Well, with the RCL drafting phase almost over for all leagues, there’s one last update before the seasons starts, so why not make it a special one? That’s what I was thinking, but instead, I just decided to overview the writer’s draft which happened last Thursday, with the hangover ending around today. I think. Maybe tomorrow. Before we get down and dirty (Tehol’s natural state) with poking fun at all of our teams, I’d like to point out that if you haven’t had a chance to join a league, it’s not to late in getting in on the action (and there’s no limit on joining). I’ll be hosting a draft every night until the start of the season, mostly because this is America and I want football to be here, and I want it now.
But real football is obviously not going to happen until Thursday, so I’m biding the time, as they say, with these Fantasy Football drafts. Who they are and why they say that, I have no idea, but they appear to know what’s up. Join up here for those gnarly and tubular prizes!
Now onto the mocking of the RCL Writer’s League…
Here’s the draft and team breakdown, all narrated by each writer who decided to actually write something about their team. Writer’s writing? Crazy concept, I know…
| Lifshitz Bitches!! – Ralph | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (1) | Jamaal Charles (KC – RB) |
| 2. | (24) | Andrew Luck (Ind – QB) |
| 3. | (25) | Jimmy Graham (Sea – TE) |
| 4. | (48) | Brandon Marshall (NYJ – WR) |
| 5. | (49) | Jeremy Maclin (KC – WR) |
| 6. | (72) | Rashad Jennings (NYG – RB) |
| 7. | (73) | John Brown (Ari – WR) |
| 8. | (96) | Alfred Blue (Hou – RB) |
| 9. | (97) | Eddie Royal (Chi – WR) |
| 10. | (120) | Devin Funchess (Car – WR) |
| 11. | (121) | Houston (Hou – DEF) |
| 12. | (144) | David Johnson (Ari – RB) |
| 13. | (145) | Adam Vinatieri (Ind – K) |
| 14. | (168) | Doug Baldwin (Sea – WR) |
| 15. | (169) | Kenny Britt (StL – WR) |
| 16. | (192) | Michael Crabtree (Oak – WR) |
The Champ Is Here! The Champ Is Here! The heavyweight champion of the world (Razzball 2014) is here. Smokey hold my jacket! Someone get me a mystic, I’m thirsty! Good god! I have a story to tell my loyal Razzscallions. My soon to be born spawn Prince Nolan Arenado Luther Lifshitz IV spoke to me in a dream the night before the draft and said “Father you must uphold the good Lifshitz name that spans generations and once again dance on the graves of these sucka writers with the grace and allure of vintage Madonna.” I then pounded his little fist and said I got you homie. I knew it was a sign from above when upon my arrival I was slotted to pick first. I preceded by selecting my favorite of all stud running backs, Mr. Jamaal Charles. I waited patiently for 22 selections until my second and third picks rolled around to select the best QB in the fantasy game in one Andrew Luck, and paired him with stud tight end Jimmy Graham. So I know what you’re thinking… where on earth are your receivers Ralph? Well I went for a strength in numbers approach, selecting 8 wideouts among my next 13 picks. Between Marshall, Maclin, (my road dog) John Brown, Eddie Royal, Devin Funchess, and Doug Baldwin, I should be able to find two to three startable options. I’m a little thin at RB with my depth after Charles being made up of Rashard Jennings, fill-in Alfred Blue, and high upside sleeper David Johnson. But if I’ve learned anything from my time as the Handcuff Report writer, it’s RB’s are interchangeable and disposable for the most part. Right guy who drafted Adrian Peterson first last year? I see you nodding.
