No this isn’t a chain letter or cheesy personality test that someone dumps on you on Facebook. Actually it sort of is the latter. There is a lot of psychology involved in Fantasy Football and the sooner we acknowledge it and start paying attention the better.

I admit this is a bit simplistic. However:

A) I was obsessed with the Ninja Turtles for about 6 years (still have the Technodrome & Sewer packed away)

B) Talking about personality types is useful.

Think about how other people perceive you; that matters infinitely more than what you’re actually like (even though it shouldn’t).  Most of us know the other people in our Fantasy League at least a little bit and have an idea of what they are like. I try to figure out everyone’s personality type and consider that most when I’m trying to put deals together. Putting trades together is a lot more art than science and perception matters more than reality. One player might scoff at a trade while another player might gladly accept the same trade and often it just comes down to his/her values and ideology about life. So here’s a fun way for us to start exploring this concept.


The “Party Dude.” This person is notorious for missing drafts, not checking their team, and not paying their league dues. Loves to pick dudes with “cool names” or outrageous personalities. Probably owns Chad Ochocinco, T.O., Favre, Cadillac Williams, Clinton Portis, Brandon Marshall and probably picked Crabtree in the 8th round or something. Not a threat unless he gets outrageously lucky. It’s extremely easy to fleece him on trades. In fact he’d probably give you his three best players for a case of Beast Ice and a PBR Sweatshirt.

If you are Michelangelo: everyone in your league makes fun of you. But you’re too cool for Fantasy Football to begin with (probably only participate for the party at the end) so that shouldn’t matter.

Do this to the Michelangelo in your league: rip him off in uneven trades, hope they pass through your league without getting voted down. Other people will be doing it so if you don’t you’re going to be at a disadvantage.


The “Complainer.” Manages to somehow be disgruntled even during weeks when he wins against a superior opponent. Throws a fit every time one of his players gets hurt (even though it happens to us all) and blames any subsequent losing on the injury (even if that player was his backup TE).

During the Draft this person makes fun of everyone’s picks even if they’re not bad. Hates all the players that Michelangelo loves. Drafts lots of “safe” players like Torry Holt, Tony Gonzalez, Hines Ward, Peyton Manning and Wes Welker.

If you are Raphael: Dude everyone makes fun of you too. You’re not even trying to win; you’re trying NOT to come in last by not taking any chances. You spend more time devising bitter nicknames than you do figuring out how to improve your squad.

Do this to Raphael in your League: Trade him decent-producing veterans for young/flashy players with huge upside.


“The Rule Master.” Sometimes people are the Commissioner out of necessity. Other people get their rocks off on it just like they did Bus Patrol, Student Government, Peer Mediation and being an RA in college. Constantly checking to make sure everyone is OK with everything like s/he is a waiter at Morton’s Steak House.

Just like in the movie he wastes half his time trying to pacify the perpetually unhappy Raphael(s) in the league. Leonardo is typically a solid Fantasy Player and can win but his chances are greatly diminished because he spends so much time on League Management.

If you are Leonardo: Stop worrying about other people. Tell them this is the setup, this is how it’s going to be. If you don’t like it find a new league.

Do this to Leonardo in your league: Offer him fair win-win trades. The Leonardo type is definitely open to making a deal here and there but you’re not going to be able to fleece him.


“Nerd.” Has a Matthew Berry poster on the ceiling above his race car bed in his mom’s basement. Was never good at any sports and flashes his football knowledge around to compensate for it. Blindly ignores the psychological aspects of the game and other intangibles that are important.

This player is going to read all the big, name-brand sites and play accordingly. In a league of average players Donatello will win almost every year. But in more competitive leagues it will be nearly impossible for him to win since he’s drinking the same Kool-Aid as all the other Nerds in his league.

If you are Donatello: Don’t be a know-it-all man. Stop spouting out random stats all over the place and don’t be a pesky dweeb. Try to formulate your own opinions so you can win in tougher leagues.

