As Grey pointed out yesterday, I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, mostly because I cook, drink, and football the sh*t out of it. And, of course, it’s a day of thanks, so what better thing is there to do than to thank you, the Razzball community? Well, now that I think of it, I should probably thank your mom for that one thing at that one position that happened multiple times… But seriously, the truth is, I’ve been lucky to be given the opportunity to entertain, help, and interact with all you, and I love it. And all I have to do is fart and d*ck jokes all day long. That being said, after enjoying my extravaganza of a feast (I’d be happy to share my recipes in the comments if you’re interested), I will admit… I may have napped too long. When I woke up and saw the ending of the Eagles-Dallas game, I thought I slept right into December. In fact, Romo actually saw his shadow yesterday, confirming that Romocember has arrived early. There was also a Bears-Lions game that was captivating for about a quarter and then there was a Seahawks-49ers match-up featuring Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll. And I’ll admit, I hadn’t seen an interaction between two assholes like that since I watched Requiem for a Dream…
Chicago – 17, Detroit – 34
Matthew Stafford – 34/45, 390 YDS, 2 TD. Matt Stafford has a name that would work very well in a pictogram puzzle. It would essentially be just a floor mat, “hew” written out, and then a staff of some sort, ending with a Ford F-150.
Calvin Johnson – 11 REC, 146 YDS, 2 TD. Advantages of being Calvin Johnson: He’s good at the game of footballing. He can retrieve things from high places, like a high shelf and what not. He’s also very efficient at dusting the top of a refrigerator. The disadvantages of being Calvin Johnson: Being a Decepticon. To be honest, this can technically be an advantage.
Jay Cutler – 31/48, 280 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, -1 YDS. Ended the game with an interception, which seems to be the most Jay Cutler way to end such a Jay Cutler game.
Matt Forte – 5 CAR, 6 YDS and 6 REC, 52 YDS. There is no God.
Brandon Marshall – 6 REC, 42 YDS. This was the worst production by a Marshall since Renaissance Man. (Farts, leaves room.)
Eagles – 33, Cowboys – 10
Mark Sanchez – 20/29, 217 YDS, 1 TD and 7 CAR, 28 YDS, 1 TD. Mark Sanchez perfected his quarterback slide by practicing going under middle school fences in a hurry…
LeSean McCoy – 25 CAR, 159 YDS, 1 TD. That production seems a bit Shady, right? I mean, maybe. Eh, you’re right, it’s the real McCoy…
Riley Cooper – 4 REC, 32 YDS. Cooper likes most holidays, but he hates Black Friday with a passion.
Tony Romo – 18/29, 199 YDS, 2 INT and 1 CAR, -1 YDS. Starring in Romopocalypse Now.
Lance Dunbar – 2 CAR, 15 YDS. Lance Dunbar… more like Dungbar, amirite?
Seahawks – 19, 49ers – 3
Russell Wilson – 15/22, 236 YDS, 1 TD and 7 CAR, 35 YDS. Russell Wilson plays point guard like Russell Westbrook plays quarterback.
Marshawn Lynch – 20 CAR, 104 YDS and 1 REC, 7 YDS. Do you ever think he ever marvels at how good he is at football? Or is it just because my mouth is full of Skittles?
Robert Turbin – 4 CAR, 8 YDS and 2 REC, 47 YDS, 1 TD. Turbin snuck out? Way to go Obama…
Colin Kaepernick – 16/29, 121 YDS, 2 INT. Most teams avoid Richard Sherman, so it was a surprise to see Kaepernick throw the ball directly to him… twice.
So you have Michael Crabtree (3 REC, 10 YDS.), Anquan Boldin (3 REC, 18 YDS.), and Vernon Davis (2 REC, 13 YDS.)… so you should obviously keep forcing it to Brandon Lloyd (1 REC, 6 YDS, 6 TGTS, tied for highest), who was matched-up against Richard Sherman for most of the night… bold strategy, I guess.
