Everyone have their Philadelphia-patented projectiles ready? Good. Let’s go. Let me just establish right off the bat, I did this. I’m the one who asked for derp. And the derp Gods did not disappoint in the slightest. In fact, the only competent thing about last night’s game was the premier of the newest Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer, (which you can watch after the jump if you missed it, I’ve already watching it like 98 times… in the past hour). To make an apt Grudenism: “THIS GAME, I CALL IT “EPISODE I”, BECAUSE WE’RE HERE FOR STAR WARS, BUT WE’RE SEEING A SH*T-SHOW INSTEAD.” Honestly, if you watched this game, you wonder if Tom Coughlin might be the one to retire before either Manning. And I include Eli, because it might have been a possibility during half time. There were three fumbles, three interceptions, penalties galore, an injured middle-linebacker… and that was just the Eagles! So here’s a very technical football question for everyone: how did they win? Remember, we’re talking about the hurry up three-and-out offense that the Raiders perfected, and that Chip Kelly added his own uniqueness to this season, that was in full force last night… It’s almost as if the teams were playing each other knowing that the winner would win an all expense paid trip to Somalia. So here we are. The Giants beat Washington. Washington beat the Eagles. And the Eagles have now beaten the Giants. The circle of… derp? Yeah, I think so.
Note: I’d like to congratulate the winner of the FanDuel Razzball Contest that ended last night. “ksmily06” was the winner of our 55-player league, and comes away with $60.00 and a free buy-in the upcoming week’s million dollar contest (a $25.00 value)! All top-12 finishers ended up part of the prize pool, and don’t worry, if you missed out on this contest, you can join in the next contest starting this Thursday!
Miles Austin – 3 REC, 60 YDS. MILES AUSTIN! CANCEL THE SEARCH EVERYONE!
Odell Beckham Jr.– 7 REC, 61 YDS, 1 TD. Well that’s something, I guess. Probably the only bright spot for the Giants last night… I mean, I’ve never been so discouraged after a 20-point loss. Which makes me wonder how Giants’ fans feel.
Sam Bradford – 24/38, 280 YDS, 1 TD, 3 INT and 4 CAR, 2 YDS. “Oh yeah Eli? Whatever you do I can do better!” – Sam Bradford. And by the way, I noticed a couple “cramps” occur with some Giants defensive players and boos coming from the crowd. Memo to dumb Eagles’ fans: Nobody needs to employ any shady tactics to slow the Eagles offense down. Bradford does that well enough.
Riley Cooper – 3 REC, 76 YDS, 1 TD. Riley Cooper might not like the new Star Wars movie. Usually, when someone takes off a white hat while wearing a white outfit, they don’t look like this. Regardless, he had a pretty productive night considering that he’s been non-existent for nearly a year. He did come down hard on a catch in the third quarter, but Cooper was able to walk off the field under his own white power.
Zach Ertz – 4 REC, 43 YDS. Somebody needed four points from Ertz, there you go.
Eli Manning – 23/37, 200 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, 12 YDS. THIS ELI MANNING, I CALL HIM “COCA COLA”, BECAUSE I ENJOY THE CLASSIC BETTER THAN NEW. You know, just looking at him, I assume that Eli has to wear a helmet all the time. Like in the locker room, they probably make him wear his “outdoors” helmet along with that demeaning child-leash attached to a parental unit, just to make sure he doesn’t get his head stuck in storm drains or pickle jars. So when you think of it that way, you begin to understand why he played so poorly last night. I mean, that game was way past his bedtime.