It started off as a simple idea. We thought to ourselves ‘man, we have a lot of writers this year. Why don’t we all start a league together? Wouldn’t that be fun?’. And then a few weeks passed. And then a few more. And then a week before the season started we thought to ourselves ‘man, we have a lot of writers this year. Why don’t we all start a league together? Wouldn’t that be fun?’. Only the second time we followed through and in the end, twelve Razzball writers entered the yahoo league and only one left the victor. For your reading pleasure, we bring to you the Razzball Writers League that was, in their own words…
Sky (Finished 6-7, 9th place) – Normally I’d feel bad for finishing 6-7 and this low but all it took was one bad week 13 from Eli Manning and I went from a 7-6 finish and a playoff berth to battling for the ever important consolation prize. I’d like to think it proves how good our guys are at knowing fantasy football. At least that’s what I told myself as I cried myself to sleep at night. Biggest move: I drafted Robert Griffin, III and traded him to Nick for Percy Harvin seeing as I had two capable QBs. At least I thought I did…guess I got the wrong Manning. Needless to say, Harvin went down the very next week after I traded for him and effectively sealed my fantasy fate while heating up a future war between Canada and the United States.
Suck My Left TD, jaywrong (Finished 6-7, 7th Place) – The night was dreary. An almost impenetrable dew filled the air. I checked my zipper, tapping what was most precious to me before my hand headed north. No, I lied. I did another tap. In attempt to gain confidence, I peeled a clementine for fear of getting scurvy. Was becoming a hobo-pirate with a vitamin C deficiency a fear of mine? Yes, one of many. Then, all was calm. All was right in the world. Season Highlights: Picked up Justin Blockman off the waivers to not start him and his 98.00 point game. Being a homer instead of a player by starting Phillip Rivers every single week in favor of Andrew Luck. Being a homer instead of a player by drafting 50% of my starting players that wears or has worn a Chargers uniform. (Rivers, VJax, Gates, Kaeding, SD DEF) Being a homer instead of a player by visiting the waiver wire to add the likes of Nick Novak, Eddie Royal, Danario Alexander (blind squirrel buddy), and Jackie Battle. So what’s to take away from my season? Well, besides having a ef-me favorite team? I’m not so sure. Should I be happy that I did well enough with a Charger handicap (and finished ahead of Sky) that if I were to ever grow out of this disability, I’d be a fantasy football savant? Perhaps. Or maybe it’s more important that you know I tap my crotchal region constantly and in pairs. Yes, that’s certainly it.
JB Gilpin (6-7, 6th Place) – Pulling a bottom feeder NFL division championship maneuver, I squeaked into the playoffs, won a round, and lost in the semis. Not too shabby given some of the scrubs that permeated my fill-in holes. Kinda like that sorority everyone makes fun of. I actually think I drafted pretty well. My esteemed colleagues went for all the RB talent hard and heavy, and rightfully so. That gave me a core nucleus of Aaron Rodgers, Roddy White then Brandon Marshall, who all performed well for their value, even with White fading a bit down the stretch and letting me down in the playoffs. My lack of solid RBs did me in, even with one of the best steals in the draft with C.J. Spiller in the 9th round. Behind Spiller was Michael Turner and DeAngelo Williams amongst other poor options that lost me points in RBs and Flexes more often than not. I also had higher hopes for Jacob Tamme, who faded into meh-territory with usage of Joel Dreessen. All in all, a pretty solid year to make it to the semis, and a draft with minimal regrets.
Reign Maker$ aka Zorboss (9-4, 1st Place) – Well, that sucked. I spent the whole season making it rain in the club, finishing top in the standings and points scored, then running out of money and taking a cab home early before the feature of the night took the stage. I hate losing in the playoffs, especially as the number one seed. But, as we all know, you can always spit out the seeds when it comes to eating sunflowers and fantasy football. Best picks were Calvin Johnson and Doug Martin, and worst picks were Hakeem Nicks and Darrius Heyward-Bey. Doug Martin and Jamal Charles combined for 26 yards rushing against the 32nd and 25th ranked defenses in my week 15 playoff loss. How? C’est la vie. If you’re not first you’re last.
The Iron Throne (Josh Carey: 8-5, 2nd Place) – This league was incredibly tight. Tighter than a… you know, let’s just say tighter than something that is really tight. So when Zorboss points out he had the most points, he is correct. But he neglects to mention he only scored four-tenths of a point more than my team over the course of the entire season. With two games separating all but four teams, parity ruled the day. Highlights: Drafting both Arian Foster and Adrian Peterson (who Sky ironically listed as his two demands for RGIII prior to accepting Harvin before I could even get a deal revolving around AP out – sometimes it’s the deals you don’t make). Making the title game would also have to be a highlight. Lowlights: Everything else that wasn’t picking up Cecil Shorts. Only six players I drafted ended up on my final roster, speaking to the importance of being willing to churn your bench spots (only Sky made more transactions than I did). Even then, Brandon Lloyd and Antonio Brown (while surviving the season with me) were more disappointing than the finale of Lost.
