Who Are These Guys?, Week 5: Kissing Cousins

Apparently there is some discrepancy as to what exactly a “kissing cousin” is. Am I even allowed to end a sentence with the word “is”? [Jay’s Note: Sure are!] Either way, I just did. It is what it is. Like many, I have always thought a kissing cousin was a second, or more distant, cousin in which that law allows you to bed. Contrary definitions say it is any person close enough to kiss hello upon greeting. The law dictates that one cannot marry a first cousin. Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins. Jerry Lee Lewis did too, and she was only 13 years old at the time. I’m not even going to begin to attempt to recount the number of violations to this and other related rules in The Game of Thrones. Speaking of GOT, when is that coming back? The Leftovers season two just started and I’m not really sure how to react to the first episode. Anyone else? So what band of idiots can I put together from Week 4 that would have unexpectedly gone from geek to chic and crushed any team in its path.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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2015 Rest of Season Rankings

by: Jay

Period	Accuracy	Rank	High	Low	Percentile
2015	56.4%	23 out of 132	59.4%	48.3%	Top 20%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

A lot has changed in a month, oh, hold on… I’m sorry, just one second here, let me take off my captain’s hat. It takes so long to remove because of how big it is. I think it’s probably since the word “obvious” is in, like, size 840 font. As I was saying, it feels like years (DECADES EVEN!) since we’ve gone back and updated the preseason rankings. And there’s a reason for that. I’m just not a huge movement guy early in the season, probably because of the profound lack of fiber in my diet. I hesitate making reactionary moves, and I’d rather see how things play out in a majority of scenarios in Fantasy Football. Much like Fantasy Baseball, I want to see how things stew a bit before making wholesale changes, and to be honest, I would love you to do the same. Now, unlike baseball, waiting 20 games or so for trends to emerge wouldn’t work here, as you’d be making roster changes around Super Bowl time… just a little bit tardy there. Just a little. But taking the beginning of the season in a 4-game increment can be beneficial for your mind, body, soul, and probably loins. There’s science to back this up, I swear.

Here are Razzball’s Rest of Season Rankings for 2015:

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Through the Wire, Week 5: Cousins and Juniors

October 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Waiver Wire | 106 Comments

by: Geoff

I’d like to begin this week’s post with a big shout out to the homie Dolphins owner Stephen Ross. Good looks on firing Philbin my man, hopefully the next coach you hire can actually use Lamar Miller. Particularly in 1st-and-goal scenarios, but I know, I’m nitpicking. Now that the hey “how’s your fathers”, and the “did you get that lump looked at” are out of the way, we can move onto talking waiver wire adds and the guys Yahoo and ESPN will tell you to pickup in two weeks. So how was everybody’s Week 4? Mine was good, I want 11-2 across my baker’s dozen of teams. Am I bragging? Maybe a little, but then again this is the first winning week I’ve had all year. Meaning I have three teams above .500. Yes, I’m the guy you go to for waiver wire news, not because I know what the hell I’m doing, but because my teams are so wretched, that I’m constantly shopping on the wire to fill my band of beleaguered flunkies. In other words, I’m not only Razzball’s resident waiver wire President, I’m also a client! Here are your adds for Week 5 of fantasy football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Benchwarmers, Week 5: Randling All These Injuries

October 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 13 Comments

by: Doug

So like my team (the best team in the league of course) the Patriots had their bye on Week 4, so did I. But now I’m back, and all of you who were lost without my words of wisdom are saved. As the season is ¼ over, we are starting to see injuries, starters struggling, and backups thriving. This changes the tide of who is worth owning and who is worth dropping. As always, I’m here to lead you in the right direction. And the first player I’m going to talk about is someone I never thought I’d mention worth owning since like 2010…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull: Pocket Rocket

October 6, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 28 Comments

by: Son

What is a pocket rocket?

A miniature motorcycle meant for racing?
A pair of aces in poker?
A small vibrating dildo?

