners are once again hitting the wavier wire to chase a third stringer promoted to the starting role. Enter Bryce Brown and Anthony Dixon.

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To be honest, Florida kinda sucks.  Not the state of course… just the football teams.  [Jay’s Note: Oh, I can make plenty of cases for the state sucking.]  And not even all of them… more like two of them, specifically… I mean, yeah, the Jags roughed up the Browns a bit last week, but say that out loud one more time and let me know if you feel any more validated as a Jaguars fan? Didn’t think so. Tampa Bay? They got two solid wins against former powerhouses, but does knowing what we know now about the Steelers and Saints make those wins lose a little luster? Don’t get me wrong, a win is a win, but then again, it’s really not.  Miami is, by far, the best team coming out of the state, and they’re the real deal (for real!).  They’re two parts sexy defense, and one part boring-but-game-managing offense.  I’m totally picking on the northern Florida teams this week.

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Pulling a title from the great run that Eddie Murphy had on Saturday Night Live reminds me of the sense of humor we need to have when we play fantasy football. He had so many great moments, actually too many to list, unlike my fantasy season that has had three good moments. This week, I’m going to look at a hot pickup vs. a draft day dud, and a receiver battle that the experts are pretty split on. As usual, this is my two cents and a look into my process to help you make your calls. I don’t want to get all blah-blah wordy-word on you, so let’s just dive in head first and bang this out… hunh, that sounds like my old hookup philosophy in my teens.

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If you decided to buck the industry trend this year and draft a quarterback early, there’s a 66 percent chance you are happy. Sure, Aaron Rodgers put up an expected dud in Week 1 against the Seattle Seahawks, but since then, he’s been the model of consistency.  There’s also a guy by the name of Peyton Manning that you may have heard of before.  Yeah, he’s pretty good. But then there’s Drew Brees.  Brees was a consensus top three quarterback during drafts, and he went as high as the first round over Manning and Rodgers in certain drafts.  But so far this year, Brees has left much to be desired for fantasy owners.  Thus far on the season, Brees has nine touchdowns, six interceptions and hasn’t topped 375 yards or 23 fantasy points in a game yet.  You’d sign off on those numbers over five games for many quarterbacks, but not for what it cost to get Brees.

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In what has become a seemingly weekly occurrence the most interesting handcuff in the land happens to be playing in the Thursday Night Game. I think this happens just to spite me. It’s as if the Football Gods force injuries and ineffectiveness on starters the week before they play on the thirstiest of all days. This week’s example of my curse is, of course, former (?) third stringer Brandon Bolden. The man who I had pegged to be taking over the Stevan Ridley “Big Back” role in New England. I figured if Bolden failed, then James White was probably next in line. But of course Bill Belichick did the most Belichickian thing ever and activated Jonas Gray from the practice squad, gave him a few carries, and leaned heavy on Shane Vereen. It looks like Bolden is more valuable to the Pats as a special teamer than a runner, and I have no idea what James White‘s issue is. I was shocked that he was inactive and you have to figure he’s deep in Belichick’s doghouse at this point. It’s really surprising considering how good he looked in pre-season and camp. The only ownable back in this scenario is Vereen.

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Johnny Football? Remember that guy? Of course you do! Well, you do if you watched the NFL Draft… or if you’ve watched that 4-lettered sports television network during the NFL preseason… or if you’ve been within earshot of one of Jerry Jones’ interviews over the last six months. Johnny Football had it all: a Heisman Trophy, a slew of Texas A&M records, fame, girls, you name it. Then it all sort of came unraveled… There was dropping to the late 1st round of the NFL Draft, that pool party, that picture of him tightly rolling some money, the preseason middle finger, and finally, Brian Hoyer getting the Cleveland Browns starting quarterback spot over him. This wasn’t a surprise, though. It would only take a few weeks for Hoyer to play himself out of the starting job… Wait, Johnny who? I don’t remember that guy…

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Last week, I had success with Trent Richardson over Bishop Sankey selection, but unfortunately the wide receiver battle was a dud for both sides. That’s just fantasy football and sometimes, you we have to just deal. I could go on and on about what this game means, and how hard we take our losses, but I want to give you something that we should all know and accept: That no matter how much we think we know about a player, it all comes down to what his team does as a unit. Or in the case of the Rams secondary, what they didn’t do on MNF when they went with the “let’s leave them wide open and see if they drop the ball” approach. Just Shameful!

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Fantasy football owners who drafted Calvin Johnson and A.J. Green can’t be too happy right now.  Both receivers were first round picks, and because of injuries, they’ll likely both be sitting out this week.

