As I mentioned last week, it won’t be until after week 4 that The Stats Machine (TSM) begins including opposing defenses into its algorithm. It needs about four weeks of defensive statistics before they are really useful. So in the meantime, just bare with us as we still believe our data science is attention worthy. However, as a commenter pointed out last week, without defensive adjustments the results kinda feel like something we could get from Captain Obvious. I see his point, at least to some extent, and have decided to add a section listing the top ten players, according to TSM, at each position.
Please, blog, may I have some more?It’s going to get harder and harder to stream quarterbacks starting this week, as the injury plague is officially upon us. Here’s hoping that Drew Brees is actually okay, so there’s one less owner looking for a quarterback play this week. Last week, we did well, at least with quarterbacks and tight ends (Alright, Vernon Davis wasn’t that great). Let’s get to it for streamers for Week 3 of the fantasy season…
Please, blog, may I have some more?I was promised derp, and boy did we get some derp. Sure, it took an insufferable amount of time to receive said derp (three-and-a-half quarters), along with sitting through an equally insufferable fourth quarter that lasted about 32 hours longer than it should have, but when that derp came… I mean, there was just no way to predict that Matt Jones would fumble there (shown above), but I think we all saw it coming in our hearts. And folks, it was everything I knew Washington derp would be. “District derp”, if you will. Which, coicidentally, will be the name of my new band. It’ll be a cross of Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. In a game that will further put the NFC East in flux, Washington came into Thursday Night Football as the favorites to win the division if they only existed and didn’t somehow die of dysentery. Hey, it happened all the time in Oregon Trail, which, if I remember correctly, was based on a true story. But alas, the Giants showed some competency (don’t hold your breath) and Washington returned to their roots. But with Dallas still pitting all their hopes on Brandon Weeden (now with more Matt Cassel back-up power!), and the Eagles struggling to muster two yards of total offense, the division remains up for grabs. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the 49ers somehow ended up taking division title from all of them…
New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
Please, blog, may I have some more?As has been a reoccurring theme this season (and all of last year if you were hanging out with us), the NFC East is known for the derp and nothing but the derp. Call it the cornucopia of derp, if you will. And you should, because Thanksgiving is just a mere few months away. Which is close enough for me, because turkey. And while the Cowboys and Eagles always offer their own unique brand of derp, Washington and the New York “Football” (HUR DUR) Giants were born in it. Molded by it. Watching these two teams is always an existential exploration of mascochism for their fans, and when you combine two such forces of derp, it’s almost like going on a life-fulfilling camping trip. The air is so fresh, the scenery is so majestic. The catharsis of it all… and then you get lyme disease. It’s like the Greek myth of Icarus and Daedalus, but in this case, Icarus is the derp, we are Daedalus, and these two teams are the sun. Ya know, maybe I should have just stuck to writing about turkey…
Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Time for RotoLance to rise, and give useful information about players trying to rise and grind through injuries, and grind. Last week, Dez Bryant owners took a big hit and C.J. Anderson owners had a Thursday Night Football decision to make. This week we’ve got much more of the latter situation, players with injuries that may or may not keep them out a game, or two at the most. But the worst part is we don’t know how these ailments will affect the players’ performances. And if the player has a bad performance, we can blame it on the injury without necessarily having a good idea if it really was the injury or just the fact that the player isn’t going to be very good this year. Injury is just another variable making it difficult to know which players are going to fail to meet expectations through the course of the year and which have just had a couple bad weeks in Fantasy Football.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Well, I’m confused. This past weekend’s outcome were just weird. Some trash won, other garbage teams looked average; I don’t know what to make of this anymore. Everyone to 8-8! Well c’mon Max you dumb mofo, tell me something that’s not making me dumber. Well okay, okay, I shall drop some knowledge on you: The AFC East and NFC West look like the best divisions, by a long margin, in the NFL this year. The AFC South and NFC EAST look like my cat’s turds. Who goes into the weekend wanting to see a Blake Bortles vs. Ryan Mallet game? Maybe a Kirk Cousins vs. Sam Bradford match-up interests you? The only team that looks like they can be really dominant this year are the Cardinals. The Bills are resembling Jekyll and Hyde, while the Broncos look hella confused about their identity. This is the weirdest season I’ve been a part of in my lifetime.
