Another week, another grind! We’re really getting to the important weeks of the season. We have three more W’s to get to either make the playoffs or get the best seeding we can. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.gif. I know making decisions on who to start and sit isn’t as tough as it usually is this year because of the injury cesspool, but I’m here to help. Let’s get to the players that I really like for week 11.Please, blog, may I have some more?
People come up to me and they say, “MB, this is it, this is the biggest Tuesday of our lives so far.” I must say that I am confused. Every Tuesday from the start of the season to the fantasy football trade deadline is a big Tuesday. Stealin’ or Dealin’ comes out! They say, “No MB, the presidential election! This election could save or doom the next couple of decades in this country.” Excuse me, but is Kanye West giving you advice on how to manage your fantasy football team? Between making shoes, Gap clothes, making unlistenable music, and foreign policy I’m not so sure he can tell you how much trade value Kareem Hunt has once Nick Chubb returns from injury. They say, “MB, there is more to life than fantasy football, can’t you see that?” Of course I can! I’m not that dull. There is fantasy baseball too and Grey is already putting out rookie profiles. Anyways, here are some buys and a sell for week 9!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Two nights ago I had a vivid dream. I was cruising down the South Carolina coast on a beautiful summers day, windows open and Katie Perry’s Dark Horse blaring on the speakers. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I see an enormous tidal wave towering over me. As I scrambled to roll up the windows, the big kahuna came crashing down on me like something out of an Odell Beckham Jr. fantasy—except less brown and more liquid. Well, I think more liquid, not positive on Odell’s preferred consistency. But next thing I knew I was laying awake in bed, sweat covered, clutching my Kerryon Johnson blow up doll. What did it all mean?
Naturally, like any deranged fantasy football addict, I assumed the dream was forewarning of the impending injury wave set to billow down on all of my fantasy football teams in week 2. Turns out, I misinterpreted all the signs. The vehicle in my dream was actually my week two fantasy opponents, and the colossal wave was Nick Chubb demolishing them with his 22 carries for 124 yards, 1 catch for 9 yards and 2 touchdowns. Kareem Hunt dove into the storm too with 10 carries for 86 yards, 2 catches for 15 yards and 2 touchdowns of his own. I told you in my weekly Thursday Night Football predictions that Chubb would return to full mast . I missed on my prediction of Baker Mayfield leaving at half time to record Progressive commercials, but one for two isn’t bad. Hopefully no one freaked out and traded Chubb away for another, more flaccid back after his poor showing in week one. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Beckham’s down 2019 seems to be due to many factors. This includes injury, switching teams and poor coaching. Many of these things seem to be remedied as a healthy off-season, new coaching staff and continuity with Baker should help him improve in 2020. Last season while dealing with all those factors Odell had a tough schedule that included games vs. the NFC west and AFC east divisions that have many notable corners. Now Beckham has the best shadow coverage match-up schedule of any WR1 in 2020. Does this mean Beckham is primed to return to the top 12? Read why he is a lock to improve on his borderline low end WR2 finish from his 2019 campaign.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last year was the debut of the RazzBowl and it was objectively the best thing that happened in 2019. Like any good host, I took it easy on all of our industry guests (and a few lucky fans), bowing out in the first round of the year one playoffs. I’m not saying I threw the contest, but I could have won and instead I let Mike Beers of RotoViz win. Oh, that’s the exact definition of throwing it? Well, now the gloves are coming off in year two—at least until I have to go out to the grocery store. I ran out of disposable gloves week’s ago so now I’m digging into my supply of magnum condoms which I knew would eventually come in handy for something. If you missed out on this year’s RazzBowl, there’s still a couple ways to win your way into next years contest and compete against some of the biggest names in the fantasy industry. One of those ways is our NFFC Qualifier Money Leagues which has only a couple spots remaining, sign up here:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jarvis Landry was added to the PUP list on Sunday. Physically unable to perform? You and me both, Jarvis. When I’m not able to perform, I usually just stop at the gas station and…. oh.. I’m being told that my issues are different than the PUP list that Jarvis Landry is on. Well, I had a whole lot more to say on a different subject.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Deep in the hills of Los Angeles, there is a sacred space of learning that the kids call, “UCLA.” For those not familiar with the nature of university, it is like a bank where you can keep borrowing money no matter how bad your report card is. On the outskirts of UCLA, there is a junction where students spend their borrowed money. Hip shoppers stop at the Whole Foods, put their Chase Sapphire cards into a point-of-sale machine, and smile with maskless glee as the POS takes nine bucks from their account for a single watermelon. Across the street, there’s an In-N-Out, where students shout “ANIMAL STYLE” and wait for their slathered beef like it was the first co-ed on screen in a slasher film.
In the winter, the Rose Bowl celebrates the imagined paradise that is California: the orange groves, the rose gardens, the summer nights on the beach with a Mai Tai. The RazzBowl, however, celebrates the real paradise that is California: Raiders Chargers Rams greasy burgers and expensive watermelons. And just like your friends want you to come out for one more $15 Mai Tai before taking the Uber to your dad’s condo, the RazzBowl wants you on board for the wildest ride in fantasy football.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Since time immemorial tight ends have perplexed the world. We all know you want an end that’s tight, but how tight is too tight? The great Albert Einstein tackled this enigma with his theory of relativity, where he concluded Darren Waller epitomizes the perfect balance of tightness and plumpness in the end department. And who is Donkey Teeth to argue with genius Einstein? Waller’s an adonis of a man, and well endowed too.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Quarantine Day 27:
Hey all you cool cats and kittens. Did you see the story about the tiger at the Bronx Zoo that tested positive for coronavirus? Very sad. I blame Carole Baskin. Not just for the infection of this poor feline, but for the entire COVID debacle. Speaking of which, the CDC just released some new guidelines and in order to receive a COVID-19 test in the United States you must now meet at least one of these requirements:
b) Professional athlete (Major League Soccer doesn’t count)
c) Movie star (Porn does count)
d) Valued tiger at the zoo
And if you check all four boxes the CDC even throws in a free roll of TP. So far only one man has cashed in on that free roll of one-ply: my preferred 2020 presidential candidate, Darren Waller. Anyway, here’s my top 15 dynasty tight ends for 2020 fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?