Sky

The T-Rich Get Richer

October 9, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 240 Comments

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The course of true love never did run smooth. Some famous person said that. I can’t remember who. Yes, I have google but I also have a time limit as I’m trying to get ready for work, take a shower – did you just picture me naked? – drink my coffee, feed the dog…well, you get the picture. I got shizz going on but I do my best to keep you abreast….hehe, abreast…of what’s going on in the fantasy world while keeping you cultured. It’s a tough task. You’re not the easiest of pupil and you know that. But I digress, as stated, it truly does never run smoothly. Speaking of not running smoothly, that pretty much defines Trent Richardson and his owner’s seasons to date, no doubt. Starting off the season as the main bell cow for a so-so offense, T-Rich didn’t really do much with his time there, averaging 3.4 ypc netting zero touchdowns. Then when he got traded to a better offense, the people rejoiced only to see his underlying stats actually get worse (3.0 ypc and only 1 reception in 3 games). To say it’s been difficult being a Trent owner would be an understatement while saying ‘Fruit Of the Looms’ would be an underpants statement. There’s no point in there, stop looking in my underpants. The point being is that, for all his warts so far, Trent should begin trending upward and the Chargers game will and should be his break out. So check in with his owners and see if they’re willing to move on from him at this point. Though I don’t predict he’ll be the top 5 RB I saw him to be entering the season, I still see a top 10 in there based on the offense alone and I’m sure they’ll work him into the passing game a bit more as the season wears on. In other buy/sell ideas for week 6 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Jam it or Cram it: The Drunk and the Desperate Edition

October 8, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 106 Comments

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It was a thrilling, exciting, pant-tenting, almost sublime 30 hours of Fantasy Football binge watching. I need an afterglow cigarette. Following Sunday nights/Monday morning Raiders/Chargers late night tryst, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing only my Ken Stabler throwback trying to piece together what exactly went down and where I left my pants. I seem to remember having visions of Al Davis shaking hands with Hitler in Hell as he bragged about drafting Terrelle Pryor and I have a hazy recollection of Tony Romo throwing for 500 yards, pooping his tighty whities and blowing up the twitterverse. Before the blackout, I remember Tom Brady and Colin Kaepernick combining for less points than Ryan Tannehill and it may have been the Red Bull/Jager combo, but was there a David Wilson touchdown? These things happened, right? As the head begins to clear, it is time to examine our fake football rosters, take a long look in the mirror and face the cold hard facts – your team sucks and I have a drinking problem. Call it a fantasy intervention of sorts, but it is time to pull yourself up off of the cool bathroom tiles, dig deep into the waiver wire bargain bin and turn this season around or you’re going to find yourself bunking with Stephen Adler on Celebrity Rehab. It’s time to jam it or cram it. Anyone have some Advil, I gotta call my sponsor.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

RCL Football Update: Week 5

October 8, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Commenter Leagues, Razzball Writers League | 34 Comments

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2013 RCL FootballAnother big week of RCL action wrapped up in week 5, with the ranks of the undefeated dwindling down yet again.  Looking at you – me!  Woo – let’s go Writer’s Team! Be sure to check out the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.

RCL Top ScorerTOP SCORER: Congratulations to team Makka Pakka from the Monday Morning QB’s league, who was the only RCL team to top 200 points this week!  Is Makka Pakka a Simpsons reference based on your team picture?  With a fantasy explosion of goodness from Peyton, Dez, Nicks and Blackmon, it was the Monday Night breakout from Jacquizz that vaulted Makka Pakka into the RCL spotlight with 208.56 points.  Despite the win, Pakka is still in third place with a 3-2 record, as those beloved kitchen stinks still hold onto the top spot even after getting the wrong side of that Pakka outburst.  Great work again Pakka and enjoy your time in the RCL Sun!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

The Human Geno Project

October 8, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 284 Comments

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As a Jets fan, I can only imagine the magic, turbulent carpet ride it’s been this year. Start the year 1-0 with a nail-biter against the Bucs, then turn around and lose a similarly close game to the Pats. Follow that up with what looked like maybe a statement game against the Bills only to get trounced by the Titans in week 4. Maybe New York is just gonna have to kick back and enjoy this roller coaster ride. Either way, Geno Smith will be the person getting you set up. Are you buckled in? Is the bar secure? Ok, go! Geno finished the night with 199 passing yards for 3 TDs, and a win to go with zero INTs. The interceptions have been the biggest bugaboo so far with Geno as he came into the night with 8 INT but tonight he looked very comfortable in the pocket and was able to make his quick reads and get the ball out fast. He still needs to work on his general pocket awareness but given the Falcons’ general defensive rush problems, he didn’t have to worry about that as much tonight. If we’re talking fantasy relevance with Geno, I think we’re either talking late season or for keeper/dynasty leagues because he’s still not on my pick up radar at this point but in terms of relying on him, he’s slowly gaining my fantasy stream trust. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