Please, blog, may I have some more?| Period | Rank | Overall | High | Low | Percentile |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Week 2 | 69.50% | 1 out of 20 | 69.50% | 47.80% | Top 5% |
| Week 1 | 62.7% | 8 out of 20 | 72.6% | 42.7% | Top 40% |
| 2015 | 66.1% | 2 out of 19 | 66.7% | 50.3% | Top 5% |
| 2014 | 57.0% | 3 out of 20 | 58.4% | 48.1% | Top 15% |
Recycling nicknames can be a tricky endeavor. No matter how great the modern player is, people will always complain that a certain nickname is untouchable. Regardless of what 40-year old Giants fans say, LaDainian Tomlinson will always be known by LT to the majority of fans, and regardless of what die hard Wu-Tang fans say, Odell Beckham will probably go down as ODB. I bring this up because while watching Monday Night Football this week, I couldn’t help but call Colts rookie Henry Anderson by the nickname that will always belong to the immortal Henry Aaron. Now I’m not saying it’s going to stick, but given that it’s both cross-sports and cross-racial, I’m hoping that Hammerin’ Hank catches on with at least the Razzball IDP crowd, because this kid looks like he’s for real. In his first two games as an interior DL, Anderson has put up 14 tackles and a sack. The Colts aren’t exactly known for cranking out IDP options at DL, and Anderson was ranked highly by Pro Football Focus heading into the draft, so there is reason to be excited here. If Anderson is still available this week, I’d make a move on him as a DL3 with upside. Here are some other names to take a look it (for better or for worse) heading into Week 3:
Please, blog, may I have some more?| Period | Rank | Overall | High | Low | Percentile |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Week 2 | 53.4% | 85 out of 135 | 65.2% | 46.2% | Top 65% |
| Week 1 | 56.8% | 54 out of 137 | 62.8% | 46.3% | Top 40% |
| 2015 | 55.1% | 70 out of 133 | 60.8% | 47.8% | Top 55% |
| 2014 | 58.1% | 31 out of 125 | 60.7% | 50.6% | Top 25% |
Obviously, we’re not doing as well as we were last season around the same time period. The real question is, why am I using the royal “we”? On both counts, you can color me confused. Because I’m a book. It’s a coloring book joke people. Anyhow, to the point… I want to state that, personally, these first two weeks of accuracy results have me befuddled. Befuddled I tell ya! And I say this as a ranker who, unlike last year, has not ranked Ryan Mathews anywhere near the top-5… so I have that going for me. I realize that the entire process can sometimes be, well, to put it bluntly, a mystery. It’s true that this year I’ve taken certain liberties, some would call it “risks”, in terms of rankings. Last season, we finished in the top-25 percentile among all of our peers, and we were probably one of the most consistent week-to-week rankers out there. But consistency doesn’t necessarily get you to the top. And what can I say? I wanted a chance to hit those high notes. Terrible music metaphors aside, after implementing a process that I thought to be more beneficial to the readers (and the site itself), I’ll now be dialing back my strategy a bit. Don’t get me wrong, two weeks is a small sample size, but as I said earlier, you are coming here for the jokes AND a little bit of help. All of us in this business of Fantasy Football advice are here to help, and we feel sh*tty when we’re aren’t helping. And if we don’t feel sh*tty, it’s time to get out of the business all together. I don’t pretend to be a savant at this stuff, but I work hard on this craft because this community deserves it. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. You guys made that happen…
This week’s rankings, I’ll be returning to the process I used last year, which I can essentially describe with this phrase: better to be safe than sorry. You’ll notice there will be less “gut” calls, floor guys will be ranked higher, and riskier match-ups will be frowned upon. And let’s see how our accuracy responds this time next week. At the very least, I want to be as open as I can, which is why I always share my results at the forefront and consider myself accountable when my own results don’t match my expectations. So I’m basically my own mother, I guess. All things considered though, I’d rather be with your mother…
New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