Johnson, a consensus top-five pick, has done nothing so far to justify his lofty preseason ranking.  Since exploding for 164 yards and two touchdowns in Week 1, the man known as “Megatron” has accumulated just 184 yards in the four games since, and he has zero scores to go with that paltry yardage total as well.  A high-ankle sprain has been the culprit over the last two games and fantasy owners everywhere can only hope he gets the rest he needs in order to get him to full strength.  He isn’t doing the Lions nor fantasy owners any favors by playing gimpy.  Johnson had just three catches for 19 yards while being used as a “decoy” vs. the Jets and Bills, and he clearly aggravated the injury on his lone reception last week.  Johnson “hopes” to play on Sunday vs. the Vikings, but the general sense is that he’ll sit this one out, and could possibly sit out through the Lions’ Week 9 bye.  Being 3-2 affords them some wiggle room.

Green is in a similar situation to Johnson, though he’s been all but ruled out this week.  The fourth-year pro aggravated his toe injury in Bengals’ practice on Wednesday and it looks like he could miss multiple games.  Green hurt the digit in the team’s Week 2 win over the Falcons, but came right back and played vs. the Titans the following week.  Choosing to play him there may come back to haunt the Bengals, because the way it sounded, his toe seems much worse this time around.  Back in Week 2, the team was calling it a “sprained ligament”, but now they’re saying it’s “a little bit more [than turf toe]”.  This is not what you want to hear if you’re the Bengals or own Green in any of your fantasy leagues.  Unlike Johnson, Green has already had his bye, so if he’s going to rest, it’s gonna be during a game week.  Green’s owners will just have to hope to hear some good news in the next few days.

With two big pass catchers on the mend, it puts owners in a real bind, so I’ve decided to do a wide receivers-only edition of “Start ’em and Sit ’em”…

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I’d like to begin this week’s installment of the handcuff report by apologizing profusely for ignoring Andre Williams last week. I seriously considered mentioning Williams value as a keeper, but ROS considered him nothing more than a deep bench stash or handcuff for Rashad Jennings. I had him buried down in the Duct Tape tier, with the Stepfan Taylor‘s and Ka’Deem Carey‘s of the world. Zoinks! Imagine a world of Stepfan’s and Ka’Deem’s! Oh snap, there is such a place? It’s my Duct Tape Handcuff tier! It exists in my mind, and it’s a shiny silver world where everything can be fixed with a couple inches of the good stuff. Jeez I went off topic real quick, back to Andre Williams. I knew that Rashad Jennings was quickly approaching his highest usage numbers of his career, and I knew that Jennings had some injuries during his time in Jacksonville. I chose to ignore it. Just as I chose to dismiss Williams’ 15 carry, 66 yard, TD breakout against Washington. I thought it was nothing more than some meaningless garbage time magic. After all, Jennings had been getting almost all the usage in the Giants offense. Before the Week 4 blowout, Williams had seen two games of 6 carries, and one game of 8 carries with four looks in the passing game. There was no reason to pay him much mind, and those touting him as a good stash were working off nothing more than a hunch that Rough Shod would break down.

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Good Afternoon, loyal followers! Yes, I’m talking to you! All four of you! If you feel a little déjà vu reading this article, it’s totally fine. You’re not tripping from all the hallucinogens you dropped following The Grateful Dead tour around the country… You’re just re-reading a few names you’ve read here already. Since I’m sure you’ve all been absorbing these stat-filled riddles like sponges, I’m going to attempt to give you some opinions based on personnel and personal (not a stutter!) observations I’ve noticed over the first third of the season. However, I can’t completely avoid the numbers, so just bear with me. On a positive note, the last three weeks have been quite a resurgence for the Streamer Department. We’ve nailed three Top-10 QB’s, three Top-10 TE’s, a Top-10 DST, and 2 Top-10 Kickers in that time span. Let’s get after it!

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It’s good to be back after my little mini vacation. I went to serve one of my 72 hour blocks at county as part of my plea agreement. Jay was really understanding of my situation, as long as I brought back some pruno. Enjoy! *shudders* It was a well deserved rest and an opportunity to unplug and shake off the fantasy baseball dust. Now I am 100% yours to have at your disposal for all your fantasy needs. Jeez, I sound like a backpage escort.  Except Tight Ends, I can’t figure out the rhyme or reasons going into planning for the week. Look at Larry Donnell last week with his one target and no catches…WTF! Sky shared these nuggets about Donnell with me via Twitter: Falcons sold out to make sure he had very few looks, and added to that: Double cover your guy all game and force it elsewhere. Can’t plan for that. That’s why I hate trying to predict the tight end position. Besides Graham and Thomas, no tight end is a safe bet each and every week. What does this have to do with flex plays? It’s my way of saying I won’t be doing tight ends in the flex battles. Wide receivers and running backs only. Now on to the bye bye bye week ahead.

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