Well, well, well, here we are again my lovelies, Week 15! We are a’tappin’ on the backdoor of playoff season. This past week was very unkind to yours truly in the Fantasy Football area, as it seems my Black Widow Curse went on a feeding frenzy and decimated every piece of man soul on my rosters. Hell, even George, the groundskeeper I picked up back in Week 3, went down with a severed spine AND a triple felony. Yes, this has to be one of the most unforgiving Fantasy Football seasons I have ever had the displeasure of engaging in. The amount of pain I have endured this season would make even the Marquis de Sade blush. Thankfully, it is almost over and I can go back to my life of ComiCons and meth smoking. Like I mentioned in my very first Hit it or Quit it post for Razzball, playing Fantasy Football is a lot like dating… sometimes you are the one doing the screwing, and sometimes you are the one getting screwed. So, as we knock on the backdoor of playoffs, lay back, get comfy, throw on some Luther Vandross, and let me do my thing (I’ll even buy you dinner first) with this week’s Hit it or Quit it.
Knile Davis – Ok, I know what you are going to say here… “Jen, are you sure you haven’t started the meth smoking again already?” No, I am pretty sure I haven’t. Peep this…If there is anything my readers are familiar with, its handcuffs. Whether a cop, a date or a fantasy football player is involved, I know you band of degenerates know what I am talking about. And, as we all know, Master Ralph Lifshitz talks handcuffs and safe words with you every week on Razzball as well, so let’s stop fooling each other, shall we? If you are a Jamaal Charles owner, like me, your b-holes slammed shut again when he exited Sunday’s game with an apparent ankle injury. Enter Davis, handcuff extraordinaire. Sure, Knile hasn’t been relevant since about Week 3 since Charles’ return, but after this past weekend, Davis is looking like a nice handcuff to Charles and could possibly see a larger role in the Chiefs’ run game, especially if they want to keep Charles healthy. Davis is owned in 40% of most leagues, so you may want to minimize those porn windows for a few minutes to put in the waiver claim. Do me a favor, spice up your lives and rosters, bust out the handcuffs, get dirty and Hit it.
Jonathan Stewart – This lovely has been stashed on my benches all year and I have not had much cause to use him, much like a backup vibrator, but thanks to my Black Widow Curse decimating all, I had to whip him out, Stewart that is, and I am glad I did. Rushing 20 times for 155 yards and a TD against the Saints, Stewart managed to run all over the Saints’ defense. Sure, DeAngelo Williams’ status affects Stewart’s value, but with him being out nursing a broken finger and a posting a pathetic 3.5 YPC this season, Williams is doing nothing but making Stewart look like a porn star. At just 40% owned in most leagues, Stewart will be a rock hard RB2 for Week 15’s matchup against Tampa Bay if Williams is still out and a solid Flex play even if Williams does play. If you are in any of my leagues, too bad, this bitch is already mine, but if not, then you need to jump on the waiver wires and Hit it.
Charles Johnson – Cordarrelle who? Yep, there is a new HBIC in Minne-sote these days and the impotent and ever fantasy disaster that is Patterson has only managed to do one thing…insure a solid role for Charles Johnson. Catching four passes for 104 yards and a TD in Sunday’s win over the Jets, this Johnson has shown that he needs no Viagra to go hard. Johnson has also played on over 97% of the snaps while Patterson has only been involved in about 30%. Johnson is looking like a nice stash on a bench or a flex start in deeper leagues. He is projected to give fantasy owners some decent yardage and it seems that Teddy Bridgewater is starting to look at this Johnson and give him more attention, especially after the satisfying performance from Week 14. At just 20% owned in most leagues, he is the only Vikings receiver worth looking at these days who isn’t facing felony charges. So, take it from a girl who knows a good Johnson, Charles that is, this one is guaranteed to satisfy. Hit it.
Donte Moncrief – The most infuriating thing about Moncrief is how he is treated by the Colts. He is completely underutilized. It’s like dating a guy with a big package and finding out that he is a Bible thumper, saving himself for marriage. It just makes no sense and is a poor use of assets, if you catch my drift. Moncrief outsnapped Hakeem Nicks in Sunday’s win over Washington, and has done so twice in the past two weeks, but is still only being used on 45% of the snaps. At this point, however, Moncrief is showing that he has a ton of potential and can really satisfy. At just 28% owned in most leagues, he is a must own WR2/3 and has Dynasty league value as a WR1. So, if you can appreciate a good package like yours truly, I suggest you get your cute little asses to the waiver wire and try to win this lovely with a Hit it.
