It was an eventful Wednesday last week to say the least. A man found a 1938 comic book inside the walls of his house, a jailed Pussy Riot member is currently on hunger strike and Paris Hilton signed with Lil’ Wayne’s recording company and plans on dropping a new album in the near future…hey I said it was eventful, I didn’t say it was all important. Of course the real news is that the San Francisco 49ers have lost Michael Crabtree for the foreseeable future to a torn right achilles tendon, for which he had surgery Thursday. To quote Harbaugh on this shituation ‘we do not anticipate it will season-ending for Michael’. Of course, that means we shouldn’t expect Crabtree to be ‘season-beginning’ anything either. Instant fantasy analysis: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s see what this all entails for this 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Firstly and foremostly and goes without sayingly, don’t draft Crabtree unless you’re in the deepest of leagues. If he’s lucky, he’s back when and if the 49ers make the playoffs. He will have zero effect on your fantasy football season personally. Impersonally, his absence is going to be huge for Colin Kaepernick. Crabtree lead his team in both receptions and yards last year but that doesn’t fully explain the impact. In 10 starts including the playoffs, Kaep targeted Crabtree 94 times. To put that in perspective, that would’ve been a prorated 150 targets on the year and would’ve been the 8th most in the NFL among wideouts in 2012. Crabtree was on his way to having a big year in 2013 and was looking like a top 10 wide out in PPR leagues. But now with a bum wheel, we’re left to ponder what we’re going to get from Kaep and company. Target-wise, it would make sense that Vernon Davis – the second most targeted player by Kaep last year – garners a bigger role in 2013. But he’s not gonna be able to take the entirety of those targets and no doubt the remainder is going to be distributed until Kaep finds the hot hand he likes dealing to. Could it be A.J. Jenkins? Maybe. Could it be rookie wideout Quinton Patton? It’s conceivable. Could it be Anquan Boldin? Unlikely but can’t be ruled out. Could it be Randy Moss? Bahahahaha…even if it is, do you really want to draft him after last year? Rhetorical, the key I’m trying to get at is any wide receiver that becomes the man in SF could have an impact but we’re too far from the start of the season to nail down just who that would be. I’ll be like a cyclops with a monocle on this one over the remainder of the off-season with hopes and dreams I can tell you all you need on the subject. Oh and speaking of Kaep, I currently have him as the 9th ranked QB in my current Quarterback Rankings and I’m not moving him. I think his legs still provide enough value that he’ll be worth that pick but if you’re worried, looking at the 3 behind him would be the wise play. But that was that and now we’re onto this. Let’s look at more news from around the league for the upcoming 2013 fantasy football season…
Brian Urlacher – Retired amidst the Crabtree carnage. I have nothing but love and respect for this man for both his play and him bumping uglies with my teenage fap dream, Jenny McCarthy. I watched Singled Out on mute. I have no shame.
Rob Gronkowski – Came out of his 4th surgery with no further signs of infection and it was considered a success. No word on whether they removed his party bone while they were at it. I think it’s behind your sacrum coccyx. Yes that’s a real word, no you don’t actually have a party bone and no I’m not this smart. Thanks WebMD! I still don’t trust Gronk to play a full season in 2013 but he’ll still finish as a top 3 tight end.
Geno Smith – The NFLPA is investigating Geno’s signing with Jay-Z’s sports management firm – Roc Nation – and whether or not the recruitment process was done correctly. Geno already had 99 problems coming into the season. Don’t make Jay-Z one.
E.J. Manuel – Said that the Bills playbook was much easier than the Seminoles playbook back in Florida. Something tells me there’s some rookie hazing going on here. Hey guys, which coach is ‘Maurice Sendak’ and why does my playbook have a cover a little boy with a bowl of soup?