The Razzball Football Podcast – The One Where We Show Off Our Professionalism

October 7, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Podcast, Razzball Podcast | 33 Comments

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The Razzball Podcast is back!  It’s great to be back in the DraftKings studio after sitting out last week, but hey it was the Panthers bye so I took a bye too.  Although to be fair, the Panthers took another bye this week and I didn’t!  I’m the consummate professional!  Nick I and go over the NFC notes and what it means for your fantasy team, along with a DraftKings look-in and the RCL top scorer through Sunday.  JayWrong then dives into the AFC quick-hitters while Sky gives us the waiver-wire guys to nab.  Murph was going to call in the carnage report, but with that last shot of rum, he had to add himself to the report!  Good luck to everyone tonight if your game is hinging on Monday Night Football (looking at you Julio Jones) and good luck in week 5!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jay

Lightning Strikes The Black Hole With Hand Schaub’s All Around

October 7, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 61 Comments

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Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. Wait, what’s this? There’s another Football game after SNF to cover? At 11:30 PM EST? And it’s called Thursday Night Football? I don’t even… what? Well, despite watching football until three-in-the-morn, there was a wonderful aspect at work here. Actually, there was two. The first, we are doing a double-post special today to cover both SNF and TNF. Two-for-one is always a great deal. Especially on Pornhub. Secondly, there is ample opportunity for a lot of drinking. Like, six-straight hours worth, at epic binge-worthy proportions mind you, as watching my Chargers always requires sacrifices to whichever God’s love alcoholism. But don’t worry, Sunday usually involves a Trader Joe’s visit, and thusly, the copious purchase of cheap red’s. So, to ensure survival, in a kinda-sorta way, I decided to go with a wine/vodka combo for my viewing experience. Trust me, it tastes better than it reads. And even if it doesn’t, you’re way to blasted to care at the midway point.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Romo-te Control

October 7, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 152 Comments

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Well, we knew there’d be plenty of fantasy points scored in this Broncos vs Cowboys game. We had all those superstars. You know, Manning, Orange Julius, Welker, DT, Decker, Dez…hrm, it feels like I’m missing someone. Who could possibly still be left to talk about that’s fantasy relevant in a game like this? Answer: well, quite a few guys really but in reality very few people have talked about the under the radar performance of Tony Romo so far this year. It’s understandable. He’s not wowing anyone with his stats. In fact, he was being outscored by Alex Smith in QB scoring rankings for fantasy heading into Sunday. But then Romo done lost his mind. Tony threw for 506 total yards on the day, going 25/35 for 5 touchdowns and a 2 point conversion. Yes, yes, he threw a soul-crushing INT late in the game but you don’t lose more or less points based on how frustrating an INT is. Looking back where certain QBs went in your draft vs Romo, you have to ask yourself, ‘why did I spend all that on a QB when this was still out there?’. In reality, QB is a deep position so it’s hard to get too mad when days like this happen but the reality is Romo has been a consistent scorer for his owners most of this year and there’s no reason to think it can’t keep up. Ok, not 500 yards keep up but being startable most weeks keep up is still valid. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Last Second Decisions: The Week Where JB Reveals His True Identity

October 6, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Last Second Decisions | 148 Comments

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So I know you’re all wondering – what do these Razzball guys really do with their lives!?  Spoiler!  You already know if you read Basketball.  Oh well…

If you don’t read/play Fantasy Basketball – give it a chance!  Start up an RCL League!  If you haven’t played it much, it’s the perfect blend of Fantasy Football and Baseball.  “Wait – why is JB shamelessly pandering?!  I thought he was gonna tell us about his life fighting crime!”   Whilst I keep the rogue streets of North Cackalacky free from the seedy (pork)underbelly of crime, I have unfortunately shifted my sleep schedule.  I had to buy a blast shield for my windows.  It was like I was in the Peach Trees Mega Block when Judge Dredd came.  Fortunately Michael Caine IS NOT my butler and that scene from Batman Begins didn’t happen where Bale goes – “Bats are nocturnal!”  I woulda just slapped that foo’.  Long, disheveled and borderline lunatic rantings aside (those last couple of sentences could’ve been from a Tehol article… Never go full Tehol!) – my point is I’ll be getting to your LSDs closer to noon than right away.  It also means I’m writing this up on my Palm Pilot while staking out the mean streets of the Triangle on Saturday Night.  So if anything changes dramatically on Sunday Morning, I’ll get to it before kickoff!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
J-FOH

The Handcuff Report – “Woodhead? But we just met…..OK, I’m game”

October 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Handcuff Report | 136 Comments

