I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:
Arizona Cardinals (+3) at Seattle Seahawks
Forecast: Kyler Murray. That’s it, that’s the forecast. What, you want more? Sorry, I’m a little distracted; I spent all day trying to figure out how to inject Kyler Murray highlights into my veins. Actually, I spent the first hour of the day trying to figure that out and then the next 10 hours in the emergency room. Turns out it’s “not safe” to insert an HDMI cable into your forearm. Psssh. The medical professionals recommend I continue to ingest my Kyler highlights thru the eye holes only. What do doctors know? I have big plans for rectal consumption of Thursday night’s game where Kyler will show off his culinary skills making Russell Wilson look like my Aunt Mildred who can’t even cook a frozen pizza. The Cardinals will come out of Thursday alone in first place in the NFC West, just another step toward that Lombardi Trophy I predicted Kyler would hoist back in the preseason. Cardinals 31, Seahawks 21
Wager: Cardinals ML +140 (1 Unit)
2020 Season: 2-8 (-3.65 Units)
Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 11 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:
*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $17.95 for the full season.
Please, blog, may I have some more?