Greetings! I’d like to start by informing you that my doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin, which is a mild anti-depressant, but can also help with A.D.D. (which I have in the worst way). I don’t believe in taking adderall, as it’s just another form of meth, and your boy is stimulant free (other than herbal viagra). I’ve only been taking it for two weeks thus far, but it’s totally changed my life and in multiple ways at that. Not only am I more focused than ever, as I wrote this post in record time (yes, I wrote this part last), but I’ve reached the type of mental zone that I’ve only once witnessed before, and that was Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Not only do these magic blue pills make me feel better about leaving the world of modeling to become a fantasy sports writer, but I’m not busting nuts like the Steamboat Geyser. I kid you not, this shizz is incredible!  I can’t lie to ya, I’m feelin myself like Mac Dre right now, and I pray to the Elders I never lose this feeling, for I fully believe, at this moment, that I can take on the entire world and become the most famous fantasy sports writer that ever lived… Until I crash anyway, then I’ll be back in the gutter, begging sloppy drunk chicks to take me home for a hot bath and a TV dinner. I’ll let you be the judge, but, uhhhh, watch the video after the jump to see how I feel right now.

I am Tehol Beddict and this Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em! TAKE HEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Want to win a Razzball T-Shirt? Try out our new Fantasy Football Team Name Generator and post your favorite below in the comment section. We’ll select a random winner next Thursday!

 

Start ‘Em

Matt Cassel – Just kidding.

Philip Rivers – Oakland is giving up 299 yards passing per game and Phillip Rivers is throwing for 800 yards a game right now, so you do the math. Did I mention the Chargers run game is about as stimulating as that Hulk Hogan sex tape? I don’t care if Gates plays. I don’t care if Keenan Allen suits up. Rivers will eat like he’s at home on his cattle ranch or wherever the f*ck he resides with his 25 children. [Jay’s Note: Pretty sure he has 52 children.]

Todd Gurley – Well, duh! Not only is Gurley burrowing through opposing men like that gerbil did Richard Gere, but he’s had an extra week to prepare for another 30-plus carry game AND he get’s to go up against the Browns, who by the way are DEAD ASS LAST in the NFL in run defense. This could be a historic day. Say one thing for the Cleveland Browns, they always blow horse “D”.

Charcandrick West – Pittsburgh has given up only one rushing TD on the season thus far, but their pass defense has more gaping crevices in it than the Lohan family. And what does West do best? That’s right, now you’re getting it; He catches the football and does fun and interesting things with it after the fact. I expect the Chiefs to: 1) Control the clock and, 2) Take it to Landry Jones, who everyone is praising for throwing a 5-yard pass to Martavis Bryant the Elder God blessed legend, who made one of the greatest plays I’ve ever witnessed. Jones is going to have an imprint of Justin Houston’s package on his neck when this game is through. Trust me.

Pierre Garçon – How this dud keeps making my list, I have no idea. But he’s here! D-Jax the fraudulent is out another week, so the Frenchman should yet again, receive a ton of targets. Being that Tampa’s defense is leakier than my dong after I raw dogged Nicky Hilton, I’m actually expecting he breaks 50-yards receiving with a score.

Dorial Green-Beckham – If Harry Douglas misses this game with his rib injury, I’m totally fine with throwing DGB into your DFS or 12-team league match-ups. Desmond Trufant should be on Kendall Wright, leaving Beckham to go balls deep into Alford or whatever bum is left to attempt in stopping this behemoth. We are all witnesses.

Jordan Reed – Again, Tampa Defense. Leakage… we don’t need to get into this again.

Cardinals Defense – Aaaaaaahkay, so if I’m the Cardinals, I lock Peterson on Steve Smith and blitz the living shizzzz out of Joey Flacco. That’s the only game plan needed. Seriously, it’s that simple this week.

 

Sit ‘Em

Sam Bradford – Carolina’s defense don’t play and Bradford don’t play well. Does that make sense? Either way, Bradford looks my string bean lookin’ as step daughter who I sponsor in Ethiopia. This guy is so bad, he gives Christian Slater hope of a comeback. This guy is so horrific, Sinbad thinks he’s got a shot to do Houseguest 2 with a $100 million dollar budget. Jonathan Taylor-Thomas now believes that if Sam Bradford can start at quarterback in the NFL, that he can stop doing gay porn to pay for his studio apartment in West Hollywood, and start directing films for Netflix. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GIVE ME SANCHIZE!

jonathan-taylor-thomas-portable-755x420

Joe Flacco – Coach Beddict wrote about this earlier when speaking on the Cardinals defense. Why don’t you scroll up and re-read it so I don’t waste any more of your oh so precious time. THANKS!

