EAGLES BORN OUT OF THUNDER

EAGLES BORN OUT OF THUNDER

I sometimes wonder how we got through this past Sunday without the innovation and up-tempo musings of one Chip Kelly. While there is a double-header tonight (and the Vikings vs. 49ers should be quite the average-quality type of game), most eyes will be watching the coach who is known as the master of quicksaster, the dean of getting rid of disgruntled African-American players, the champion of signing one of the best African-American running backs this offseason, and the king of trading anything and everything to mold the Eagles into the Oregon Ducks. Probably one of the longest descriptions of Chip Kelly out there, sure, but still apt, and it has nothing on the thesis-order you’d put in at Starbucks to get a coffee, black. Yes, Chip Kelly is all those things and more, and tonight, we get to see his experiment finally at work. With offensive principles like Sam Bradford, DeMarco Murray, and Ryan Mathews, I ask you, what could go wrong?

 

By the Numbers

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264.9 – Yards per game the Eagles gave up in the passing game last season. Atlanta was the only team worse at 279.9 yards per game.

16 – The amount of games Sam Bradford played during his rookie year. Since then, he’s only played 33 games out of 64 possible starts.

16Mark Sanchez’s target age demographic when partying.

11Teddy Bridgewater’s rank in the NFL with a 64.4 completion percentage.

11 – The amount of dumpster fires equal to the 49ers’ offseason.

 

Drinking Game

"HEY, SHUT THIS MELON FARMER DOWN!"

“HEY, SHUT THESE MELON FARMERS DOWN”

Take one sip of beer if…

Tony Gonzalez is mentioned.

Kaepernicking occurs.

Matt Ryan looks pensive. (Take baby sips…)

Anytime you feel like a defender seems confused (ex: waving arms around) at the Eagles offense.

Mike Tirico asks a stupid question.

Chip Kelly and “innovative” are mentioned in the same sentence.

The commercial bumpers show The Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Lombard Street, The Streetcar, or Pier 39.

Take one shot of liquor if…

You see Arthur Blank looking pensive with his bizarre pedo-mustache.

Every time Jon Gruden says something that’s complete nonsense.

The Eagles are on offense and the play clock somehow gets under 10 seconds.

 

Totally Legitmate Game Prediction

Eagles – 70 (Average amount of seconds an entire Eagles drive takes.)

Falcons – 6 (The amount of years Mike Smith was a coach for the Falcons. Seriously.)

Vikings – 36, I mean, 32, eh. Probably 33. Sorry, Adrian Peterson being back is forcing me to switch the score.

49ers – 32 (The amount of players that left in free agency, retired, and was kidnapped this past offseason.)

 

 

  1. Barker says:
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    10 team 1/2 ppr qb flex

    I lost dez and my matchup natch

    Qb rivers wr marshall robinson agholor rb gore murray te graham qbflex newton
    Bn blount crowell t coleman garcon olsen dez

    I am going with crowell as the potential drop but for whom
    Available wr ja jones moncrief lockett coleman
    Available rb chris johnson david johnson deangelo benny
    Available te asj reed
    dont need a te as i have two good ones but could use as a block so i can more easily trade olsen or graham but prolly wont do that — asj may have the most talent out of these guys but the worst team environment and he cant help me immediately

    Additionally i have the #1 waiver priority should i use it on any of these clowns or wait for another big injury later in the season i was leaning toward james jones but he seems underwhelming although he could score a hat trick any given sunday

    Trades i am currently offering
    Gore graham for lynch davante adams
    kid owns russ wilson and has heath and dwayne allen at TE
    Gore graham for j hill martavis bryant
    Kid has owen daniels at TE

    Would it be an OK idea to trade dez for a wr in the cooks/alshon range or should i hold for now

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Barker: I’d wait for now. Use Garcon, I like him a lot right now. It’s okay to trade if you get something like Cooks and Alshon back, sure.

      • Barker says:
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        @Jay: if jones moncreif or either johnson from arizona pass waivers somehow should i pull the trigger on dropping crowell i know the jets def and d line are good but crowell and that browns team are just terrible

  2. Dom B says:
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    This article was awesome good job.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Thanks!

      • Mike says:
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        @Jay: Agreed. This was good stuff.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Mike: Thanks!

  3. Scott says:
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    wow, sure am glad I backed up Bradford with Taylor

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Scott: Yeah, the offensive line hasn’t helped him at all, but when he has time, this check downs look terrible.

  4. Precision says:
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    Touchdown only league…

    I have Agholor. Would you drop him for James Jones, WAtkins, Vincent Jackson, or Decker?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      Hold for now.

  5. Wilsonian says:
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    Just traded Moncrief for Cooks. Should I be arrested or was that fair?

    0.5 PPR – 3 point bonus at 85 yards receiving/100 yards rushing – 6 point bonus at 135 yards receiving/150 yards rushing

      • Wilsonian says:
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        @Jay: a Colts fan offered me Cooks for him. I couldn’t click accept fast enough.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Wilsonian: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. There is a law against this sort of thing I think.

          • Wilsonian says:
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            @Jay: dude I’m shocked too. Just wanted to see if I should let the cops in when they show or make them get a search warrant.

            • Jay

              Jay says:
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              @Wilsonian: Enjoy it my friend.

              • Wilsonian says:
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                @Jay: he looks mighty sexy next to Julio and Evans as my WR3…

                • Jay

                  Jay says:
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                  @Wilsonian: Now you’re just rubbing it in!

                • goodfold2 says:
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                  @Wilsonian: if this was dynasty this would be one of those times if i was one of the other 10 owners i’d think about quitting that league. i just saw a
                  mccoy +d.bailey +10th round pick (no value with 10th round pick)
                  for
                  d.freeman + t.branch (S) + parkey (owner getting parkey is PHI and needs so many PHI players) + 6th round pick (has no value)
                  and then guy who gave away mccoy drops branch 2 hours after trade. So this owner is either a mark or colluding, he likely was tricked into thinking d.freeman was somehow certainly a starter is my guess.

                  • Jay

                    Jay says:
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                    @goodfold2: Yeah, the 20 touches by Tevin Coleman and 10 by Freeman certainly supports his argument!

  6. Nick says:
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    Hey jay, tight week 1, comes down to my AP v his Wallace. Anyways, do u like L green over D Alan or V Davis (prior to seeing him week 1)? I had mentioned on ur prior post i want to replace my backup O Daniels, and lot of options in 10 team

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Nick: Yeah, I like Green over both right now. He looked solid. And good luck! I think AP gives you the edge.

  7. Barker says:
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    12 team ppr league

    Qb rodgers wr calvin davante adams rb ingram cunningham te bennett w/r/t charles johnson
    Bn joique wheaton spiller m floyd stevie johnson r bush

    Use # 2 waiver on any of these dropping benny or reggie or m floyd

    Wr harvin moncrief krearse lockett v cruz dorsett montgomery
    Rb d johnson c johnson dunbar lewis k robinson
    Te reed green

    Rb is obvious weakness so go after david johnson or cj2k and i could probably use moncrief as well

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Barker: I’d go Bush for Dion Lewis. Floyd for Moncrief is fine too.

  8. Adam says:
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    Terrence Williams or Eifert on waiver pickup?
    Brandon Coleman and Percy Harvin also on waivers?
    Standard league
    I have Rudolph at TE

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Adam: Williams.

  9. Dom B says:
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    I got a guy I’m my league to accept Eli Manning and Legartte Blount for Andrew Luck and Legartte Blount is my rb 4

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