Do this to Donatello in your league: Donatello’s love to shoot their mouths off so use that to your advantage. Ask him/her who they think the best fantasy expert out there is. Find out whose shower bunny they are. Once you do that read that columnist/site and take a look at players they are down on that you think will be better than advertised. Trade Donatello for them. Likely targets will include older players, dudes who just got a new contract, and players on bad teams.

This may not be your steez but I would just like to foster some Fantasy Football discussion centered on personality. This is a game played by people and that is something I believe we can use to our advantage. Few people think along these lines and doing so gives you an edge.

  1. p0rk burn says:

    Good work.

  2. danimal35 says:

    I need a bye week TE and the waiver wire cabinet is pretty bare. her are my options, who should I pick up for week 4?

    Heath Miller
    Marcedes Lewis
    Donald Lee
    Tony Scheffler
    Martellus Bennet
    Bo Scaife (if healthy)

  3. danimal35 says:

    Oh and Pettigrew and Finley are available also

  4. Drew

    Drew says:

    @danimal35: I sort of like Miller there. The Steelers are throwing the ball a lot these days. Scheffler maybe as the second option.

  5. Tankass says:

    You forgot about Splinter, Schredder and Casey Jones

  6. Drew

    Drew says:

    @Tankass: haha yeah I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open the can of worms by going outside the Turtles. Could’ve thrown in those you mentioned along with some other favorites like Beebop and Rocksteady.

  7. Byron says:

    Good article- Luckily i didnt fall into any of these categories- I do have a little bit of all of them in me though- guess that makes me splinter- i was really hoping to be casey though- casey was one bad mfer

  8. Kristina says:

    After yesterday’s performance, would it be safe to say both Pierre’s (Thomas and Garcon) are solid starts at this point? I didn’t start Thomas yesterday and boy do I wish I could take that back now, with Westbrook being hurt in one league and Portis just garbage in my other league. I also liked how many looks Garcon is getting. Do you think both will continue to perform at that level over the next couple of weeks?

  9. Drew

    Drew says:

    @Kristina: Double-barrelled Pierre’s; now that’s dangerous. I definitely agree on Thomas and I agree with you that Garcon looked really really good last night. If you are in a semi-deep league or aren’t super strong at receiver I would definitely start him. He sort of is to Reggie Wayne what Reggie Wayne was to Marvin Harrison if that makes any sense.

  10. Denys says:

    LOL! fantastic post Drew.

  11. sam says:

    I liked this a lot, great job.

  12. Doc

    Doc says:

    @Denys: @sam: Drew is the man!! Splinter Rules!

  13. flynn says:

    Awesome, love TMNT..
    So Im basically screwed week 4 with byes and injuries at WR. starting 3, right now I have Manningham, Holt, Bryant, and Robinson. Some options out there…. Knox, Garcon, Burleson, Sims-Walker, Bennett, Nate Washington, Bradley, Evans, Caldwell, Britt, Bess, Kelley Washington. Definitely dropping Robinson. And thinking of either dropping Holt or Bryant or even Derrick Ward for another WR.
    Im thinking Burleson for Robinson, and maybe Garcon for Bryant. Thoughts?

  14. Drew

    Drew says:

    @flynn: I like both those pickups. Definitely get Garcon. Sims-Walker, Burleson, and Washington are probably all about the same value.

  15. cleaver596 says:

    Interesting article man. The idea of finding out what fantasy writer someone likes is a good idea. Easy in my league, because I don’t think anyone reads anything outside of ESPN or yahoo. This is definitely to my advantage (I’m with the same guys, more or less, in baseball) because while all 11 other teams are zigging, I’m zagging. I actually got into a discussion at a bar the other day with guys from the league, with them all telling me how much they loved Berry. I thought it was funny, because all it meant is that they read the exact same information. I think I”m gonna read up on Berry and see who he is big on, and try to swing a trade like that.

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