One last thing Tehol, has the ninja…
| Smokey’s Team – Smokey | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (3) | Eddie Lacy (GB – RB) |
| 2. | (22) | T.Y. Hilton (Ind – WR) |
| 3. | (27) | Alshon Jeffery (Chi – WR) |
| 4. | (46) | Keenan Allen (SD – WR) |
| 5. | (51) | Doug Martin (TB – RB) |
| 6. | (70) | Tom Brady (NE – QB) |
| 7. | (75) | Charles Johnson (Min – WR) |
| 8. | (94) | LeGarrette Blount (NE – RB) |
| 9. | (99) | Brandon LaFell (NE – WR) |
| 10. | (118) | Kyle Rudolph (Min – TE) |
| 11. | (123) | Eli Manning (NYG – QB) |
| 12. | (142) | Marvin Jones (Cin – WR) |
| 13. | (147) | Knile Davis (KC – RB) |
| 14. | (166) | New York (NYJ – DEF) |
| 15. | (171) | Austin Seferian-Jenkins (TB – TE) |
| 16. | (190) | Cody Parkey (Phi – K) |
Overall happy with my team. I have good depth at wide receiver and running back. It’s always tougher in a draft with people who have a similar amount of knowledge of trends, sleepers, etc.. That was a joke actually because there really wasn’t any. Anything can happen in this format, so I will end up eating my words from making fun of people…
| Max’s Team – Max | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (4) | Le’Veon Bell (Pit – RB) |
| 2. | (21) | Lamar Miller (Mia – RB) |
| 3. | (28) | Latavius Murray (Oak – RB) |
| 4. | (45) | Julian Edelman (NE – WR) |
| 5. | (52) | Vincent Jackson (TB – WR) |
| 6. | (69) | Martellus Bennett (Chi – TE) |
| 7. | (76) | Peyton Manning (Den – QB) |
| 8. | (93) | Seattle (Sea – DEF) |
| 9. | (100) | Marques Colston (NO – WR) |
| 10. | (117) | Jonas Gray (NE – RB) |
| 11. | (124) | Brandon Coleman (NO – WR) |
| 12. | (141) | Andre Williams (NYG – RB) |
| 13. | (148) | Owen Daniels (Den – TE) |
| 14. | (165) | Steven Hauschka (Sea – K) |
| 15. | (172) | Kenny Stills (Mia – WR) |
| 16. | (189) | Breshad Perriman (Bal – WR) |
As a rookie to the Razzball crew, I had no expectations of what the draft would be like. I was shocked with some of the picks my fellow writers made in a half-PPR league. The chirping back and forth was real fun to be part of, but I was no where as into it as Tehol, Ralph, and Jennifer. So I received the 4th pick and was guaranteed one of AP, Lacy, Charles, Bell and ended up with Bell, happy about having the top player for 14 weeks, but it made me have to go 3 RB’s with my first three picks. Bell, Miller, and Latavius have incredible potential and no one close to taking their job. I need to grab some WR depth after that and got really luck with what fell for me after that. Picks 4-7 were Edelman, Martellus Bennett, Peyton and Vincent Jackson. I really love how that filled up my roster, especially with half PPR. With Brady back, Edelman excites me tremendously. Injuries throughout the Bears WR corp gets me giddy about Bennett. All four of these guys have low floors and very solid ceilings. I also threw a Seattle D pick in there pre-pick 100 to get the pretty boy Tehol to notice me.
| Drinkin Forte’s – Jennifer | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (5) | Marshawn Lynch (Sea – RB) |
| 2. | (20) | Mike Evans (TB – WR) |
| 3. | (29) | Alfred Morris (Was – RB) |
| 4. | (44) | Golden Tate (Det – WR) |
| 5. | (53) | Drew Brees (NO – QB) |
| 6. | (68) | Anquan Boldin (SF – WR) |
| 7. | (77) | Delanie Walker (Ten – TE) |
| 8. | (92) | Joique Bell (Det – RB) |
| 9. | (101) | Kendall Wright (Ten – WR) |
| 10. | (116) | Michael Floyd (Ari – WR) |
| 11. | (125) | Philadelphia (Phi – DEF) |
| 12. | (140) | Larry Donnell (NYG – TE) |
| 13. | (149) | Zach Ertz (Phi – TE) |
| 14. | (164) | Colin Kaepernick (SF – QB) |
| 15. | (173) | Mason Crosby (GB – K) |
| 16. | (188) | Malcom Floyd (SD – WR) |
Gather ‘round, all ye who dare, and hear tell of a tale of horror, deceit, and maybe even… murder. Okay, not really, it just the annual Razzball Writer’s League Draft, but it’s still pretty close. Receivers and Backs were scarce this year as we all appeared to want to load up early on. Yours truly managed to Frankenstein together a potentially workable team and focused on balance and ended up landing Drew Brees, Marshawn Lynch, Alfred Morris, Mike Evans, and Golden Tate. I somehow also managed to add Joique Bell in there in the later rounds along with Alfred Morris and Anquan Bolden. Looking at the bye weeks, none of my top five high-priced meat share a common week, so I got that going for me. Although I may have screwed myself with the first four games of the season (the schedules are pretty gnarly), I am pretty happy with my overall Running Back, Wide Receiver, and Quarterback positions. I also went out on a limb and pirated Malcolm Floyd away from Tehol Beddict (who I managed to catch sleeping) when he wasn’t aware Floyd was still on the board and Larry Donnell away from Ralph Lifshitz who absolutely annihilated me with him last season. Even if I don’t use him, Ralph can’t either. Take that, Lifshitz! Let’s hope that I don’t regret taking a chance on them. All in all, I am pretty happy with the way my draft turned out, despite autodrafting a D/ST on accident when I got up to pee, but it worked out. Lesson learned. Note to self: Next year, wear Depends during your drafts. Good luck to all of my Razzball brothers and I am gunning for whoever stole Jordan Cameron. He’s MY man!
