As has become tradition around these parts, it’s now time for me to lay down my bold and beautiful predictions for the 2014 Fantasy Football Season. Just in case, uh, you didn’t read the title. If you are unaware of our traditions, well, you should know that there’s really only two dictating factors when coming up with bold predictions. First, they must include at least half the Padres roster. Since this is football, we should be safe from this one… maybe. The second factor is that these predictions must actually be bold. There’s a lot of boldness being pumped inside the interwebs (this sounds hot, maybe?), but then you’ll reach where said boldness was supposed to occur, and it’s some kind of bland statement that “Rob Gronkowski will be fantasy relevant this season.” Gee, thanks? What does that even mean anyways? Fantasy relevant how? Where? I could argue Geno Smith is sorta-kinda fantasy relevant, that doesn’t mean I should pay attention. Mostly because Geno Smith is pretty bad. No, here you’ll deal with focused bold, um, stuff, going everywhere. I have weaponized boldness, so there. For example, you want a bold prediction for Rob Gronkowski? I’m stating right now that he will start in at least two games this year. Bold AND beautiful, and we’re just talking about my jawline…
Ahmad Bradshaw will finish with more fantasy points than Frank Gore.
Both were once considered “bell cow” backs, which I guess means that they look wonderful around the neck of a cow, and really are the go to accessory when cows are choosing a purse to tie everything together. Or maybe they are a bell in the shape of a cow, in which my only question would be: Why? Both are considered to have their own risk, Gore with the fade, and Bradshaw with injury concerns. They also have young backs that could have a huge say in how they are used in game planning. But let’s not forget that before 2013, Bradshaw had been averaging 207 carries for the past four years… not too shabby. And sure, Gore had yet another Gorish (is that a thing?) season with 276 carries for 1,128 yards and nine touch downs. But there was a noticable fade as the season progressed, and out of the only three 100+ rushing yard games he had, just one was after week 6. So with this prediction, I’m essentially saying that I’m going all in on Ahmad Bradshaw’s health, and am anticipating a continual fade with Frank Gore. Which, if you want to look for a hidden meaning, this also could mean that I think Carlos Hyde is good, and Trent Richardson is not. Also, I love bacon. Not sure if that’s something you can take away from this analysis, but you should know regardless.
This one is easy, as I’m not fully trusting Jordan Reed at the moment. The concussion history is certainly a concern, and now his “strain” is making me strain. I understand that he has top-5 ability, but with the glut of depth at the position, I’d just rather roll for something cheaper. Like an Antonio Gates. OR Dwayne Allen. Because Coby Fleener is not good at what he does. This is science people. You can’t argue with science.
Jake Locker will throw for more touchdowns than Nick Foles.
I’m not necessarily saying that Nick Foles is a bad quarterback. That being said, I’m working off the assumption that last season was a bit of an outlier, and that a coming back to Earth will happen. The fact that he’s in space to begin with, well, that’s anyone’s guess. And while he’s falling back into geosynchronous orbit, just to follow through on the metaphor, there are some scenario’s here where Jake Locker’s star will rise… (too easy). In fact, when finding out that I ranked him higher than Yahoo, here’s what I said about him: “…it’s no secret that the offensive scheme he’s now a part of feeds off of high-accuracy short and mid passes, and with the majority of his running backs and receivers having yards-after-carry potential, well, let’s just say I’m one of those crazy people who thinks that if the team’s offense does well, so will the quarterback. TOO CRAZY.” I obviously feel the same, though I might have gone with a better descriptor than “feeds”. Since this is bold time, I’m willing to indulge the possibility that Jake Locker plays over his head, and the exact opposite happens to Nick Foles. Something-something-supernova, space shuttles, and last but not least, Uranus. SPACE METAPHOR COMPLETE.
This one is pretty fascinating to me, because they can both be so derpy in their own way. And while Stafford doesn’t have something that can come close to Manningface, he does have a lot of weapons on offense. Having guys like Calvin Johnson, and whoever is playing opposite Calvin Johnson… I’m pretty sure a piece of broccoli on wheels could be fantasy relevant as a WR2 on this team, but instead, we get Golden Tate. Add that up with Reggie Bush (until a week 3 hamstring pull) and someone other than Brandon Pettigrew, well, Stafford will make his attempts. The only issue here is that the Lions really have no defense to speak of. While on the surface, this might be even better news for Stafford, the laws of nature dictate (also known as the laws of Romo) that the more times you throw, the bigger the chance there is to be intercepted. See: 2013, Manning, Eli. Look at that pro segue. I should be clear here, I’m not convinced that Eli Manning is an elite quarterback, at least not in the way I think Joe Flacco is elite, but last year appeared to be just so glaringly bad, he has no choice but to do better. Right? Right. Um…
I like Le’Veon Bell and Zac Stacy. This is pretty much obvious if you’ve spent any time on the site reading my post’s, looking at my rankings, or even looking at my projections. And the thing is, I’m still generally bullish on McCoy as well. Even so, in terms of running backs, anything can happen. In fact, we have amazing ways to describe the things that can happen. You could be Wilsoned. You could be Richardsoned. And, unfortunately, you can also be Spillered. Strange things happen, hype-trains crash, ankles and hamstrings collapse… and that’s to say, this is a very bold prediction. But it could happen, and I’m betting on the two guys I really like to make it happen.
Since this one is probably the boldest (or most ridiculous), I’ll just let it stand on its own. Like a monument to awesomeness. Awesomely myopic homerism maybe… but still awesome.