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This might seem like an inappropriate proposition when our lead this week has only 19 carries for 90 yards on the year with zero rushing TD’s, but trust me, I’m writing this with the best of intentions. Danny Woodhead was the apple of Phillip River’s eye this past weekend with his 5 catches for 54 yards and 2 TD’s. “But Jack, those are his only two TD’s on the season?” That is correct diligent commenter, but please let me finish. On the year he is second on the Chargers with 22 receptions, has provided a different look in the backfield with his 4.7 YPC and looks like he uses “what’s up brah” as a greeting. If you are looking for a bye week flyer or a potential PPR flex then look no further than Woodhead. Am I the only one here giggling every time I say his name? Before I move on to the ranks I want to pay my final respects to the 2013 Fantasy Baseball Season. It was one hell of a ride for those of us in the RCL and to my frequent commenters, I say thank you for making the ride that much better. Now I can fully throw myself into football, my 2nd fantasy love, and say goodbye to my old friend fantasy baseball. I was recently comforted by frequent commenter Kid A when he said that fantasy football was his methadone for fantasy baseball. Now I can sit back and drink my nice warm cup of fantasy methadone and give my proper dues to this icon and this icon. Without these two, none of this would be possible and with that I want to encourage all the Fantasy Footballers to give baseball a shot. Razzball makes the game that some view as meh, if you follow the guys on CBS, fun and a really good ride. Now on to the ranks

Please, blog, may I have some more?
LT Murray IV

Hard Targets: Beddict Channels Miley Cyrus and Lays Down Some Bangerz

October 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 39 Comments

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Greetings! Tis I, Beddict, and I’m gonna drop some serious Bangerz on you today. Sky stole my breaking bad idea, so I suppose my version will have to drop on TeholBeddict.com. Drop by if you want to witness some hot solo jerk sessions and some life changing mankini shots. Back to Sky: I mean the guy is on season 4 for the God’s sake, and he has the balls to drop a breaking bad special on that ass and ask for no spoilers? Ok, think Tehol, think! Is there anything in this incredible universe more fascinating than the greatness that was Breaking Bad? After pulling my hair out and choking the chicken a couple times, it hit me! MILEY. Is it the Salvia smoking, the charmingly boyish haircut, the boner inducing twerking, or is it the blindingly white skin that almost makes Dakota Fanning look African American? We all know Miley’s super producer Mike Will is tagging and bagging that scrumptious pasty pancake ass. I mean, he’s got to be right?!? God dammit, I wanna be him, and that’s probably the first time I’ve ever wished to be another human being. I’d literally kill to bang my wrecking balls against that lurid, smooth skin. Speaking of wrecking balls, that’s my favorite song of Cyrus’s new album, which I listened to on my flight to Maui Thursday morning, specifically for the purpose of writing this prized piece. What I’m doing here is going through Miley’s song titles from her most recent album, Bangerz, taking a quote from them and placing the players under the songs I see fit for them after this last week. As per usual I will be breaking down the targets and touches for players that stood out to me. Oh and one more thing: It slipped my mind that last season my post’s were called ” Hard Targets” not “Targets and Touches,” so that’s coming back as well. I can feel your excitement from my hotel room, where I have two washed up models feeding me grapes and waxing my body for the big shoot tomorrow. When I say “shoot,” I don’t mean money shot, for this is not a porn. Only if I come upon dire straights will that happen. Dear Sky,

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Hoyer Donde Va?

October 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 247 Comments

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I should’ve known it was black magic. Didn’t even need the woman to be involved. A Cleveland Browns passing offense that passes the eye test? Not possible they said. A QB that could withstand the pressure of playing behind a bad offensive line? ‘I’m incredulous’ said those who use the word ‘incredulous’ and actually know what it means. I blame Carlos Santana. Hey, there’s a catcher from the Indians named that so it’s apropos, people. But it happened for a couple of weeks that the Browns and their passing game was saved by their quarterback being – by both the stats test and the eye test – really not that bad. But of course it’s Cleveland and as we know, everything Browns eventually goes to Brown-town. Brian Hoyer left the Thursday Night Football game with a knee that couldn’t have been more shredded than the hillside of a snowboard instructor in Aspen. There’s nothing definitive as of this typing but for all intents and purposes, it didn’t look good at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if his season is over. I take partial blame as I’ve been snake-bitten with injuries this year and actually picked Hoyer up to stream this week in one of my leagues. Mea culpa. Moving forward, the skill position players are gonna have to learn what it means to go from good to bad and how to cope. The parts there are still good, but they lost a little luster for me tonight knowing it’s going to take a trade – unlikely – or a free agent pickup – possible? – to fix this mess. And just when I was about to say Cleveland Rocks…in other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Please, blog, may I have some more?