Over my days that have turned to months and then into years that have then accumulated to become me and my history, I’ve built up a strong tolerance to things; Alcohol, Kathy Griffin on New Years, Jehovah Witnesses at my doorstep and violence in American films are just some of the atrocities I’ve come to accept and am able to let slide down my gullet with nary a cough nor a whimper. But tonight’s game…oh, tonight’s game was intolerable. At first I thought it was the weather. You know, a rainy night making it hard for the David vs Goliath matchup that was the Steelers versus the Chiefs to unfold the way everyone expected it to. But then Ben Roethlisberger went down with a separated shoulder in the 3rd quarter and the good that had turned to bad just got uglier than that girl you woke up next to after your all night bender. My friends, the first half was nasty and I was glad I was at a bar because I had to drink my sorrows away just having to watch it but I held in the recesses of my blackened heart a hope that the second half would bring fireworks as big as Katy Perry’s…ahem, I was referring to the song, thank you very much. Ya pervs. Nevertheless, the glory never came to pass and I was stuck crawling out of the bar in the wee hours of the Monday night but only because I said something that was misinterpreted by the waitress and was thrown down there. I said I hoped she liked her big TIPS for the night. Yeah, I know I said it with air quotes but come on, it wasn’t worth the rage people. Nevertheless, this morning’s post is going to be short on fantasy pertinence and more so based on the flatulence of reality. I hope you all understand. In more fantasy football that makes me wanna cry news…
Jamaal Charles – He is really, truly the only fantasy relevant player from the night. I almost led with him but felt like I’d be leading you on doing that. There were no fantasies satiated tonight and I don’t like to be a tease. Though he wasn’t as involved in the passing game as he usually is, he still turned in 100 yards on the ground with 23 carries while chipping in the lone touchdown for the Chiefs. I did say to buy him last week but in all honesty, I didn’t see it as a great buy for this week but beyond. I will say the weather probably put the ball in Jamaal’s hands more so than the playbook would’ve normally dictated as the Chiefs rushed the ball 35 times as a whole. If you were worried about Peyton Hillis before the season as a Charles owner, I think tonight could and should dissuade you. Though he got 11 touches, he turned them into a mere 32 yards.  I’m completely over the Hillis at this point in my crotchety and grizzled fantasy career.
Mike Wallace – Three catches for 14 yards and the lone Steelers touchdown. BTW, his touchdown catch was for 7 yards. So after the first half, he caught 2 balls for 7 yards…horrid. If you own any part of the Steelers offense that you spent big bucks on , I’d be officially worried with the Big Ben injury. This is the type of stuff that can ruin fantasy seasons.
Heath Miller – See the Wallace blurb above. Started the game strong with 4 receptions for 47 yards. Closed out the game with Byron Leftwich and finished with 4 receptions for 47 yards. No that wasn’t a typo. I repeated myself on purpose. Your sneaky TE value that I‘ve loved along with you since week 1 might be dead.
Matt Cassel – A QB rating of 46 while completing less than 50% of his passes with no touchdowns and the INT that sealed the game for Pittsburgh in overtime. If I’m a Chiefs fan, I’m not booing Cassel nor cheering when he gets hurt. I’m booing management for putting him in the starting lineup and leaving him there for 4 years. Then I’m driving over all of their knee caps and cheering.
Tony Moeaki – I said a couple of weeks ago I liked him and he makes for a great deep sleeper at the TE position. He then followed that up with a goose egg in every viable column: 0 targets, 0 touches, 0 yards. So of course tonight he has 3 receptions for 68 yards. This is what happens when your QB is Cassel. Namely something and then a whole lotta nothing.
Dwayne Bowe – Same old Bowe; good WR on a bad offense. Had 55 yards on 4 receptions and a touchdown that got called back due to a holding penalty. When I hear that song ‘Nobody knows The Trouble I’ve Seen’ song, I reminisce on Dwayne and say to myself ‘Bowe Knows’.
Jonathan Dwyer/Isaac Redman – Isaac started the night with the first three carries for a mere 6 yards and then fumbled. Dwyer then followed with 3 carries for 6 yards but got to keep carrying it because he didn’t fumble. Dwyer finished with 56 yards on 19 carries while Redman finished with 21 on 8. And of course Rashard Mendenhall might even be back this week to further muddle that which was already a mess. The Steelers backfield: where fantasy hopes have come to be dashed since 2012.
Emmanuel Sanders – Lotta ‘ifs’ here. If the weather had been better, if Big Ben had stayed healthy and if this game hadn’t been the worst game ever, Sanders might have down something worthy of fantasy ownership. I should know, I nabbed him for this week with that purpose in mind. Instead, 2 catches for 30 yards and a carry for another 4. Just take this as a firm reminder the only Emmanuel for fantasy was made back in 1974. It’s French so it’s art, people.