Any Browns Running back – Really excited about the fact that Robert Turbin has now entered the mix and made it impossible to even consider starting a Browns running back in fantasy for the rest of the season. Kind of reminds of last year’s dumpster fire. I’m so sick and tired of the joke show going on in Cleveland I could retire and go back to thong modeling, where I’m not forced to write about a subject that angers me beyond measures I never thought possible. I DESPISE THE CLEVELAND BROWNS! Except Barnidge. Love that dude.

Melvin Gordon – Ahhhh, look who’s back in the sit column. Shocker! Jeff Gordon has a better shot of running for 100-yards this week than this peon. The Chargers’ first round draft pick belongs at third string, yet he’s been handed the starting role for reasons I’m not aware of. You know, because he looks like the definition of mediocrity on the football field. More Woodhead and Brandon Oliver please.

Jordan Matthews – Someone look up this bum’s ADP for me right quick. I’m exhausted from witnessing the Blue Jays blow the AL pennant and only have so much time to give you before I begin swiping right on every chick within 100 miles of me until one (or hopefully more) say yes. Matthews has been more disappointing than Aaron Paul’s post ‘Breaking Bad’ career. Seriously tho, were any of you truly expecting him to become a movie star? If you said yes to that this question you should be punished by eating an overripe banana out of John Goodman’s ass.

Brandon LaFell – Why are people adding LaFell like he’s the greatest thing since ass implants for chicks,  I have no clue, but uhhhh, I don’t give a horses dick what LaFell did last year. That was last year! Since when does Belichick care about past performance. Let’s be real; LaFell is a middling talent who succeeded in the Patriots system. Now that Edelman has become a star and Gronk is fully healthy, WHY would Brady ever want to throw to Cam Newton’s former nut rag carrier? Sure, he’ll have some games where he’s wide open because of the aforementioned players, but I just don’t see him being a consistent threat or anyone I’d want to start.

Heath Miller – Didn’t hate many tight ends this week, but I do hate this one considering Landry Jones is starting. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Texans Defense – Remember when the Texans were a most own fantasy defense? Yea, well, remember when Nicolas Cage was a relevant human being? Both are finished and I’m not even mad about it.

Thank you for joining me for another edition of Star Em’, Sit Em’. As per usual, your comments and questions will be answered below in due time. I swear on the Elder Gods that I will answer each and every single one of them, for I love you as much as any former thong modeling fantasy football writer can love people he’s never met. Enjoy the weekend. I know I won’t.

 

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.

  1. Dom B says:
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    Hey are you worried about John Browns hamstring this week he hurt himself this week and I have him in my flex. Would you still play him over Steve Smith or is Steve Smith a better option,

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dom B: tough call as I believe everyone on Cardinals has great chance of scoring. but steve smith should receive an ASSLOAD of targets as usual so he’s higher floor

  2. Zandy says:
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    0.5 ppr need a drop for a TE with martellus on bye

    Who’s the drop? Assume knile or Crowell?
    Other rbs: gurley randle Christine hillman alf then knile or Crowell

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: i like Crowell better than knile at this point. Crowell still can make something happen. but fairly easy call for me here

  3. pickleball says:
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    wellbutrin is also a smoking cessation aid… that magic pill has many faucets in life.

    martavis > white walkers. dude is made out of straight valeryian steel. would you get cute this week and start this monster over his undersized, yet incredibly talented mentor (antonio brown).. i just want to find ways to get this guy in my lineup.

    also. who would you want ros if playing for a title?
    c-mike or james starks?
    forsett or frank gore?
    c-mike and sammy watkins or ronnie hillman?

    last q. would you roll with martellus bennet over eric ebron or jordan cameron ros if i already have alshon jeffery. i dont like to expose myself to one offense too much, and if alshon is an every week starter he pulls targets away from bennet. or maybe im over thinking it.

    bless the new gods and the old.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @pickleball: I KNOW RIGHT!?!?!?! i need to stop with smoking too when i get stressed. the miracle drug!

