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My week had nowhere to go but up after Monday night’s Bears/Rams ticklefest. Tuesday I had a prostate exam and Wednesday I had a colonoscopy; everything was great. But then Thursday came along. The Falcons vs. Panthers shootout we were promised was a total misfire. The Falcons D was determined to avoid embarrassment at least one week this season. Only one Panther fantasy asset was immune to the intense pressure brought on by the Atlanta defense: Curtis Samuel, who turned his 3 carries and 4 catches into 23 rushing yards, 31 receiving yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns of the season. That’s three touchdowns in the last two weeks for Samuel, and with his consistent usage in both the pass and run game, he’s starting to look like a decent desperation WR3 moving forward. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Julio Jones – 7 catches for 137 yards. It was obvious from the first drive that Julio would be ballin’ down by the school yard on Thursday night. Any questions regarding whether Mr. Jones is still a high end fantasy WR1 have now been answered.

Calvin Ridley –  3 catches for 42 yards before leaving in the first half with an ankle injury (update: it’s actually his foot). More like Calvin and Hobbled! Hopefully Ridley doesn’t miss much (any) time, but if he does, Russell Gage (2 catches for 25 yards) is suddenly back on the radar.

Todd Gurley – 18 carries for 46 yards and his 8th touchdown. The Toddfather left for two drives in the first half with an apparent injury. But of course Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were busy talking about Joe’s favorite brand of underwear. Amazing that announcers still don’t realize 80% of their audience is only watching for fantasy football purposes? This is just another reminder that Todd’s no longer a young Gurley. He’s been posting RB1 numbers, but the knees could give out at any moment. That makes Brian Hill (11 carries for 55 yards, 2 catches for 9 yards) worth a roster spot in most leagues—truth be told, Hill looked like the better Falcon running back against the Panthers.

Matt Ryan – 21/30 for 281 yards, 6 carries for 27 yards, 0 passing touchdowns, 1 rushing touchdown and 1 interception. You drafted Matty Ice for all that rushing production, right? No matter, it looks like a deep bomb in the box score.

Hayden Hurst – 5 catches for 54 yards. This makes back to back weeks with 7 targets. If Ridley’s hurt then Hurst (and Julio) stands to benefit the most. There could be a post-preseason-hype breakout on the way.

Teddy Bridgewater – 15/23 for 176 yards, 5 carries for 30 yards, his 9th passing touchdown and 1 interception. Teddy Two Gloves was a popular streaming option this week (for me since I own Kyler Murray on all my teams and even some teams that aren’t mine), but left the game after a dirty trip by Dante Fowler followed by an even dirtier hit by Charles Harris on the same play. Bridgewater’s neck bent in a direction that only giraffes should be capable of. P.J. Walker (1/4 for 3 yards) came in and looked fun slinging the rock, but Teddy somehow only missed 4 plays. Glad he’s alright, but him and his two gloves will be finding their way back to the free agent pool in my leagues this week.

Mike Davis – 13 carries for 66 yards, 1 catch for 11 yards. The honeymoon is over and now fantasy owners turn back to rosterbation by furiously inserting Christian McCaffrey (ankle) in and out of their lineups. Maybe next week folks. 

D.J. Moore – 2 catches for 55 yards. The DJ was playing but for some reason I couldn’t hear the music for three and a half quarters. Then suddenly Bridgewater remember this young studly wideout was on his team late in the 4th quarter. The inconsistency of targets for Moore is concerning with 4, 6, 5, 11, 5 and 6 targets over the last six games. It’s hard to consider him more than a boom or bust WR2 at this point.

Robby Anderson – 5 catches for 48 yards. Mr. Anderson forgot to take the blue pill before this game. He still seems like Teddy’s favorite option with 5, 11, 12, 5, 8 and 8 targets over those last 6 games. It’s hard not to give Anderson the edge over Moore rest of season.

Younghoe Koo – 4/4 FG and an extra point.  My imaginary girlfriend refuses to listen to my fantasy football complaints so you guys are my only outlet to vent about having to play against that Young Hoe in one league this week. Don’t gotta have boats N’ Younghoes! #BanKickers