Jay-Cutler-in-Makeup
There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

 

Let’s take a look at Cutler’s QBR since he joined the Bears in 2009. That year Cutler had a QBR of 47.6, which was good enough for 20th place, and the Bears finished 7-9, missing the playoffs. Finishing ahead of him that year was David Garrard, Chad Henne and Donovan McNabb. In 2010 Cutler’s numbers took a slight dip when he finished the season with a QBR of 44.7 (22nd place). The Bears managed to win their division that year, but that was largely in part to the strength of the defense which allowed the 3rd least points against. In 2011 Jay must have dialed it up a notch. He managed to earn a QBR of 55.9, but that could have something to do with the fact that he only played 10 games that season. I’m sure he would have driven that number down given 6 more opportunities. 2012 saw Cutler’s QBR drop back down to 50.2, finishing behind the likes of Christian Ponder and Josh Freeman. Last year Cutler earned his best QBR since becoming a Bear with a QBR of 66.4, earning him a top-10 finish. He failed, however, to lead his team to the playoffs. That brings us to the present day where Jay Cutler is currently staring at a 55.0 QBR which is bad enough for 19th place.

Cutler’s touchdown to interception ratio this season is currently a pitiful 1.6, which is close to the worst in the NFL. Amongst active quarterbacks he is 21st with a 1.41 ratio. Aaron Rodgers leads the pack (pun intended) with a 3.91 touchdown to interception ratio. Kyle Orton, Michael Vick and Matt Schaub all rank ahead of him. The Bears were somehow able to lock down Cutler’s services for the foreseeable future signing him to a 7-year, 126.7 million dollar contract in which he gets $22.5 million this year. Currently Cutler has thrown 18 interceptions. That’s $1.25 million per interception. He has 5 wins so far this season. That computes to $4.5 million per win. Over 16 games that comes to a little over $1.40 million per game. Are you f*cking kidding me. Should be more like $1.40 per game. Shame on you Jay Cutler. Shame on you.

coincidence

Do you know what the license plate read on the Ferrari they used for their sailboat motor in One Crazy Summer? It read “CULATER”. Add an “A” to Cutler and scramble the letters around and that’s what you get. Maybe he can get a recurring role as a douche bag on The League. I wish they’d make him Rafi’s pet human.

But enough of Jay Cutler, let’s talk about some bonafide superstars that would be sure to get you into the Super Bowl.

QB: Aaron Rodgers (8.10)
RB: LeSean McCoy (7.0)
RB: Jamaal Charles (5.80)
WR: Calvin Johnson (7.30)
WR: T.Y. Hilton (7.0)
TE: Julius Thomas (3.50)
FL: Jordy Nelson (8)
K: Adam Vinatieri (5.0)
DST: St. Louis Rams (5.0)

If you had that lineup you’d be laughing all the way to the bank. Or not! Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Lose with the aforementioned lineup and the world laughs at you. Weep, and you weep alone. And lose you most certainly would have done. These “MVPs” combined for 56.7 points in Yahoo! half point leagues. Say it ain’t so! But indeed it is. Holy playoff week letdown Batman! Somewhere out there in some league someone had to have this lineup. They might have even been undefeated coming into this week. Not anymore!

For what it’s worth, every one of these players is worth rostering. Jay Cutler is not!

Surprisingly the lineup that would have gotten the job done is this one that combined for 152.3 fantasy points.

QB: Teddy Bridgewater (17.60)
RB: Knile Davis (20.60)
RB: Matt Asiata (18.10)
WR: Harry Douglas (18.10)
WR: Devin Hester (17.0)
TE: Owen Daniels (14.20)
FL: James Jones (15.70)
K: Josh Scobee (18.0)
DST: New York Giants (13.0)

The only player on that list that I can partially recommend adding at this point is Harry Douglas. And that is only, and I repeat “only”, if Julio Jones is out again next week. Douglas was targeted 14 times on Sunday, catching 10 of them for 131 yards. He was a touchdown short of an awesome day. But if Jones is back, Douglas will return to fantasy irrelevance. Does a bear sh*t in the woods? No he sh*ts on on the football field (and urinal). Good luck peoples…

urinal-cutler

  1. jb smoove says:
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    What was Josh mccown’s qbr last season??

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @jb smoove: 85.1

      • jb smoove says:
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        @malamoney:

        20 points higher than Cutler? Impressive.