      OMG, I LOVE the GOT references here. you made my morning! tough call to start him over Brown but shooooot, id say odds are 50/50 he has just as good a game or better but i think chiefs gonna put a hurting on Landry this week.

      leaning Starks just because i wont believe micahel starting till i see it.
      Gore
      ill take C-mike and watkins as watkins could put you over the top for title run.
      yea, you have to. Bennett is the superior fantasy asset. i dont like having guys on same team either but you gotta do it

  4. Nick says:
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    Hey bud, not in good shape right now in 10team standard…drafting Peyton was mistake #1…than I felt great about adding Taylor for Mannings bye this week but noooo, he has to be injured of all weeks…so I grab Stafford to fill in, carrying 3 QBs, ugh. Than at TE, drafted Bennett who is mediocre this year thus grabbing Gates off waivers…now he is questionable.

    Just cant win & thats not even mentioning J Randle & D Murrays production for my team…with Tate on my bench, if Gates does not play, do you drop him for Ebron, Fleener or L Green?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: Ladarius bro! thats the play if Gates goes down. things will improve

  5. STL says:
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    12 team PPR

    I flipped between J. Cameron and J. Reed about 10 times this week. What do you think?

    I feel like Cameron is going to break out in a big way one of these weeks. The targets have been there, just not the production.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @STL: Im going Reed mayne. should get hella targets against weak ass tampa safeties backers

  6. WillisReid says:
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    DGB or Charles Sims if Gates can’t go? I have Ginn at my other flet spot what configuration would you suggest?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @WillisReid: DGB!!!!!!!! NO FEAR

  7. Superfly says:
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    Dude watching my team is as brutal….l as time I waited and watched Geraldo Rivera bust in Al Capone’s secret underground vault only to find cobwebs and empty beer bottles (It really sucked)……Who do I Flex…. PPR…. S. Diggs, C. Michael or that buster B. Cooks????? Thanks…….

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Superfly: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA! nice one. think you have to go Cooks with VOntae playing on Snead side

  8. Joe says:
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    Why do you have Matt Ryan ranked so high? I have him benched for cam newton and I have no confidence in Matty Ice so far this season.

    • pickleball says:
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      @Joe: unfortunately i have to agree as a matty ice owner… but i hope tehol is right for my own benefit here!

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @pickleball: i wouldnt do you dirty. he should be fine

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joe: i still may make some adjustments as I’ve been crazy busy. BUT, Falcons have had some extra days off due to TNF so I’m planning on Julio being at 100 percent which is almost enough to rank any qb in the top 10. the Titans defense is improved but not THAT improved. 280 yards and 3 tubs isn’t out of the question . its more to do with me not LOVING that many other qbs

  9. MIke says:
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    What up, Tehol! Good writeup. I’m a Rivers owner and have Reed & Ladarius at TE. If Gates is out, Ladarius is the play right?

    Also, I have Cooks and Cooper who will be covered by J. Verrett & V. Davis respectively. Those bastards scare the hell out of me. Would you play Diggs and Ted Ginn over them? They both have great matchups.

    Thanks mane.

    • Pppphhh says:
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      @MIke: random guy here.. I think green is the play. Stack rivers and green. You win or die by the duo. As far as the receivers gotta play your studs. Although you could argue for diggs this week. He looks good.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Pppphhh: got to go wit da hogs

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @MIke: thank you, suh. yes, Ladarius is the play for sho.

      no, i would play cooper no matter what. if not him then Cooks

  10. Beans says:
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    What up Tyhol? Would you say a prayer and start Stafford or say that same prayer and go with Mettenberger hoyer Fitz Teddy B or really drop it on me and go Landrey Jones? Thanks for the time

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Beans: wow. you have to go Fitz or Stafford. id probably just go staff

  11. Graeme says:
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    Looking like I’ll need a big week in one of my leagues to get the win. If I’m looking strictly at upside, who do you start? I’m including Maclin, even though he’s looking like a better option today than yesterday … pick 2 please …

    Jeremy Maclin vs PIT
    Robert Woods @ JAX (in London)
    Dorial Green-Beckham vs ATL
    Michael Crabtree @SD

    Wellbutrin is often prescribed to counteract the sexual side effects of other anti-depressants, FYI. Not sure how it works if you aren’t already taking one of those, but I know it can be hard to get off of.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Graeme: Maclin and Crabtree safest options. Maclin is great option and Crabtree should get Flowers who has been dog shit.

      DGB has more upside than Crabtree with Douglas out but is still unknown.

      yea, Its definitely hard!

