The build up to the 2020 NFL Draft was like waiting for Christmas morning as a child, the release of Game of Thrones Season 8 as an adult and the return of Taco Bell’s Nacho Fries as a stoner, all at once. But alas the excitement of the draft has come and gone. Giants fans were left wondering what might have been if their GM figured out how to use a computer, Bears fans were left wondering what it feels like to make a good draft pick and fantasy football fans were left wondering when Donkey Teeth’s 2020 fantasy football rankings would be released. Sorry Giants and fellow Bears fans, I have no answers for you, but fantasy fans you’re in luck. It’s redraft rankings season! All of my 2020 dynasty football rankings have already been released, dissected and judged as terribly inadequate. Anyway, here’s my top 10 for 2020 fantasy football:

Just kidding! Tricked you again! First, I’m contractually obligated to plug my wildly popular new YouTube show called Fantasy Football Malpractice with myself (Dr. Donkey Teeth) and The Boof. Episode two was released earlier this week where we discuss NFL in the COVID Era, drafting for upside and some of our worst takes from 2019. Watch, subscribe, comment and click that thumbs up dealie if you don’t hate us too much!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever go to the driving range? Not one of those fancy Top Golf ranges, I’m talking old school range. Like the one Kevin Costner owned in Tin Cup. Cheech Marin’s character would get sent out in a cart to pick up the range balls and all the crappy golfers would take aim. Nailing the cart boy with a line drive is the pinnacle of golf.  Actually I don’t think Cheech ever fetch range balls in the movie, but what else was doing there other than smoking the reefer? Dynasty rankings are like going after that range ball collection cart—a constantly moving target. And I’m the crappy golfer, blinded by Kerryon Johnson’s beautiful eyes and A.J. Dillon’s sexy legs, like Costner with the hots for Rene Russo. Man I need to add that movie to my pandemic watchlist. Anyway, here’s my top 10 dynasty players for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And now after I have teased you with 2 days of WR rankings, it’s time for the pièce de résistance: rookie RBs! Nothing has the potential to shift a fantasy league like a freshman RB who finally gets hot come playoff time. We saw with David Johnson in 2015, Alvin Kamara in 2017, Nick Chubb in 2018 and Miles Sanders a year ago. 

If you’ve been following my offseason process, you know what I look for when ranking prospects. If you are a first timer please check out this article explaining my general rationale. 

Additionally, you can see the ascent and decline of various RBs since February with my pre-combine rankings and post-combine rankings

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The 2020 NFL Draft Combine has come and gone. Here’s what we learned: Henry Ruggs isn’t slow, two large trees were killed in the making of A.J. Dillon’s legs, Jonathan Taylor is THE MAN, and eight large deep dish pizzas (Pequods-only) in three days is too much for any one donkey. So now what? First, I’ll probably need to go to the gym to work off these 30 extra combine-pizza-pounds. But you’re here for fantasy football discussion, not updates on Donkey’s rapidly deteriorating physical and mental health. Well, our 2020 Dynasty and Rookie Rankings are now being populated and updated frequently, and B_Don is plowing thru the film on his 2020 NFL Draft Previews. I went over my top 20 and top 40 dynasty running backs last week and made a couple minor post-combine tweaks once the dust settled (insert Jonathan Taylor eggplant emoji). Anyway, here’s my top 60 running backs for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

Disclaimer: If you’re sensitive to ridiculously high rankings of Kerryon Johnson, don’t scroll too far. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Have you stocked up on disposable N-95 masks, canned goods and lotion yet? Oh, you don’t think you’ll need a stockpile of lotion for what’s coming? Once I’m in self-quarantine, here’s how I picture my daily routine:

12:00 AM – 6:00 AM: Dream About Kerryon Johnson MVP season(s)

6:00 AM – 9:00 AM: Eat Pancakes 

9:00 AM – 12:00 AM: Rosterbate to my Dynasty Teams 

Needless to say, my lotion supply is locked and loaded. Speaking of locked and loaded, check out all of our 2020 Fantasy Football Dynasty and Rookie Rankings! I went over my top 20 dynasty running backs (full list at bottom of this post) earlier this week between visits to the lotion dealer; yes, I’m still irrationally high on Kerryon Johnson and crystal meth. Anyway, here’s my top 40 running backs for 2020 PPR dynasty football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s NFL Scouting Combine week! In celebration I’ll be wearing the same clothes all week (no pants) while eating only pizza, ice cream and tequila. I’ll also be dropping my top 40 dynasty running backs for 2020 fantasy football which includes this year’s rookie running back class. Of course, these draft prospect running backs are currently unemployed which makes their valuations a bit more challenging and unpredictable. But even without homes it’s fun to think about where to value these youngsters relative to the more experienced backs. All of our fantasy football rankings including positional and overall NFL draft prospect rankings, dynasty rankings and eventually redraft rankings can be found on our 2020 Fantasy Football Rankings page as they’re released. Anyway, here’s my top 20 dynasty running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The zero RB truth-ing will never stop. But maybe, just maybe, the 2019 season results will put a halt to the growth of it’s following. When looking at the top 12 finishes for 2019 in PPR leagues: 5 of the players were running backs, 6 were quarterbacks (obviously), and there was only one wide receiver. Of the 5 running backs that finished in the top 12, 3 of them had 2019 ADPs in the top 15. Those players were Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook, and somehow Ezekiel Elliott. 

I’m sort of trolling with that first paragraph, zero RB is by no means a bad strategy. An easy counter argument is to point out how well Austin Ekeler, Mark Ingram, and Chris Carson finished. Austin Ekeler was a popular zero RB target and we’ll get to him a little later.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy football season is over for most of us. There still are psychotic commissioners out there that see no reason to leave week 17 out. If you’re in an argument with this person, all you need to do is point out the literal highest scoring fantasy asset is sitting out this week since the Baltimore Ravens locked up the #1 seed throughout the playoffs. 

But, I am here to serve. I know that there are some of you that have to navigate the rough week 17 waters to try and chase those final payments. And there are those of us bored degenerates that are going to try to squeeze the last little bit of money on DraftKings and FanDuel. I didn’t do any rankings for week 17, but we can take a look at the inactives for week 17 and some sneaky DFS plays. Even if your fantasy football season is over, it doesn’t have to be totally done just yet. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?