        • malamoney

          malamoney says:
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          @jb smoove: Cutler benched. I guess upper management in Chicago read my post…

  2. Clint says:
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    Can’t stop laughing looking at that picture, lol!

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Clint: Which one?

  3. JC says:
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    Alright, well if Cutler isn’t worth starting this week, who is? RGIII? Eli? Bridgewater???

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @JC: Clausen will start for the Bears this week. You heard it here first. So yes, I’d go with any of those options over Cutler…

  4. Scott says:
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    Cutler pooping in the urinal. Classic! Especially with that expression. Cutlerface!

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Scott: I thought he was taking a dump, but the fact that he has to sit down to take a leak might be just as funny…

  5. Maver1ck says:
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    Championship Week!

    Stick with Russ Wilson @ Arizona this week or pick up RG3 for a home game vs. Philly?

    Seems tempting but I’ll probably end up sticking with what got me here (Russ)

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Maver1ck: Stick with Wilson. He had a decent game against Arizona a few weeks ago. While that was at home, I expect him to have a similar game.

  6. friar says:
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    I’m preparing for a scenario where Peyton might not play in week 17 if the Patriots win their early game and the Broncos are locked into the #2 seed. To prepare for this, I’m stashing a backup QB who won’t play until after the first slate of games.

    Unfortunately, the 3 afternoon games don’t offer many appetizing QB options, and the SNF matchup won’t be set until next week. Which of these two guys would you recommend as the better stash?

    – Carr @ Den: in this scenario, the Broncos are resting Manning (and maybe some of their D starters as well?)
    – Dalton @ Pit: Dalton can be awful, but he’s the only available QB who might get flexed into SNF (although, honestly, it seems almost certain to be Det @ GB)

    Carr seems like the better move to me, unless you think he’ll be so much worse than Dalton that it’s worth picking up Dalton until SNF gets announced, and then dropping him for Carr if the Bengals stay in the early block of games.

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @friar: Personally I’d go with Dalton, but let me ask you this. Why does the QB have to be in one of the late games? If Peyton doesn’t play you have to pull him out of your lineup before the early games anyway. So why not stick in a QB from an early game at the same time?

      • friar says:
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        @malamoney: Maybe I’m wrong (the tie-breakers are mind-boggling), but the way things look to me, the Patriots and Broncos will be jockeying for the #1 seed up through next weekend. If the Patriots win out, then they hold the tie-breaker over the Broncos. The Pats play at 1:00 in week 17 and the Broncos play at 4:25. Therefore, if the Pats win, the Broncos might make a last minute decision to sit Peyton (or pull him after one series). If the Pats lose, though, Peyton will almost certainly play to secure home field advantage.

        Thus, I either need to bail on Peyton early (which might be best, especially given his recent performance), or have a backup QB who plays in the 4 o’clock games or SNF who I can plug in last minute. Does that make sense?

        If I decide to bench Peyton before the 1:00 games, I would have a wider set of QBs to choose from. In addition to Dalton and Carr, I could also go with Bridgewater vs. Chi, McCown vs. NO, or RG3 vs. Dal. Any of those guys seem worth playing over Peyton, given that I won’t yet know whether Peyton will play?

        • malamoney

          malamoney says:
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          @friar: Ah. I didn’t realize you were talking about week 17. You league plays in week 17? I don’t think they will sit Peyton.

          • friar says:
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            @malamoney: Yeah, my league does two-week playoff matchups, which is nice, but it means we butt into the morass that is week 17. Okay, I’ll operate under the assumption that Peyton will play (he will, after all, have the bye week to rest up), and if I need to pick up another QB last minute, I sort of doubt anyone else will have grabbed Carr. Thanks!

            • malamoney

              malamoney says:
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              @friar: I much prefer two week playoffs. It’s a much more fair system. But you can’t play in week 17, so the regular season needs to end a week earlier.

              • friar says:
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                @malamoney: Yeah, that’s a fight I’ve been having with my commissioner for a few years now. His argument is that he doesn’t like the last week of the regular season to be a bye week. I fail to see how that in any way compares with the chaos caused by deciding the championship in week 17, but I seem to be fighting a losing battle…

  7. Steve Stevenson says:
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    I was all psyched to start the Seahawks DST against Lindley. But now I could also start the Lions against Clausen! This is a tough call.

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: Tough call. Might stick with Seattle…

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