Kerwynn Williams – Are you in the same position as me and trying desperately to find a running back on the waiver wire in Week 15? The pickin’s there are slimmer than the bar at closing time! If you are desperate and your beer goggles aren’t working, then you may want to take a look at Williams. Rushing 19 times for 100 yards in Week 14 against the Cardinals, Williams managed to out touch lead back Stepfan Taylor 19 to 7, and handled nearly all of the second half carries. The kicker? Williams was signed off the practice squad only two days before. Despite Bruce Arians stating that Taylor will continue to be the lead back, I’d expect Williams’ 5.3 YPC to be in contention for Taylor’s job. At just 2% owned in most leagues, this virgin seems to be a natural in the satisfaction area. Maybe it’s time to move on and try a little something new. I like a man who has natural talent and knows what he is doing. You better get to this one before I do. Hit it.
Marquis Lee – 14 catches for 194 yards and a TD over the past 3 games? Targeted eight times for 11 receptions two weeks in a row? Averaging 13.4 yards per reception which is the most of any receiver on Jacksonville? Yeah, Marquis Lee may not be more than a Flex starter at this point, but it seems that the tide is turning and he has some nice upside moving into Week 15. Sure, Allen Hurns and Cecil Shorts still hold first and second position, but Lee seems to be emerging as the receiver gaining the most attention from Blake Bortles as he led the Jags in receptions. For now, he is still a WR4/5 but is showing more value for Dynasty leagues. At just 4% owned in most leagues, Lee will have plenty of opportunities to bust out with games against the likes of Baltimore, Tennessee, and Houston. Come on, you have all made questionable decisions in the past, but unlike those ones, this one won’t leave you with Herpes. Throw on a raincoat and Hit it.
Ben Tate – Rushing just three times for 15 yards in Week 14 against the Jets, it was clear that Tate is nothing more than a rebound. Losing out on time to Matt Asiata but playing more than Joe Banyard, Tate has accounted for only 2.0 fantasy points in the past four weeks combined. He has only accrued 70.80 fantasy points in 2014, yet this time last year, he was responsible for 128.10. It is clear that Asiata is the HBIC with McKinnon out, and there is very little room for Tate. Unless he pulls some kind of Tanya Harding b.s. on Asiata, don’t expect much production from him. 7% of most owners have been smart enough to drop this zero in the past 2 days, but 53% of you are still holding on. Don’t go all Wilson Phillips on me…don’t hold on for one more day. Quit it.
Reggie Wayne – The man of a thousand injuries seems to have another one, and Chuck Pagano has no idea what he wants to do with him. Knee injuries. Elbow injuries. Now torn triceps. Sure, all this may just be excuses for his pathetic play of late, but being a 36 year old player with multiple injuries and coming off an ACL tear last year should make anyone second guess this decision. So, the Colts don’t know if they want to shut Wayne down for the season or not, but if they do, then this could really open the door for Donte Moncrief (see above). Despite roping in 22 targets over the past three weeks, Wayne posts receiving lines of 3-10-0, 4-31-0, and 1-5-0. Need I say more? Look, I know you love him and you have been through a lot together, but a relationship is a two way street, and you are doing all the work. You deserve much better and he’d probably tear a hammy making you breakfast in bed. Lose this zero and get with a hero. Quit it.
Martavis Bryant – Hmm, it seems not all that long ago, this specimen was a Hit it. Oh, how fickle the Gods (and writers) of fantasy football can be! Catching four passes for 109 yards and a TD in the Steelers’ Week 14 win over the “Bungles,” it seems that Bryant is working hard, vying for Roethlisberger’s wandering eye these days. Competing for attention against Markus Wheaton, Le’Veon Bell, and Antonio Brown, Bryant has now become a hard man to trust…in Fantasy leagues that is. He posted a fairly silent 3-15-0 line deep into the fourth quarter Sunday and if it wasn’t for a big play for a TD, many a Yinzer would’ve forgotten Bryant was even there. I know I did. He needs to depend on big plays to make himself valuable and this is something that we Hit it or Quiters know just won’t meet our standards. Perhaps if he were a drunken roofied co-ed, old Big Ben would pay more attention to him, but alas, he is not. Come on, you know you don’t have to settle. Quit it.
Terrance West – Rushing 15 times for 54 yards in the Browns’ Week 14 loss to Indy, the most shocking thing here was that West even started in the first place over Isaiah Crowell. Just two days before the game, Mike Pettine suggested that West would be a healthy scratch in the game and it was suspected that this was the case because of his flare up of fumbleitis against the Bills, which resulted in a Bills TD in Week 13. West and Crowell shared rotation with carries in Week 14, but it was Crowell who saw all of the juicy the Red Zone work. Look, if his own coach has no idea what he wants to do with him, why do you? Not to mention he was not involved in the passing game at all. West continues to be a really sketchy flex option in Week 15 against the Bengals, so why would you want to take that chance? At this stage in the game, we need a hero, and West is not it. Listen to me on this one, my lovelies… Quit it.
There you have it my lovelies! Hit it or Quit it, Week 15 is in the bag! As always, love me, hate me, whatever, I am still the one with the Writer’s credit. Remember to follow me on Twitter for all of my general musings, sports throw-downs, and Fantasy knowledge. Good luck in the playoffs! Until next week…