If you answered #3, you have a dirty mind and should head over to Tehol Beddict’s page. [Jay’s Note: The writer the world needs, not the writer the world deserves.] For the sake of this article, a pocket rocket is a miniature motorcycle meant for racing. It is small, light, agile and fast. Kind of like a certain NFL player on the St. Louis Rams, who’s nickname happens to be Pocket Rocket…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Supreme Chancellor

October 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 68 Comments

by: Jay

This game was like my sex life in that I missed half of it, had no idea what was going on, and didn’t particularly care about either of the parties involved… Until the ending. In what was your run-of-the-mill Monday Night Football affair until the last few minutes of regulation, I guess I should have known better in a game featuring the Lions that something profound and utterly incomprehensible was going to happen. And boy did they deliver. After capitalizing on a corner blitz which forced a Russell Wilson fumble and a fatman touchdown, the Lions drove all the way in Seattle territory down 13-10 with minutes left to go. It had all the makings of a late Seahawks collapse… and then Megaderp happened (shown above). Catching the ball and trying to forcing his way into endzone, Kam Chancellor knocked the ball out of Calvin Johnson’s hand, which was immediately batted out of bounds for a touchback by Seattle’s K.J. Wright. And thus it was… Seattle’s season has rebounded a bit and the Lions are now on pace to be the usual Lions we know and love. Can they once again achieve the feat of 0-16? Only time and lots of alcohol can tell…

#NFL tells ESPN Lions should have been given the ball goal to go in Seattle. Back judge makes wrong call in same end zone as #FAILMARY. Wow.

— Mike Clemens (@MikeClemensNFL) October 6, 2015

Oh Lions…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Monday Night Football, Week 4: Lions vs. Seahawks

October 5, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 22 Comments

by: Jay

A last minute intake of Skittles wasn’t enough to fix Marshawn Lynch’s hamstring this past weekend, so the Seahawks will be hosting the Lions for Monday Night Football without their star running back. But that’s okay, because they have this thing called Jimmy Graham, who, if you didn’t know, used to play basketball. They also have a Kam Chancellor back, his second game now, who is a prominant part of the infamous “Legion of Boom”, which… has lost a little bit of the boom lately, but none of their boom-mouth or boom-swagger. But at least Richard Sherman has found other hobbies, like buying pizza with his phone. Hey, some people need goals to motivate them, so I hope that biting a piece of pizza will help him not bite on double-moves so often. They also have a thing called Thomas Rawls, who rushed for 104 yards agains the Bears in Week 3. To be fair though, I could probably rush 100+ yards against the Bears. But with the Lions at a dangerous precipice at 0-3, they find themselves in a desperate situation with the possibility of falling four games behind the 4-0 Packers. To be fair though, that seems like familiar territory for the Lions… Oh, and as a former resident of over eight years in the fine city of Seattle, please, don’t come out of this game thinking the only two things we have in the city is the Space Needle and people throwing fish. DON’T BELIEVE THEIR LIES.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can Romonobyl Happen if Romo Isn’t in the Game?

October 5, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 81 Comments

by: Jay

In what was a interesting-because-it-was-close-but-sorta-kinda-boring-anyways Sunday Night Football game, Dallas once again proved that they are two different teams depending on which half it is. It’s almost as if they are preserving the long-held tradition of Romonobyl. An homage, if you will. While the Saints are hanging on to dear life and Brees’ busted shoulder with an 1-3 record, they’d be hard pressed to catch up with the surging Falcons and Panthers as the season progresses. I’m actually still bewildered by the fact that NFC South teams are actually capable of surging. That being said, the Cowboys find themselves in the untenable position of having everything needed to dominate a weak NFC East, but having those things injured for more than half the season (including Lance Dunbar tearing his ACL last night). The Giants were gifted a win against Buffalo, who had 17 penalties, and the Eagles were beaten unresoundingly by Washington. These teams are not good at all, and hilariously any one of them can take the division. But like the Cowboys, none of them seem to want it. Almost like some kind of derpy game of hot potato. Now that I think about it, this is actually peak NFC East. Carry on…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 4:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 4: Cowboys vs. Saints

