The narrative of tonight’s game would best be read in a Sam Elliott voice.  No, I’m not talking about those crappy Dodge commercials.  No again, I’m not talking about his turn as the Chupadogra in Marmaduke.  How’d you even know he was that without Wikipedia anyways?  Nah, I’m rocking The Big Lebowski on this one and going with ‘The Stranger’.  Sometimes there’s a man…I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about Peyton Hillis here.  Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Hillis, in New Jersey.  And even if he’s a lazy man – and Hillis was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Bergen County, which would place him high in the runnin’ back world for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man…sometimes, there’s a man…Aw, I lost my train of thought here.  But what I do know is on a night rife with Fantasy futility, the the bridge to a winning week was brought down by the unlikeliest of guys on a night of the unlikeliest suckitude we’ve seen in prime time so far this year.  Hillis gave us his best Hynoski impersonation for most of the night as he rumbled for 81 tough yards and a touchdown to help hold down the first win of the NFL season for his beleaguered team mates.  Indeed, sometimes there’s a man…who doesn’t really matter and will never be heard from again.  You can call Peyton Hillis the dude and I’m just fine with that.  But he’s not the capitalized ‘Dude’.  He’s some schmo that stumbled onto an 0-6 team and whose lead back for the week got hurt and needed a spark for the night and he was it.  And with this narrative, I fully expect the first question to be ‘should I pick up Hillis’ because I’ve trained you all well in the art of snark.  Good lord, this game was terrible.  Thank you, voice of Sam Elliott in my head, for making it palpable.  In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Ben Tate – Yeah, the night was so exciting I’m spending this post talking about injuries.  Apparently, Tate broke four ribs but says he’ll be ready to play after the bye.  I asked Mr. Owl after he was done with his tootsie pop how many broken ribs it took to sit a running back and he still said uh-one, uh-two-HOO, uh-thuree and made a crunchy noise.  Oddly, I trust his judgement over Tates at this point, though.

Josh Freeman – I’m not gonna lie and say he looked great.  He didn’t.  What he did look like was a guy adjusting to a new offense and who probably wasn’t ready to start.  I’m pretty sure Bob Uecker called about 70% of his pass plays on the night.  He threw it high, he threw it wide, he threw it out of bounds and rarely did he connect with a receiver and when he did, it would get dropped in the end zone (thanks Jerome Simpson for ruining my fantasy night, BTW).  In the end, I still like Freeman overall for the Vikings but it’s clear he wasn’t ready to be running this team tonight.

Reggie Wayne – Done for the year with a torn ACL.  A lot of the news is going to say it bumps DHB up in Indy to which I say ‘nah, bruh’ and I advise you to start peppering your league mates with TY Hilton trades now…what, you’re still here?  What part of ‘now’ did you not get?  Go!

Hakeem Nicks – I mentioned yesterday I thought the trade rumors around Josh Gordon were getting to him.  Tonight seemed like a ‘I don’t wanna get hurt for fear of getting stuck on this terrible team ROS’ as he pulled himself out with a ‘finger ailment’.  Pretty sure it happened while flipping off everyone making trade rumors about him.  Or maybe he hurt it dialing up Jim Irsay.  I hear he trades 1st round picks for almost nothing these days!  But for serious, I saw a lot of give up on plays from Hakeem tonight.  He either wants to be traded or doesn’t care or both.  Funny how his sentiment mirrors his fantasy owners this year.  Warning, #HumbleBrag commencing in three, two, one…go!  Oh, I forgot the humble part I guess…well, read the sleepers in that post and you’ll find’um!

Rueben RandleMade an amazing TD catch but finished the night with just 3/40/1 and a fumble.  Not his best night during his TD streak but with catches like that, he may very well be on for many more good nights to come if Hakeem is traded.

Adrian PetersonI can imagine AP sitting in the backfield wishing he was staring at Ponder’s backside tonight and not Freeman’s.  I think you misread that sentence.  My statement was purely sexual.  All-Day clearly couldn’t pass the AP exam like Hillis did with only 56 total yards but that won’t change the tangent that I bring to you: Phil Mushnick is probably one of the worst human beings on the planet.  Spread the word.  I won’t give you the link.  That shouldn’t be spread.

