Dead’Veon Bell

Notable injuries yesterday: EVERYONE. That’s correct my friends and fellow fantasy players, the time has come to huddle together and drown in our collective tears. And when I say tears, I don’t just mean the kind that comes out of our eyes. I’m talking the kind that comes happens to our body parts… Chances are, if you had a player on your team playing yesterday, they exploded and tore something. Entire body sections were lost yesterday, as if millions of ACLs and MCLs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Steve Smith? Out for the year with a potentially career-ending Achilles tear. Reggie Bush, carted off the field with a torn ACL. Ryan Fitzpatrick, left the game early in the first quarter. The Chargers entire roster left their game against the Ravens before the second half. (Twelve total players.) Matt Forte, an undisclosed knee injury. In fact, Andrew Luck felt so left out from yesterday’s festivities, reports were released showing that he’s been playing with fractured ribs along with a still-present shoulder injury. And, of course, Le’Veon Bell’s injury (shown above) looms large as we continue to wait on any kind of news. As of now, it appears that Bell has avoided the dreaded ACL injury and that it might just be limited to a MCL injury. That basically means a multi-week setback at best, but doesn’t rule out a season-ending one. [Update: The latest reports show that he did suffer a full tear of his MCL, most likely ending his season.] As of now, DeAngelo Williams returns to the starting role, an area which he excelled at early in the season during Bell’s suspension, and Dri Archer will also see some carries, further proving that he is still as useless as ever. Gentlemen and ladies, these are the times when I realize alcohol is an important part of the life process. Let us drink, and hopefully not be injured while doing so…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 8’s Sunday games…

Keenan Allen – 5 REC, 35 YDS, 1 TD. Allen left the game late in the second quarter with an apparent shoulder injury along with “muscle spasms”. I use quotation marks, because Mike McCoy stated that he got the wind knocked out of him and that he would be fine right before the half ended. He also decided to kick a field goal during that quick interview, so there’s that. There were about 259 Chargers injuries during the game yesterday, including Allen’s, so I’d like to think that in an alternate dimension nobody got injured. The Chargers still probably lost there too though.

Le’Veon Bell – 10 CAR, 45 YDS and 2 REC, 13 YDS. Because Steelers, I guess. The pick-up is obviously DeAngelo Williams… unless he ended up on a team in Week 1 that’s now 1-7 and is still starting Tony Romo. In that case, I’d probably just write a letter to congress.

Cameron Brate – 2 REC, 48 YDS, 1 TD. Y’all better Brate yourselves! (It was either that or a masterBrate joke. Actually, that may have been the choice here upon further review…)

Drew Brees – 40/50, 511 YDS, 7 TD, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 1 YDS. 500+ yards given up with seven touchdowns? Impressive Giants, but I think you can do better. Let’s see what kind of Hall-of-Fame performance you allow Jameis Winston next week…

Derek Carr – 23/36, 333 YDS, 4 TD and 2 CAR, -2 YDS. When did the Jets defense become so terrible? Did Derek Carr see the box score of the Giants-Saints game and say “Screw you Drew Brees and Eli Manning! I can do this too!”?

Matt Cassel – 13/25, 97 YDS and 4 CAR, 43 YDS. OLE’ GRAMPA CASSEL, HE RAN LIKE A KID OUT THERE! From here on out, we shall now refer to Matt Cassel as “MC3”.

Marques Colston – 8 REC, 114 YDS, 1 TD. Forever Uncovered, A Football Life.

Brandon Cooks – 6 REC, 88 YDS, 2 TD. I  saw Brandon Cooks do something relevant yesterday. No, really. I’m serious.

Amari Cooper – 5 REC, 46 YDS. So, the Oakland Raiders can score at will with Cooper shut down? I don’t about you, but I find that unsettling…

Andy Dalton – 23/38, 231 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 6 CAR, 4 YDS. Andy Dalton obviously just didn’t want the pressure associated with being undefeated. It’s the only explanation that I can see for how he was playing yesterday. Seriously, everyone thought this Dalton was long-forgotten. But not me. Consider this a tease, a spoiler if you will, of what’s to re-emerge during their first and last playoff game.

Orleans Darkwa – 4 CAR, 23 YDS. Am I the only one who thinks of Darkwing Duck when hearing “Darkwa”? Or am I just getting old? I suppose it’s not mutually exclusive though, so watch your mouth when answering.

Stefon Diggs – 6 REC, 95 YDS, 1 TD. Say what you will, but Mark Trestman embarrassed the Bears in more entertaining ways than John Fox does. This was just your run-of-the-mill win by the Vikings and one very suave Stefon Diggs. What? I’m just saying what we’re all feeling.

Andre Ellington – 3 CAR, 0 YDS. Andre Ellington: Still Worthless.

Mike Evans – 3 REC, 48 YDS. Jameis Winston doing everything in his power to erase Evans from our collective memory. But don’t worry, the Giants defense is coming up next. Just the shot in the arm this relationship needs!