| Lance’s Team – Lance | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (7) | Demaryius Thomas (Den – WR) |
| 2. | (18) | DeMarco Murray (Phi – RB) |
| 3. | (31) | Brandin Cooks (NO – WR) |
| 4. | (42) | Travis Kelce (KC – TE) |
| 5. | (55) | C.J. Spiller (NO – RB) |
| 6. | (66) | Russell Wilson (Sea – QB) |
| 7. | (79) | Mike Wallace (Min – WR) |
| 8. | (90) | Larry Fitzgerald (Ari – WR) |
| 9. | (103) | Torrey Smith (SF – WR) |
| 10. | (114) | Brian Quick (StL – WR) |
| 11. | (127) | Reggie Bush (SF – RB) |
| 12. | (138) | Roy Helu Jr. (Oak – RB) |
| 13. | (151) | New England (NE – DEF) |
| 14. | (162) | Jordan Reed (Was – TE) |
| 15. | (175) | Chris Johnson (Ari – RB) |
| 16. | (186) | Ty Montgomery (GB – WR) |
I came into the draft with a mindset of going WR heavy due to the fact that we can play up to four wide receivers in a league that rewards .5 points per reception. Honestly though, while I know beyond any reasonable doubt that WRs are the key in 1 PPR leagues, I’m not sure to what degree that applies to .5 PPR. I was hoping for a pick near the end (11th or 12th) and ended up picking 7th. Unfortunately the drafters in front of me did a good job of snagging my WR targets before I had a chance to draft them, starting with Antonio Brown going one spot ahead of my 7th draft slot. I settled for Demaryius Thomas, but fortunately my decision to go WR in the first round was the right one as I was able to snag DeMarco Murray at pick 2.6. Other examples of my WR targets being scooped up ahead of me were Emmanuel Sanders picked 4.4 and Allen Robinson picked 6.5. Despite this I still feel okay about my WR heavy team.
My RB strategy turned into ‘draft receiving backs’ because for whatever reason those were the types of backs my league mates kept leaving to me. I ended up with C.J. Spiller, Reggie Bush and Roy Helu as players that fit that bill.
I didn’t draft a kicker so I’ll just put off owning one until the first Sunday of the season.
| Dillon Panthers – Malamoney | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (10) | Odell Beckham Jr. (NYG – WR) |
| 2. | (15) | Jeremy Hill (Cin – RB) |
| 3. | (34) | DeAndre Hopkins (Hou – WR) |
| 4. | (39) | Mark Ingram (NO – RB) |
| 5. | (58) | Greg Olsen (Car – TE) |
| 6. | (63) | Nelson Agholor (Phi – WR) |
| 7. | (82) | Joseph Randle (Dal – RB) |
| 8. | (87) | Eric Decker (NYJ – WR) |
| 9. | (106) | Ryan Tannehill (Mia – QB) |
| 10. | (111) | DeVante Parker (Mia – WR) |
| 11. | (130) | David Cobb (Ten – RB) |
| 12. | (135) | Cody Latimer (Den – WR) |
| 13. | (154) | Denver (Den – DEF) |
| 14. | (159) | Cam Newton (Car – QB) |
| 15. | (178) | Damien Williams (Mia – RB) |
| 16. | (183) | Matt Bryant (Atl – K) |
I’m pretty concerned and dissatisfied with my team this season, but that means I fully expect to make it to the finals. While I had hoped for an earlier first round pick so that I could secure a top tier running back, I will have to rely on Jeremy Hill, Mark Ingram, Joseph Randle and Tim Riggins to carry the load. I’m looking forward to watching Old Dirty Beckham and DeAndre Hopkins combine for 20 touchdowns and 500 fantasy points, while Ryan Tannehill throws for nearly 4500 yards. As the 9th QB taken in the draft, taking Tannehill in the 9th round allowed me to snag Greg Olsen in the 5th and to take a shot on Nelson Agholor. Selecting Agholor with the 63rd pick was a bit of risk and reach considering his ADP of 88, but sometimes you gotta no when to make a move. And just in case Tannehill pulls a Jason Street, I drafted Matt Saracen, I mean Cam Newton, in the 14th round. I feel like I kept missing the player I wanted by just a few picks, but that’s the nature of the draft. My biggest blunder was perhaps taking David Cobb while Sankey was still on the board. Or was it? The road to the finals starts today…