Eli ManningWell, he didn’t throw 2.5 INTs tonight to stay on his crazy pace – though he really tried to give the Minny secondary a nice Hand Schaub on Sherels drop – so I guess that’s progress.  Eh, he still looked like Eli out there.  Not sure what else to say.  Manning Face?  Dude, where’s my car!

Michael Cox – I had a ‘Cox in your end zone’ joke here but Michael fumbled it.  Seriously, Coughlin lets Hillis lose a fumble but the moment Michael fumbles, he gets the David Wilson treatment.  Tom, your face looks like a Baboon’s ass with how red it is and the way you treat your players is starting to resemble it as well.  I hear Florida has a great retirement community for crusty, old badgers like yourself.  Just throwing it out there.

Marcus SherelsIt’s come to me talking about defense and special teams.  Had a kick return for a touchdown.  Also dropped a near pick-6 and then on the subsequent play, fumbled the punt return on which the Giants scored the Hillis TD.  From #GOAT, to goat to Taylor Swift.  We need a ‘this game was so bad’ comments joke toast like ‘yo mama’ jokes of old.  I’m literally talking about D/ST here people and ending the post with it.

  1. SMLV1 says:
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    Rank ROS please. standard league.

    RB- S.Jackson, Z. Stacy, M.James, J. Randle amd Ellington.

    WR- J. Jones, S. Johnson, Harvin, Douglas, Rice and Boykin.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @SMLV1: SJax/Stacy/Ellington/James/Randle

      Harvin/Jones/Boykin/Douglas/Johnson/Rice

  2. Justin says:
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    This game was so bad….. how bad was it??? Well it was so bad even the Jaguars couldn’t help but laugh and think we could beat these two teams.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Justin: Haha, well done!

  3. Slim

    Buddah Lovaz says:
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    All I needed was 5 points out of Rudolph and Walsh combined last night… The Vikings are dead to me in fantasy.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Buddah Lovaz: They’re dead in real football too so there’s that.

  4. John says:
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    12 team league – 1QB, 2RB, 2WR, 1TE and 2Flex

    Just got offered Trent Richardson and Josh Gordon for Zac Stacy, Jarret Boykin and Andre Brown. Though I’m tempted, I really am not impressed with Richardson. Is it worth countering with Boykin and either RB for Gordon or should I take the deal as is?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @John: Tough. Still like the T-Rich side but I’ll admit it’s a gamble at this stage.

  5. Peyton Hellyes says:
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    due to some pretty emergency circumstances I started Hillis while my opponent rolled out AP last night. I was trailing by two heading into MNF. talk about the man for his time, Peyton Hillis saved my season. (!)

  6. Clyde Prompto says:
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    Man, I think that was the worst NFL game I’ve ever watched for more than a quarter. I read that Mushnick column last week or whatever and thought it was a joke at first. Seriously racist, man.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Clyde Prompto: Agree on both counts. Mush should be flushed down the toilet of life at this point. Pretty ridiculous.

  7. Jon says:
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    Saints vs BUF, Eagles vs NYG, Raiders vs PIT, Dolphins @ NE, Bucs vs CAR?

    Also, which TE do you like this week? Reed, Cumberland, Housler, Kellen Davis, Gresham

    Thanks!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Jon:

      Raiders are interesting to me but I’ll take the Saints there.

  8. The Strolg says:
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    This game was so bad that I let my wife turn on The Voice.

    p.s. There had to be some Tampa fans having a party and getting drunk and watching the best 4 hours of football in their life.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @The Strolg: HA!

      I’m sure Schiano was dancing naked in the streets about it. But only because all his clothes were burned for MRSA reasons.

  9. Who to start this week (PPR)?

    Nicks (@ Philly)
    Boykin (@ Minn)
    Terrance Williams (@ Det)

    • Yeshcheese says:
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      @James R: Terrence or Boykin, depending on M Austin and J Jones

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @James R: All three of those are great matchups. I just don’t trust Nicks at this point. Boykin for floor, Williams for ceiling. DET gives up a lot of points to secondary receivers so far this year.

      • @Sky: Thanks. I have my waiver priority set to pickup Boykin, and then Williams as a failsafe. Hopefully, I get one of them with my 12th waiver, otherwise it’s Nicks.

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          Nice

  10. Chris says:
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    Hello Sky,

    Please rank these DEF:
    New Orleans vs BUF
    Pittsburg vs OAK
    Green Bay vs MIN

    Thanks

    • Yeshcheese says:
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      @Chris: I’m feeling GB if you’re frisky. NO for the safe ceiling. PIT for the safe floor.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Chris: After last night’s performance, GB makes a lot of sense. NO right behind them for me.

  11. Wilsonian says:
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    Obviously this is early, but I gotta pick a flex for this week so I’ll toss it out now:

    Gordon @ KC
    Ridley v. Miami
    Harvin @ STL (obviously depends on status, but it is the Monday game so I doubt we’ll know in time for this week)
    Reed @ Denver (if Graham is active, he’ll be available, if Graham is out, he’s my starting TE)

    0.5 PPR, 3 point bonus at 85 yards receiving and 100 yards rushing, 6 point bonus at 135 yards receiving and 150 yards rushing, 6 points per TD

    FWIW, I have Gordon in there now.

    • Yeshcheese says:
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      @Wilsonian: Reed, Ridley, Harvin (even if he starts I don’t expect a feature role), Gordon. I’m sorry but Gordon can’t throw it to himself, arrowhead is brutal, and KC has the fire

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Wilsonian: YesCheese has a point but I’d have Gordon as my #2 and Reed as my #1 there so if Graham’s down, you know how I’d roll.

      • Wilsonian says:
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        @Sky: I was leaning Reed or Ridley. Gordon worries me that he is boom or bust. Ridley looks to be at least consistently mediocre.

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          I don’t set my lineups expecting 5-7 points from a guy, especially talking flex. I’d rather have an 18 or 2 guy if that’s my option.

          • Wilsonian says:
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            @Sky: well said. And I can see that. This is a league with a lot of roster spots, so constant production isn’t a bad thing, but I can see it. I still killed it last week with him getting 3.5 points in the flex.

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              Ha, nice. Yeah, I’m not saying Gordon is the safest play but at least I trust his role more than I do Ridley. That’s the big thing for me.

              • Wilsonian says:
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                @Sky: and by killed it I mean I won by 100 points. This team, even being in an 8 team league, is insane. Especially after I swapped Harry Douglas for Ridley after his big game last week.

  12. Chris says:
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    Hello Sky,
    adding to the above, which RB do you prefer: Mike James, Chris Ivory or Peyton Hillis?

    thanks

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Chris: ROS or for the week? Without matchups, I’m a bit lost. I really like Chris Ivory still, talent-wise. James is the safer play. Hillis is meh.

  13. ashtray says:
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    I’m currently sitting at 3-4 in a 12 team keeper league that only sends 4 teams to the playoffs so, while I’m still in it, I’m starting to think about next year.

    QB – RG3
    WR – Green
    WR – Allen
    WR – Hartline
    RB – Morris
    RB – Rice
    TE – Gronk
    W/R – Lacy
    B – Pryor qb
    B – Stacy rb
    B – Randle rb
    B – Stevie Johnson wr
    B – Dobson wr
    B – Jordan Reed te

    I’m thinking my biggest issue is WR and I can only play one TE at a time. Should I look to trade Gronk or Reed? What tier of WR should I look to target in exchange for either?

    Thanks!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @ashtray: Gronk you shouldn’t be getting anything less than Victor Cruz in return. He’s your trade guy. I like Reed but he’s only had one game. His market isn’t going to get you what you need in return.

  14. Ralph Lifshitz

    Dad Boner says:
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    Had Jacobs in my Flex up until Saturday night. Moved Cox in and picked up Hillis, Monday morning (down by 15) read that Hillis would be the primary ball carrier and put him in. 20 minutes before the game I read that Cox is starting and figure well “he’s been in the system for months and Hillis has 5 days off the street” put in Cox. It was the difference between a win and first place and a loss and 3rd. In the words of Clay Davis Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Dad Boner: Damn…nice Clay Davis impersonation.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Dad Boner says:
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        @Sky: If I won I was going with a Marlo my name is my name speech.

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          I had to google. Ashamed, I haven’t seen The Wire yet.

          • Harris says:
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            @Sky: You need to binge watch that show soon!

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              I know!

  15. anthony says:
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    @sky: laveon bell or Pierre Thomas @ wr 2 ?
    bell @ oak Thomas vs buf

    flex

    denarius Moore vs pit
    boldin @ jax
    Steve smith @ tb
    Pierre Thomas vs buf

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @anthony: Gotta be Bell there

      Boldin is the safest play, Moore is the upside play.

      • anthony says:
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        @Sky: tucker on bye which kicker would you pick up lol

        Dawson @ jax
        Hartley vs buf
        folk @ cin
        hauschka @ stl

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          hauschka

  16. anthony says:
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    errrr rb2

  17. Henry says:
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    Which side of this deal would you rather be on?

    Giving Dez and Stafford for Ryan and AP.

    My team has J. Gordon, Fitz, R. Bush, Bernard, T-Rich, and Vereen waiting in the wings.

    The second team basically has Gore, CJ2K, Cruz, and D. Jax

    Thanks Sky

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Henry: Dez side

  18. Clint (aka Pablo Death) says:
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    So, Schiano says Martin may not be done for the season. Drop him anyway? I’m already having to hide Cutler for a few weeks and likely slide Cobb into my IR spot once Andre Brown comes off in a few weeks. Only RB’s out there are James and Ivory IF I can snag one.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Clint (aka Pablo Death): Yeah, Martin’s done for the year on most reports. He’s droppable. James for safety, Ivory for upside.

  19. Ron says:
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    I’m back again with the great QB debate of 2013 for me. I am so scared of Eli and Big Ben from week to week it sickens me. Need to know if a trade or waiver pickup is best.

    1) Should I trade Gordon or Garcon or neither for RGIII? My other WR are Dez, Green and Hartline.
    2) The other option is….Jake Locker is on the wire and I could drop M. Austin for him.
    3) Any other QBs I should chase for a trade? Dalton? Rivers? Pryor? Geno?

    Your thoughts/suggestions?
    Thanks.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Ron:

      1) Sure, I’m open to either in that scenario; prefer it be Gordon for bye week reasons

      2) I’d do this either way. Locker’s legs give him a great floor and Austin is slowly losing targets

      3) There’s always QBs to trade for, it’s more about price than anything

      Is Locker really the only starting QB on the FA market? I think you should play matchups as best as possible ROS unless you’re in a 2QB league and nothing is available.

      • Ron says:
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        @Sky: Well there are a few others that are less attractive….Tannenhil, Palmer, Glennon, Keenum, McCown.

        Locker looks like the best of the bunch for me right?

        I also have a chance to trade for Vick….but his injury history scares me.

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          I wouldn’t trade for Vick. Locker is fine but I’d still say I’d just play matchups if those guys are out there. Tannehill could have a strong week playing from behind in Pats country.

  20. Jon says:
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    Which TE do you like this week? (not PPR) Reed, Cumberland, Housler, Kellen Davis, Gresham

    • Jon says:
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      And going forward, would you take any over Fleener?

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @Jon: I’ll take the guy with nearly 10 catches, 150 yards and a touchdown last week and say Reed. Reed over Fleener in my book. His only issue is health.

  21. Kyle says:
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    Great article. I made a pretty big trade in my 14 team ppr league. It went like this. I give Sjax, Quizz, Garçon, and MJD and received Marshall, Morris and Helu. I’m trying to sell high on Quizz and am worried about Sjax health and age. Plus Morris has the value of a 9th round keeper next season. My other RB are Leveon Bell and Zac Stacy, while stashing Andre Brown. My WR after Marshalls bye will be Dez Bryant, James Jones, Mike Wallace and Golden Tate. What are your thoughts? Definitely worried a little about the Cutler injury.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      Thanks!