October 4, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 7 Comments

by: Jay

Welcome to another Sunday Night Football game, this time featuring the Dallas Cowboys versus the Denver Broncos. Wait, what’s that you say? The Broncos aren’t playing? Oh, my bad. Must be a bad habit I developed with every primetime game featuring the Broncos. Regardless, a special shoutout should go to Drew Brees for making this not a game of Brandon Weeden going against Luke McCown. If the Blake Bortles and Matt Hasselback game earlier today was any king of indication, I probably would have been seduced by the sweet escape of seppuku by half-time. Sure, Brandon Weeden is still part of the equation, but it could have been so much worse. So much. And Brees return couldn’t come back any sooner, with the Saints already 0-3 and Atlanta (and Carolina) winning earlier in the day almost guarantees that there won’t be sub-.500 playoff team to allow their mediocrity and slow start to be bailed out. I say “almost” because this is the NFC South and I wouldn’t actually be surprised if the Falcons finished first in the division going 4-12. On the flipside, the Cowboys are trying to hold on until Dez Bryant and Tony Romo return, by Week 7 and Week 11, respectively, if things go right. However, based on how their season has gone thus far, I’d add about 15 more weeks to those projections…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Late Games Live Thread, Week 4

October 4, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 24 Comments

by: Jay

In a match-up that has featured some really good games, both during the regular season and the playoffs, today’s game will try it’s hardest to destroy those fond memories as a momentum-riddled Packers team will go against a 49ers team that’s struggling not to be the new Browns. While I would normally say they have no chance at this enormous feat, you know, because the old Browns are still doing their darnedest to be the new Browns, the Colin Kaepernick-led 49ers are trying to find new depths in which to bury themselves in. They’ve given up over 40-points two straight weeks, resembling something I’d see while playing NFL Blitz. While the Packers are suffering a bit from the injuries to Davante Adams, and to a lesser extent, Eddie Lacy, the resurgence of James Jones has helped baffle everyone on how he was able to go from ridiculously bad to ridiculously good, (but sometimes bad) so fast. What I’m basically saying is, Aaron Rodgers is good at football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Early Games Live Thread, Week 4

October 4, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 90 Comments

by: Jay

I had always thought that spreading the sport of football to Great Britain was seemingly a waste of time. Finally, I can say that the NFL agrees with me. By sending the Jets and Dolphins to London it almost assuredly guarantees that the NFL will spread like frozen butter. Yes, that’s the best I could come up with. On top of having to wake up earlier than normal to start watching football (first world problems), we also have our first bye week to contend with, losing such powerhouse franchises like the Patriots and, uh… the Titans (THEY ARE THE BESTEST FRANCHISE EVER) this weekend. However, there are still some intriguing Early Game match-ups, including the Giants vs. Bills, and Derpfest 2015: Eagles vs. Washington. There’s also a Raiders vs. Bears game, just in case you needed more “stabbing your eyes with the nearest sharp object” in your life. So what I’m basically saying is, my alcohol consumption will be beginning at 9:30 A.M. EDT today. Thanks NFL!

Rankings have been updated for today’s game and you can find them here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Streamers, Week 4: This Carr Passes Inspection

October 3, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 2 Comments

by: waterloo

So, my friend from college sent me a photo today of a T-shirt. Now, I don’t know if it’s because he saw my lineup fail miserably in FanDuel, if he read my column last week, or if he just knows that I love anything fantasy related. The shirt read as follows: “The process was correct, F*ck you, Nick Foles.” Co-sign, T-shirt maker. The last comment I got on my streamers column last week was, “Want to get away? SMH.” Yes, kind sir, I was shaking my head too, because while the calls were correct (remember, this IS a streamers column, meaning they are far from a sure thing), the advice didn’t work out. Ryan Fitzpatrick, meh. Nick Foles? No thanks, bro.

So I don’t need to get away, but I will get back to business this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?