  12. Steve Stevenson says:
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    10-tm dynasty, standard scoring w/ 6-pt pass TD, start 2RB, 2WR and a Flex. Won the league last yr but started slow (3-3, 6th in pts) due to injury and ineffectiveness and another owner oing for it made me a “rebuilding” offer of Gurley and spare parts for Foster, Megatron and the Hawks D. While I’m good enough to win again, Gurley is a tasty piece so I’m thinking of a counter.

    QB Ryan, Roethlisberger
    RB Foster, Forte, Hill, Randle & Michael, Crowell & Duke Johnson
    WR Megatron, Dez, K. Allen, Hurns, DGB
    TE Gates, Graham

    He may be down enough on Mike Evans that I could do something like Foster, Calvin and Hurns for Gurley and Evans, with spare parts thrown in accordingly. Go for it?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: you can still achieve greatness!

      yea, whats he want for Gurley! would be nice to compete and still have gurley mon. i would do that exact trade you mentioned. genius, my goodman. genius!

  13. 740 says:
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    Hey, 10team h2h

    Who would u rather start. West, Morris, Yeldon?

    Thank u

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @740: West is my play, suh

  14. pickleball says:
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    deal antonio brown away for lacy if i need the rb? i’m pretty set at wr.

    other option is deal antonio and $1 c-mike in a keeper for andrew luck and eddie lacy… i have little faith in this c-mike hype but the other owner is trying to deal luck and is sick of eddie lacy.

    current qb is matty ice and he’s been real yawnstipating (to steal a fantasy baseball term)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @pickleball: no. we done know what we’re going to get for Lacy so that’s tough especially with Ben coming back shortly. brown is top 3 wideout in fantasy with big ben soooo, you d have to have some pretty incredible wideouts but getting Luck in that trade makes it at least acceptable. i probably wouldnt do it unless you ARE SUPER STACKED at wideout. let me know who you have

  15. William says:
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    Tehol! I hope you are well. I made some moves since week five. I traded J. Matthews, A. Cooper and A. Boldin for John Brown (AZ) and L. Fitzgerald. Solid trade?

    I did have some questions for this week. Who should I start? I really appreciate your help!

    QB- Tannehill (A. Rodger is on a bye)
    RB1- Gurley
    RB2- Ingram
    WR1- Fitzgerald
    WR2- John Brown
    TE- C. Clay
    F- Doug Martin or Dion Lewis?
    D- AZ
    K- Lambo or Tucker?

    Bench: A. Rodgers, E. Lacy, Eifert, NYJ Defense.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William: Prince William VIII, how are thing!??!

      I’m fine, thanks for asking! i dont LOVE the trade but i dont HATE it either. id probably go with Martin this week as Lewis banged up and Jets on him but he may have higher ceiling. martin should be semi safe play. did i miss another question? thats only one i See

      • William says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        If you didn’t mind me asking what should I do at kicker? Lambo vs Oak or Tucker vs AZ? Since I have John Brown should I drop the one kicker I don’t start for Michael Floyd in case John Brown does not play?

        Thanks

        William

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @William: WIll.I.AM! of course id not mind you asking. yea. u dont need two kickers, bruh. I like Lambo this week but Tucker should be fine and long term the better option so feel free to slash BO and grab floyd who needs to be owned anyway.

          And of course i dont mind you asking. ask me ANYTHING, ANYTIME

  16. Jake says:
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    If Gates is out would you start Green over Jordan Reed ? Or I could bench Steve Smith and play both but not sure about that move

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jake: yea id start green over Reed with Gates out forshodo

  17. joe lucchese says:
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    Good morning jay quick question on a trade offer i got in a 12 team ppr league
    i send ither emmanual sanders and chris ivory or randall cobb and ivory
    for Le’Veon bell and golden tate
    my other wr’s
    moncrief
    john brown
    rishard matthews
    and my other running backs are
    ingram
    lacy
    hilman
    stewart

    Do you pull the trigger and grab Le’Veon??