      I have zero problems with that trade. Marshall might suffer a little but he’s still Marshall.

  22. Jeremy says:
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    Should I try and pick up Mike James or Zac Stacey in response to the DMart injury?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      I think Stacy’s more talented. Hopefully Kellen Moore isn’t his QB for long, I’d rather have him.

  23. Joe says:
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    I have a chance to blow most of my FAAB to get Mike James in a money league where I’m pretty weak at RB…but is he really worth it? I mean, what was Doug Martin able to do on that team? On the other hand, when will I have a chance to get a feature RB for free?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      If you’re asking based on talent, no, he’s not worth it. But if he fills a need, he fills a need. Feature RBs are rarely free. Hard question to answer. You gotta pick up backups and pray.

  24. James says:
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    Hey Sky,

    12 team PPR. Which WR do you prefer ROS?

    Fitzgerald: vs Atl, Hou, @Jax, Indy, @Phil, (Playoffs: St.Louis, @Tenn, @Sea)
    or
    Blackmon vs SF, @Tenn, Ariz, @Hou, @Cle, (Playoffs: Hou, Buff, Tenn)

    I know youre not high on Fitz but his schedule rest of way seems to be alot softer. Playoffs seem to be almost a wash.

    Which of the two WRs do you like more?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      Palmer is a better QB than Skelton but he’s still an immobile QB behind a terrible o-line. I’d rather have Blackmon there.

  25. Andy says:
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    Would you make this trade?
    McCoy and Jeffrey for Lacy and Gordon?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      I’d take the McCoy side.

  26. Dave says:
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    Any concern at all about AP? Obviously Freeman will play better but that o-line looks horrible and that might not go away.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      It’s not an o-line problem, it’s a stack the box problem. There were moments last year it was a problem too. Just gotta let it play out, he’s still AP.

      • Dave says:
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        @Sky: Ah ok thank you

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          No worries

  27. Barker says:
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    10 team 1/2 ppr qb and qb/wr/rb/te

    I give vick and colston i get calvin and heath miller

    My other qbs rg3 roethlisberger freeman ( dropped pierre thomas prior to last nights game shite )
    Other wr marshall shorts randle amendola

    The kid is 0-7 in last place and has wr for days a brown torrey smith hartline moore one other guy whos good but forgot and gates and miller at TE but he has foles at QB and no one else
    I lost finley and there is not much on the wire will also drop freeman for locker if i do this trade and drop freeman no matter what happens i was gonna have to drop thomas anyway at least i keep telling myself that
    I offered him roeth and colston for calvin and i am considering offering this one above can i afford to lose vick and have roeth/locker over vick as my 2nd qb

    And either way should i be looking to get locker with my # 3 waiver possibly holding 4 qbs for a minute and looking to trade one of these qbs for a te or a wr

    • Barker says:
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      @Barker: oh yeah nicks who is shitty

      Also on locker there is really nothing else on waivers is mike james moving the needle cause he’d be about the best available

      • Barker says:
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        @Barker: he just offered back my lynch and vick for calvin and gates

        My other rbs are charles ellington and andre brown

        Obv not taking that but what about vick and colston for calvin and gates/miller

        I might like miller more idk why

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          Lot thrown at me here from you, let’s see if I can hit on it. Doesn’t really sound like he’s gonna give you Megatron honestly but you can try that trade. I don’t mind Locker on the bench. Go for it.

  28. Scott says:
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    Sky

    0.5 ppr, 2 RB, 3 WR, FLEX (r/w/t)
    same team we discuss every week except made two trades, so here’s the new look:

    RB- M. Lynch, K. Moreno, Z. Stacy, J. Randle, M. Ball
    WR- V. Jackson, S. Smith, R. White, J. Boykin, P. Harvin, V. Brown, R. Cobb
    TE- J. Graham, R. Gronkowski

    Traded Jones-Drew for V-Jax
    and Spiller/S.Smith for Lynch/R.White

    Thoughts on the new look? Also with Luck on the bye this week, need to pickup a QB from:
    -Dalton
    -Tannehill
    -Roethlisberger
    -Glennon

    Thanks