Handcuff Report, Week 10: Boobies, Bobbys, and Jonas.

Over the past few weeks we’ve had handcuffs breakout as temporary starters (Jeremy Hill), handcuffs keep the seat warm (Bobby Rainey), handcuffs to handcuffs become starters (Boobie Dixon), and practice squad players become viable fuzzy handcuffs (Jonas Gray). It’s a crazy mixed up world this handcuffing game, but us real hustlerz stay on our grind. Snatching your handcuffs, before you can get mine. It’s the way to championships and riches, we brought you Justin Forsett, Chris Ivory, and Denard (Robinson) Snitches! Liffy Out! Sorry for the random freestyle, but I needed to put you up on game. Lifshitz is so street that I have hood passes witout expiration dates. That’s another story for a never time..Yes, I meant to type never, because I’m not telling you….nan-never-ever. You want to fight?? That was street right? Hay-Zeus I’m rhyming again, oops. On to the handcuffs!

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Jerick McKinnon – Looks like he’s going to go back to being a handcuff, if Adrian Peterson is in fact back in week 11 after the bye. It’s funny his YPC is 5.0 for the season and I still feel like he’s underwhelmed. He’s probably a victim of the offense, and Matt Asiata‘s existence more than anything else. He could have some value as a change of pace RB, but with AP (possibly) coming back fresh and focused, there may not be too many carries to pass around. I mean why wouldn’t the Vikings give Peterson an insane amount of carries? The only issue is the league accepting his reinstatement. Reportedly they rejected the immediate reinstatement upon news of the plea deal, but I have a feeling he’ll be back in the next few weeks. If Peterson is in fact done for the season then the Vikes backfield stays status quo. You know McKinnon’s the running back and Asiata is the value stealing bulldozer on the goalline.

Monte Ball – First round bust, and all around despicable fantasy player Monte Ball is supposedly re-joining the work force, as a handcuff. I have a feeling he’s going to suck away all of Ronnie Hillman‘s value. Well Ronnie it was good while it lasted. Thanks for the W’s kid! Oh, I don’t think he’s going to steal that many touches from Hillman. Oh no, I think he’s going to infect him with his contagious suck. Some how Knowshon Moreno avoided it last season, but his body bore the brunt of this burden and broke down. The man is a curse, if you’d like to pick him up go for it, but don’t be shocked when bad things start to happen.

Charles Sims – You know Charles you are so like that Katy Perry song from back in the day. No not Kissed a Girl you silly goose, the hot and cold one. Tee-hee…Yes I scare myself too, a lot. Back to Charles..where were you last Sunday dude? I know people that had to pickup Bobby Rainey (gasp!) because of you! Actually, to be fair, Rainey was a pretty solid flex last week. FYI Sims inactive last Sunday doesn’t effect my long term outlook. I’d still hold him in re-draft and dynasty formats, he’s going to have value very soon.

Cleveland Browns Running Backs – Stay away from this group, they’re poison. Every week someone from this three-headed evil coven has value. The infuriating part is figuring out which one. I think Mike Pettine likes to mess with fantasy owners. For example I’m watching the game as I’m writing this and Terrance West just ran for a touchdown. West was the last of the three headed monster to score a touchdown. He and Isaiah Crowell have shared most of the carries (12/12 at this point in time), and  Ben Tate has been the third wheel. My guess the third wheel gets the grease next week. It makes no sense, so it makes sense…that’s so Cleveland.

Christine Michael – He saw 4 carries last week, so he in fact does exist. He is not the football version of Sidd Finch. His value still totally hinges on Marshawn Lynch getting hurt, and even then Robert Turbin might get the lion’s share. He’s a stash for the next year, I actually plucked him from the wavier wire in a 14 team dynasty that I’m “reloading” (sucking) in.

Fuzzy Handcuffs 

These guys are fun, fun, fun! Not for everyday use but good to own, and a blast when they’re in the mix. We may wish for a bit more run but have to accept that they’re splitting time and getting the most of their opportunities. Most of these handsome devils could probably be studs if given the chance.

Standard Issue Police

Whether you’re in the back of a squad car or sitting on the corner while the Po-Po search your whip, you’re going nowhere. Do you know why? Because those things are locked on your wrists with a death grip. Much like those cuffs, these running backs are firmly locked into their positions. Not for a lack of ability, but because the starters are firmly entrenched in their roles. These backs could have value on any given week but more than likely you’ll need an injury to make these guys startable.

Duct Tape Cuffs

These are of the homemade variety, you’ll use them in a pinch (i.e the starting stud goes down) but they’re always in your drawer (wavier wire) ready to step in and do their job. It may be to the bare minimum degree but they can buy you some time.

Thanks for reading and Happy Handcuffing!

Don’t forget to send me all your Running Back Questions on twitter @ralphlifshitzbb.