Please, blog, may I have some more?You almost had me? You never had me – you never had your car… Granny shiftin’ not double clutchin’ like you should. You’re lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn’t blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me? Back in 1999, I bought a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. I had wanted one of these cars for a while because I knew they had potential to be very fast with just a few minor modifications. I didn’t know much about cars back then, but I was determined to learn. Over the course of the next two or three years, I gradually upgraded my DSM. During that time, I made a handful of great friends that helped me with the bigger projects that were beyond my scope of skills. I was able to up-install an Injen intake, upper intercooler pipe, turbo timer, boost controller, and even an A’PEXi Super AFC. But when it came to swapping out the stock T25 turbo with a 16G, or the wimpy side mounted intercooler with a GReddy front mounted intercooler, I had to rely on the expertise of GSXtreme (aka JM Fabrications). He had a GSX too. I was a pretty red color and it was fast. Real fast. There was something extremely rewarding (and fun) about putting time and effort into my car and then taking it to the quarter-mile track to evaluate the upgrades. Eventually I was able to drive that 2.0-liter DOHC 4-cylinder engine, 4-speed automatic transmission, all wheel drive car to a sub 13-second quarter mile (12.95). But the most satisfying reward was the ability to embarrass Mustangs on a routine basis. I lived in the Trenton, NJ area at the time, and on Sunday nights everyone would meet in the Best Buy parking lot on Route 1, just north of Philly. We’d admire each others’ rides, bullsh*t for a while, and then head to the side streets and race. It was fast and the furious before The Fast and The Furious was fast or furious. Fast forward fifteen years and I still have that car. With just 80,000 miles, it sits in my garage and is never driven, but I still have it. I should probably sell it, and would if I got a fair offer, but I am just not motivated to let it go.
Please, blog, may I have some more?To the dismay of everyone reading, this I will not be talking about weird things or books about how everyone poops. Protip: Everyone does though. This week’s spotlight will be on the guy who I think isn’t getting the love because he is overshadowed on his own team by a return-league and PPR darling… this guy is Rishard Matthews. He isn’t the primary receiving option on the Dolphins, that label is for Jarvis Landry, but Rishard don’t care. He does what he wants, spells it anyway he damn well chooses, and goes about being a target monster for an offense that is finding it harder by foot and better by air. Call Paul Revere, the Dolphins are one if by air and two if by air. So find your favorite seat for three to four minutes, drop a comment to yell at me for absolutely sucking the last two weeks, and listen to what I am going to spit at you about the secondary receiving option in the land where swimming mammals reside.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Week 2 is in the books. After a week filled with injuries (don’t matter in DFS), dramatic finishes, and 108-yard kickoff return touchdowns, it is time to review last week. Both Johnny Manziel and Jameis Winston both got their first ever victory. And I told Shannon that she doesn’t understand how good of a partner I am, and yes, I am taking the dogs and the truck, and I will go to New York, for broadway, where I shall become a star. We all won last week. And hey, the Patriots won. Oh, and the Badgers manhandled Troy. But you already knew that…
New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
Please, blog, may I have some more?Greetings! I’ve just now pulled myself out of the filthy pit of wretchedness that losses from MY Seattle Seahawks and MY Buffalo Bills placed me in. Well, them and the mass quantities of drugs and alcohol partnered with 12,000 calories of ribs, cupcakes, and peach cobbler I made for myself and all my guests on Sunday. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s a binger. Anyways, speaking of wretched pits of despair, I’m curious to know how Philadelphia Eagles fans are feeling at this moment in time. Prized free agent running back DeMarco Murray has been useless thanks to an offensive line being treated like Donald Trump, if he were to show his face at a “Mexican Lives Matter” rally. Sam Bradford resembles a teenage girl in shoulder pads and I feel like it’s just a matter of time before he goes down like a Kardashian at a Grammy’s after-party. And big-money free agent Byron Maxwell has been toasted so many times thus far, I believe he’d need to hold the opposition catchless for the remainder of the season in order to receive a positive grade from all the professional scouts out there. Chip Kelly is still looking for “his precious”, a quarterback that can flourish in his system (preferably an agile one), and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to discover it anytime soon being that they’re going up against Darrelle Revis and that vastly improved Jets secondary in Week 3. Maybe some wizard-protected Hobbit is boguarding the secret treasure that Kelly has seemingly lost in 2015, but unless he’s able to see invisible beings, he just may be out of luck. Maybe a couple extra kale smoothies will fix everything, but this has the look of a total dumpster fire. FIRE EVERYONE!
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more?