Ryan Fitzpatrick – 4/5, 46 YDS and 1 CAR, 12 YDS. And the Jets went back to Jetsing. Well, it was a good run, but yesterday, the Fitzmagic ran out. Or died.

Jimmy Graham – 7 REC, 75 YDS. You guys, I’m starting to wonder if the Seahawks coaching staff is any good. I’ve seen better play calling in Madden…

Todd Gurley – 20 CAR, 133 YDS, 1 TD and 3 REC, 13 YDS. Fun fact: the Rams have more Pro Bowl caliber running backs (1) than the 49ers have Pro Bowl caliber players (0). The more you know!

DeAndre Hopkins – 8 REC, 94 YDS, 1 TD. I don’t know guys, I think this DeAndre fella might be pretty good…

Calvin Johnson – 5 REC, 85 YDS. Poor Calvin, what a waste of a career. He’s pretty much the only reason why Matthew Stafford gets over-hyped every preseason. That’s how good Calvin Johnson is; he makes everyone around him draftable…

Chris Johnson – 30 CAR, 109 YDS. I don’t believe a lot of things, but this Chris Johnson resurgence is in my top three of all time.

Colin Kaepernick – 20/41, 162 YDS and 6 CAR, 28 YDS. Still a glorious tire fire.

Eli Manning – 30/41, 350 YDS, 6 TD. Things that didn’t show up in Eli Manning’s box score: Finished his juice box. Played in a cardboard box for three straight hours. Licked his Xbox 360 controller for 20 minutes straight.

Peyton Manning – 21/29, 340 YDS, 1 INT. If Peyton Manning didn’t play football, he’s that insurance salesman in your office building who has a ton of dirty jokes, never holds the elevator for you, and makes wildly inappropriate comments to the women who work in the downstairs deli that’s located on the first floor. (And wonders why he’s never invited out for drinks after work.) You know I’m right.

Josh McCown – 18/34, 211 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 5 CAR, 18 YDS, 1 FUM. Was this some sort of Cinderella pumpkin carriage thing going on for the Browns for half of yesterday’s game? Make sense, seeing as how the at the end of the game the clock finally struck sadness…

Darren McFadden – 20 CAR, 64 YDS and 6 REC, 49 YDS. All aboard the DMC hype train! CHOO CHOO. (Impending derailment imminent!)

Ben Roethlisberger – 28/45, 262 YDS, 1 TD, 3 INT. Roethlisberger’s situational punting didn’t really help the Steelers yesterday. But, it’s not like we have a choice when it comes to what Big Ben wants…

Matthew Stafford – 22/36, 217 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, 5 YDS. There seems to be a reasonable amount of talent on the Lions, and there seems to be no reason why they should be worse than the last couple years. They have three running backs that are all capable with Joique Bell (7 CAR, 56 YDS) as the power runner, Ameer Abdullah (1 CAR, 3 YDS) as the change-of-pace back, young with potential, and a play-making pass-catcher back in Theo Riddick (5 CAR, 17 YDS and 6 REC, 30 YDS). They argualably have a top-three receiver in Calvin Johnson (mentioned above), a pretty solid number-two receiver (and raging d*ckhole) in Golden Tate (6 REC, 59 YDS) and a capable number-three in Lance Moore (3 REC, 29 YDS, 1 TD.) The defense is pretty pedestrian, but I’ve seen better teams do much more with a lot worse… so what’s the deal here? Is it sh*tty coaching? Should any ex-Peyton Manning head coach never get hired again? Or does the city of Detroit just suck anything resembling success or progress from any and all people? The answer is yes… isn’t it…

Alex Smith – 18/26, 145 YDS, 2 TD and 5 CAR, 78 YDS, 1 TD. It’s pretty embarrassing to lose a fantasy football game basically due to Alex Smith alone.

Geno Smith – 27/42, 265 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 34 YDS. Geno Smith appears to still be very much Geno Smith.

Steve Smith Sr.– 5 REC, 82 YDS. He’s punched his last baby ticket. TOO SOON PEOPLE. Smith, in the play above, tore his right Achilles, ending his 2015 season and likely closing out a pretty stellar career. In other news, the Ravens officially are out of receivers and will start featuring four tight end sets with three running backs in the backfield.

Benjamin Watson – 9 REC, 147 YDS, 1 TD. That’s what you get when you don’t cover what’s-his-name. “That’s it, then. I’m hanging myself and Walmart’s paying for it.” – Tom Coughlin.

Charcandrick West – 20 CAR, 97 YDS, 1 TD. I could use another Charcandrick. Only because I think the word “Charcandrick” was designed to be pluralized. Only because I have no idea what else it would be designed for.

Russell Wilson – 19/30, 210 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 6 CAR, 32 YDS. From the people who brought you Too Many Cook’s, introducing: Too Many Wilson’s.

 

Final Thought