| Tehol’s Team – Tehol | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (12) | C.J. Anderson (Den – RB) |
| 2. | (13) | Rob Gronkowski (NE – TE) |
| 3. | (36) | Carlos Hyde (SF – RB) |
| 4. | (37) | Andre Johnson (Ind – WR) |
| 5. | (60) | Todd Gurley (StL – RB) |
| 6. | (61) | Martavis Bryant (Pit – WR) |
| 7. | (84) | Steve Smith Sr. (Bal – WR) |
| 8. | (85) | Terrance Williams (Dal – WR) |
| 9. | (108) | Isaiah Crowell (Cle – RB) |
| 10. | (109) | Matt Ryan (Atl – QB) |
| 11. | (132) | St. Louis (StL – DEF) |
| 12. | (133) | Allen Hurns (Jax – WR) |
| 13. | (156) | Victor Cruz (NYG – WR) |
| 14. | (157) | Tavon Austin (StL – WR) |
| 15. | (180) | Kirk Cousins (Was – QB) |
| 16. | (181) | Matt Prater (Det – K) |
Being that I am truly Elder God blessed, I took the challenge of drafting from the 12-hole in stride, managing to put together a team I believe will compete for the championship. Speaking of holes, Ralph Lipshitz rudely dominated the chat, causing me to spend a massive amount of time destroying him in written form when I would have much rather been getting to know some of Razzball’s newer blood. You know, the blood I’m going to coat the walls with in this year’s writers league. TWO COATS!!! When Todd Gurley and Martavis Bryant come back in full force a few weeks into the season, my competitors will need to book their fantasy sports psychologist for a double sesh, followed by a scalding shower where they may then attempt to scrub the stinking filth of failure off their bodies. I’d like to pause this disassemblage of my co-workers by shouting out my new favorite and potential squire candidate, Mad Max! He drafted many of the players I had my eyes on, including the Seahawks defense, which is BY FAR the most dominant in the NFL, so kudos to him. And again, Ralph Lipshitz, ef you!!!
| Bill Cosby’s Deep Sleepers – Jay | ||
| Rd. | Pick | Player |
| 1. | (11) | Matt Forte (Chi – RB) |
| 2. | (14) | Calvin Johnson (Det – WR) |
| 3. | (35) | Andre Ellington (Ari – RB) |
| 4. | (38) | Melvin Gordon (SD – RB) |
| 5. | (59) | Sammy Watkins (Buf – WR) |
| 6. | (62) | Pierre Garcon (Was – WR) |
| 7. | (83) | Shane Vereen (NYG – RB) |
| 8. | (86) | Danny Woodhead (SD – RB) |
| 9. | (107) | Markus Wheaton (Pit – WR) |
| 10. | (110) | Philip Rivers (SD – QB) |
| 11. | (131) | Bishop Sankey (Ten – RB) |
| 12. | (134) | Dorial Green-Beckham (Ten – WR) |
| 13. | (155) | Antonio Gates (SD – TE) |
| 14. | (158) | Ladarius Green (SD – TE) |
| 15. | (179) | Arizona (Ari – DEF) |
| 16. | (182) | Dan Carpenter (Buf – K) |
Well, there’s no Ryan Mathews this year, so there’s that, I guess. I’ve been preaching again and again that running depth is really terrible this season, but I guess all my contributors listened and decided to nuke the wide reciever depth to sh*t in response. Thanks guys! I’m not crazy about Watkins and Garcon (to be fair, I’m higher on him than most) holding down the group, but I think Wheaton and Green-Beckham have the potential to do some things. Good things, hopefully. Grabbing both Vereen and Woodhead so close to each other in a half-PPR was also satisfying, but not as satisfying as Yahoo calling me out with this: “Betting on the Bolts – The fantasy hopes of Jay rest heavily on the fortunes of P-Riv’s crew, as they loaded up with five Chargers on their roster.” JUST FIVE? YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL WAIVERS OPEN.
TO JOIN A LEAGUE:
Simply examine the Google Sheet below, find a league and draft time that works for you, and click the “LINK” button in “League Link” column to be taken to the leagues home page. If the league is invite only, please email the contact.
Fantasy Football Razzball Commenter Leagues, 2015:
