I have been doing a lot of thinking about week 1 and what we can trust and what we should throw away. It’s a tough thing to not trust your eyes for future projections. I guess that’s what makes sports gambling so difficult. New casinos don’t pop up from everybody winning. How does one pick who to double down on off of a blah performance? The same goes for breakout performances. How do we know it wasn’t a one-off occurrence? Instincts plays a big role. When you’ve been playing fantasy football for over a decade you pick up on trends and apply it to new situations. Another thing, I’m really excited to be writing the start/sit column every week. Yes, the title alone brings a lot of eyes, but also I want to challenge myself to put personal biases aside to try and help build lineups for you, the reader. I had a BIG whiff last week on Ben Roethlisberger. That was a failure on my part to not weigh the matchup heavier than the overall narrative that I have for him in 2020.

The results from last week weren’t bad at all outside of that misstep. Shout out to Will Fuller! Nobody outside of him really popped. Taylor, Garappolo, and Ronald Jones were fine, I suppose. Desean Jackson didn’t do diddly squat, but that’s on his QB. Everyone outside of Roethlisberger that I suggested sitting did absolutely nothing. We’re on to week 2.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did you know that Rudy Gamble spent a full year at BBQ joints across the south and midwest studying to prepare the Pigskinonator? That’s dedication! Ultimately, pit bosses got wise to his tricks when he kept complaining about the “small sample size” of pulled pork he was getting. After his sojourn, Rudy returned to the nacho-cheese coated interior of Razzball Headquarters and developed the most advanced imaginary football management player performance predictor in existence: The Pigskinonator. Ultimately we had to get a restaurant permit because it turned out that Rudy really did roast a whole hog every time he ran the numbers. He said offers of roasted pork shoulder really appeased the fantasy football gods. Anywho. You should take a gander at the premium football offerings that Rudy provides because they’re legitimately the best way to think about whether you want to start Boston Scott or Nyheim Hines this week. Starting at $1 a week, you’re getting Rudy’s constantly updated weekly rankings, which account for, well, everything. If you’re into daily fantasy, check out the DFS option, which gives you an awesome lineup optimization tool that will make setting a competitive DFS lineup a breeze. On Rudy’s #1 projected lineup for the Thurs-Monday slate on DraftKings last week, I made nearly 300% return on investment. Whether it be your office league or DFS, all fantasy sports is about stacking the odds, and it’s good to have a tool in your belt that can help out in a pinch. 

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[put on the chillhop radio station and just let it flow] 

Welcome everyone! It’s a privilege to have you here in the Year of the Bubble. No doubt you’ve been refreshing training camp vids and working on your Austin Ekeler-style abs for the past few months. Some of you have been following Razzball Football in the off-season the whole way and you have read every last word. Thank you! Some of you are coming out of fantasy football hibernation right now, and you’re looking for the best fantasy football content to help you win your (virtual) office league. Welcome back! 

Without further ado, let’s kickoff our weekly look at the Top 30 Quarterbacks!

Top 30 Quarterbacks Header

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With the news of off-season acquisition Devin Funchess opting out, the fantasy football community erupted into a frenzy regarding who would be Davante Adams’ right hand man. At one time, the second option in the Green Bay passing game was a fantasy asset. From 2013 to 2016, Aaron Rodgers’ WR2 saw an average of 108 targets for a 69-1000-9 line. Since those glory days, however, the second receiver has only mustered 83 targets for 56-588-3 which is not an option for our fake football teams.

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Five Guys Burgers and Fries and is an American fast-food chain serving…well…hamburgers and fries. They were founded in Virginia by former 1982 NFL MVP (albeit strike-shortened), Mark Moseley, a placekicker for the Philadelphia Eagles, Houston Oilers, Washington NFL Franchise, and Cleveland Browns. Moseley is one of just three non-offensive players in league history to capture the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award. He was one of those straight-on kickers you see in the old films, the last since Dirk Borgognone in 1995 to defy the instep kicking movement.

Mark Moseley earned his MVP by converting 20 of 21 attempts in the ’82 season, a seasonal accuracy record, however, it wasn’t all roses for Moseley. He bounced around the league in his first two seasons, eventually heading back to Texas to install septic systems while practicing his kicking trade with his wife. He worked hard, returned to the league, won that MVP, and is still the Washington NFL franchise leader in points. Not to mention, he nailed it with the burger joint after his career ended. I mean, buckets of peanuts while you wait is just as American vintage as that straight kick.

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What a time to be alive! 2020 has brought us pandemics, protests, rioting, looting and working from home in your underwear. You can cut the country’s social tension with that frosting spatula you’ve been using to itch your back. But whether you’re black, white, brown or cartoon, there’s one force with the power to unite us all: 2020 fantasy football rankings! Who’s with me? *crickets* Alright, maybe I got a little overexcited. It’s been awhile since I’ve had any human contact. Forget about six feet, I’m not allow to get within 300 feet of my girlfriend, Kerryon. But enough about the sad life of a donkey in love, here’s my top 10 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:

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It’s NFL Draft Week 2020! I hope you are all planning to celebrate in some kind of awesome way. I will be setting up a draft prediction pool and running a Zoom poker night while the picks come in. This is the closest thing to sports we’ve had since the shutdown and we have to bask in its glow.

While I think it’s valuable to have your favorite prospects in some tiered order pre-draft, there’s no way to ignore that landing spot matters to some extent. In dynasty I think your own talent evaluation should be weighted most, but for redraft leagues landing spot is very important in how we should view a rookie’s year 1 potential. I have laid out my rankings for QB, RB, WR, and TE previously but now will give you my favorite rookie landing spots.

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Yesterday started like any other Saturday in this current timeline. I woke up and had my morning coffee and started meal planning for the weekend. What more is there really to think about right now other than eating and watching TV? It’s getting warmer out, so why not fire up the smoker? Ribs it is. I ran off to the grocery store after a proper hand cleaning and got my materials and fired up the smoker. If you have smoked ribs before, you probably know that the go to method is 3-2-1. Three hours unwrapped, two hours wrapped with liquid, and one hour wrapped with sauce. Bang, fall-off-the-bone goodness. 

So I have three hours to kill until I need to worry about the ribs, so some Twitter entertainment is in order. And…. President Trump is tweeting about a Lamar Jackson draft pick video. Am I in some covid fever dream? I know that Trump tried to buy the Buffalo Bills some years ago but I didn’t think he was still a casual enough observer to know of Lamar Jackson’s greatness. I thought that the extent of his football attention was being mad at the kneelers. Anyways, jokes are tweeted and I am entertained.

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Quarantine Day 25:

I made a fire in the yard today while pondering my 2020 dynasty rankings. As I gazed into the flames, a series of vivid images began to appear. The Lord of Light was sending me a divine message about dynasty quarterbacks. Or maybe the mushrooms I had eaten were starting to kick in, hard to say. Either way, a life-size image of Kyler Murray arose from the blazing inferno. The meaning was clear, this dull and uneventful 20th year after 2000 will forever be know as the year of Kyler, and nothing else. Anyway, here’s my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:   

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Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?