There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.
Let’s take a look at Cutler’s QBR since he joined the Bears in 2009. That year Cutler had a QBR of 47.6, which was good enough for 20th place, and the Bears finished 7-9, missing the playoffs. Finishing ahead of him that year was David Garrard, Chad Henne and Donovan McNabb. In 2010 Cutler’s numbers took a slight dip when he finished the season with a QBR of 44.7 (22nd place). The Bears managed to win their division that year, but that was largely in part to the strength of the defense which allowed the 3rd least points against. In 2011 Jay must have dialed it up a notch. He managed to earn a QBR of 55.9, but that could have something to do with the fact that he only played 10 games that season. I’m sure he would have driven that number down given 6 more opportunities. 2012 saw Cutler’s QBR drop back down to 50.2, finishing behind the likes of Christian Ponder and Josh Freeman. Last year Cutler earned his best QBR since becoming a Bear with a QBR of 66.4, earning him a top-10 finish. He failed, however, to lead his team to the playoffs. That brings us to the present day where Jay Cutler is currently staring at a 55.0 QBR which is bad enough for 19th place.
Cutler’s touchdown to interception ratio this season is currently a pitiful 1.6, which is close to the worst in the NFL. Amongst active quarterbacks he is 21st with a 1.41 ratio. Aaron Rodgers leads the pack (pun intended) with a 3.91 touchdown to interception ratio. Kyle Orton, Michael Vick and Matt Schaub all rank ahead of him. The Bears were somehow able to lock down Cutler’s services for the foreseeable future signing him to a 7-year, 126.7 million dollar contract in which he gets $22.5 million this year. Currently Cutler has thrown 18 interceptions. That’s $1.25 million per interception. He has 5 wins so far this season. That computes to $4.5 million per win. Over 16 games that comes to a little over $1.40 million per game. Are you f*cking kidding me. Should be more like $1.40 per game. Shame on you Jay Cutler. Shame on you.
Do you know what the license plate read on the Ferrari they used for their sailboat motor in One Crazy Summer? It read “CULATER”. Add an “A” to Cutler and scramble the letters around and that’s what you get. Maybe he can get a recurring role as a douche bag on The League. I wish they’d make him Rafi’s pet human.
But enough of Jay Cutler, let’s talk about some bonafide superstars that would be sure to get you into the Super Bowl.
QB: Aaron Rodgers (8.10)
RB: LeSean McCoy (7.0)
RB: Jamaal Charles (5.80)
WR: Calvin Johnson (7.30)
WR: T.Y. Hilton (7.0)
TE: Julius Thomas (3.50)
FL: Jordy Nelson (8)
K: Adam Vinatieri (5.0)
DST: St. Louis Rams (5.0)
If you had that lineup you’d be laughing all the way to the bank. Or not! Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Lose with the aforementioned lineup and the world laughs at you. Weep, and you weep alone. And lose you most certainly would have done. These “MVPs” combined for 56.7 points in Yahoo! half point leagues. Say it ain’t so! But indeed it is. Holy playoff week letdown Batman! Somewhere out there in some league someone had to have this lineup. They might have even been undefeated coming into this week. Not anymore!
For what it’s worth, every one of these players is worth rostering. Jay Cutler is not!
Surprisingly the lineup that would have gotten the job done is this one that combined for 152.3 fantasy points.
QB: Teddy Bridgewater (17.60)
RB: Knile Davis (20.60)
RB: Matt Asiata (18.10)
WR: Harry Douglas (18.10)
WR: Devin Hester (17.0)
TE: Owen Daniels (14.20)
FL: James Jones (15.70)
K: Josh Scobee (18.0)
DST: New York Giants (13.0)
The only player on that list that I can partially recommend adding at this point is Harry Douglas. And that is only, and I repeat “only”, if Julio Jones is out again next week. Douglas was targeted 14 times on Sunday, catching 10 of them for 131 yards. He was a touchdown short of an awesome day. But if Jones is back, Douglas will return to fantasy irrelevance. Does a bear sh*t in the woods? No he sh*ts on on the football field (and urinal). Good luck peoples…