    • joe lucchese says:
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      @joe lucchese:
      sorry didnt mean to say good morning jay have just posted this question in like 3 different places with no response thanks for the help

      • willtherealpeytonmanningpleasestandup says:
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        @joe lucchese: thats a tough trade… someone very crafty proposed this to you. honestly i think you take it but you have to turn one of your other rb’s into a wr. try and sell stewart or hillman for an uprgrade at WR..

        ive got no faith in golden tate. and i’d send emmanuel and ivory, not cobb. rodgers will start to fead him.

        im interested to what other think though

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @joe lucchese: sorry for late response bud. was out and about

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @joe lucchese: Excuuuuuuuuuuse me??????? yea id probably make that trade. ur other rb’s are trash

      • joe lucchese says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: thank you so much for the response tehol made the deal hoping its gonna pay off lol

  18. willtherealpeytonmanningpleasestandup says:
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    just kidding the real peyton manning is standing and he sucks now.

    would you rather have:

    c-mike and knile davis or hillman and rawls?

    keeper league, all players are under $5 to keep

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @willtherealpeytonmanningpleasestandup: c mike and knile i guess. rawls is strictly backup from now on and bye coming soon. Hillman splitting carries at best. c-mike and knile more upside . dont love either side

  19. Jerry says:
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    Hey, Tehol! Can you please pick two of the following three wr for ros: Tavon Austin, Marvin Jones, and Terrance Williams. Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jerry: Jones and T-will

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jerry: J-BONE!!!! i didn’t even greet you on first response. I apologize

  20. I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor, and $6,000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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    having taken most drugs under the sun just recreationally, yeah, wellbutrin is a mild one, most of the stronger ones give you a dissociative state where you feel at least somewhat that you are outside yourself (which is cool sometimes, for a while maybe), but wellbutrin didn’t do that that much. Most of them also cut your alcohol tolerance in half as well, so you’ll save some money there. Also not a bad idea to take one of those for people about to go hang out in bar(s) that are more expensive than they are usually used to affording. This last part probably doesn’t apply once your brain gets used to them after you’ve taken them regularly for a few weeks though.

  21. Dave says:
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    Someone in my PPR league dropped Michael Crabtree, would you drop Garcon or Charcandrick for him? I have no one else to drop. Another issue is I have Amari Cooper too so don’t know if it’s bad to have both Raider WR’s.

    What do you think TEHOL?

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave: ehhhhhhhhhh, naaaaaah, you got the other guys. he’s not an upgrade and i would NEVER start both raiders same week. so nah, cuz

  22. tentyme says:
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    it’s late sorry but the game is early as hell tomorrow !!…. In a 1 pt. PPR 6 pt TD yardage league would you play HURNS over LAFELL ?? Thank you for the help

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @tentyme: dont apologize, brospeh. I’m up all night my G. Yes, id def play Hurns over him no doubt

  23. FrankGrimes says:
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    Matthews is on a decent pace almost Edelman #s like
    could he have more TDs yup
    do he have some drops yup
    Does chip Kelly belong in the NFL nope

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: really? seems like he’s converting like half his targets and has one garbage time score. i could be incorrect. I’m sure most of fault on bradford, plus he’s not really a deep threat.

      • FrankGrimes says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:
        on pace for 96/1000

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @FrankGrimes: how is that ffuckin possible!!?!? wow

  24. baller says:
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    diggs or garcon 1 point ppr

    eli manning or bortles?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @baller: garcon/Manning

  25. Frank White says:
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    Sup Man.. For Rb spot and flex – Wallace, Matt Jones and Charcandrick West?? 2 out of 3 but need at least 1 back.. Oh and Antonio Andrews. Please help me asap. Thanks Buddy

  26. Nick says:
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    Morning Tehol! I asked earlier about a backup TE if Gates cannot go….& that would be grabbing Green from waivers, dropping Tate…BUT if Gates does play through injury, would you just start Gates?

    • Nick says:
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      @Nick: Never mind! Gates out, made decision easy! But now I’m the guy carrying 3 TEs & 3 QBs for this week!

      Im down 53-39…BUT i still have Cooper, D Murray, L Green, J Randle & Tucker who have not even touched the field yet! Opponent only has J Brown after the 2nd half of the 1pm games…

      he only had Landry go off so far & he has Hoyer, Snead, McCoy, Abdullah, Reed, Watson & Vinatieri & Seattle defense already played.

      I still have Stafford, Hilton, Garcon AP going for 2nd half as well as the guys mentioned above

      I should be able to pull this off as long as the opponent does not have his NO receivers go off…

  27. ElBoss says:
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    Here is a tough one I have been contemplating this morning, would you drop Jordan Mathews for Green-Beckham?
    Where do you see the Dallas Cowboys backfield in week 14?
    Thanks bud, love your posts!! Let me get some of those pills!!!

    • ElBoss says:
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      @ElBoss: I have a lot of Depth on my team.

  28. The Talent Show says:
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    Dgb vs atl or barnidge @ stl?? .5ppr. Flex

Comments are closed.