He Hate Me (8-5, 5th Place) My squad was passive on the waiver wire (15 total transactions) and the trading post (2 trades), but was able to hang around and be somewhat competitive (‘somewhat competitive’ is a small market baseball owner’s favorite phrase). Bryce Brown and Cam Newton provided sparks of explosiveness towards the finish line, although this vessel would gradually stall out in the playoffs. Injuries are part of the game, so you need depth. Ultimately, He Hate Me’s Mickey Mouse depth (i.e. Daniel Thomas and Greg Olsen) was not enough to hoist the imaginary trophy. — Team notes — Best Draft Pick = Dez (4th Round, 40th Pick): Dez done did me well (in the spirit of my poorly grammaticized team name) as the 40th football player off the board. His run after the catch prowess saved my backside numerous times down the stretch. This doode will undoubtedly be in the 2013 top 5 WR discussion, so it really comes down your stomach for off-the-field tomfoolery and freakish fantasy scoring upside. Worst Draft Pick = Rashard Mendenhall (Round 9, 105th Pick): Delivering a paltry total of 107 yards rushing and 1 total TD to my virtual football team (based on ‘team log’ stats), it was really only Rashard’s name value that gave me a false sense of RB2 depth on my fantasy pine. The Pittsburgh running game was as helpful to fantasy owners as this person’s driving abilities are to the public. Holding onto a player too long can hamstring your roster’s flexibility, and the not even flex-worthy Mendenhall accomplished this for He Hate Me in 2012.
The Writer VinWins (6-7, 8th place) I had nothing but bad luck in this league. How else can you explain me missing the playoffs? I can’t see any other explanation. Just bad luck. Maybe my first 3 picks – Chris Johnson, Greg Jennings, and Steven Jackson – had something to do with it. My one draft success was Tony Gonzalez taken in round 10. Picked up Matthew Stafford in a trade, and got a couple nice games from him, but also a couple of duds. Anyways, I almost made the playoffs, so yay! I’m all about the moral victories.
Team Krump (4-9, 11th Place) No one likes the guy that complains about his tough schedule in fantasy football, but I’m about to be that guy. In what I can only assume is a Razzball hazing ritual, teams facing me put up 117 points more than against anyone else, and 78 points more than the highest scoring team in the league. Having said that, I still finished 7th in scoring, so I have no legit gripe. My strategy this year was to get Tom Brady in the first round, and that move panned out for me more often than not. This was one of the “not” times, but that was more due to rough years from Ryan Mathews and Steve Smith, as well as my inability to get any production from my tight ends. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to listen to Daniel Powter and prepare for fantasy baseball.
The Bridgeburners(Tehol Beddict: 8-5, 4th place, Champion). “I used to walk down the street like I was a f#cking star… I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be – and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.”
― Lady Gaga
I, Tehol Beddict, am a prime example of what the fantastically amazing Gaga was speaking of. In the beginning, I thought I may be the greatest fantasy sports player in the history of this great and beautiful Earth. I began the season going 5-0, truly believing I would run the table, crushing everything in my path like Chris Farley on a coke binge. Then, came the soul crushing 5 game losing streak which led me to punish myself nightly by polishing my turnip, blaring Celine Dion music, until crying at orgasm. My chicken was disgusted to say the least. Any pet or best friend would be. Following this disgraceful period in my life in which I thought constantly of walking into oncoming freeway traffic, I read the aforementioned quote by the great and all powerful Gaga. I thought to myself, ” You know what Tehol? This B!tch is on to something.” From that day on I just believed I would win every matchup, and guess what happened? You don’t have to guess, as I know you’ve been following this champions league all season long, tracking my progress, praying for my success, sending me money, getting me that bed in rehab, etc etc. It’s been a special year to say the least.
My best draft picks? I suppose A.J. Green as well as drafting Ridley late were my best moves. Frank Gore fell to me semi-late as well and he put in a nice season. My most underrated move was holding onto Garcon all season long, as he came back from injury and became one of my top scorers. LeSean McCoy was my first round pick and was decent until injury, but came up fairly big for me in the title game, and actually won it for me since my only other option was Josh Gordon, so Kudos to McCoy for coming back from his concussion and saving my season. I am humbled to win a league with so many great fantasy minds and it truly may be my greatest accomplishment in fantasy sports. It’s been a great year, being apart of this incredible website, and I very much look forward to the future of razzball.
Gaga wears raw meat and I wear a bed sheet. We both have always believed in our greatness, even when knocked down or when others laughed at us. We both have penises(allegedly). I am the yin to Gaga’s yang. Remember her quote friends. Remember it, for you to can be great like Gaga or Tehol. Beddict out………..
