If you’re reading this, congrats! You’re still playing meaningful games! Either you’re winning that consolation bracket to have your league’s #1 pick next year (who will it be? Todd Gurley? Saquon Barkley? New York Jet Le’Veon Bell?!) Or, since you’re a Razzball reader, you’re on the march towards ANOTHER championship title over your chump friends. Take a long look at your bench — are there any guys on there who have 0 starts for you, but you’re just remembering years past when they were productive? Stop trying to make fetch happen — cut ties and grab one of these guys below who are more likely than the name value players you’ve been holding on to and hoping they’ll perform.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Keke Coutee, 14.3%, vs TEN: Missing the past two weeks has helped Coutee’s ownership tumble to an affordable level for you. However, expect it to go back up after his 5 catch, 77 yard game against the Redskins in week 11. The injury to Will Fuller and the ineptitude of Demaryius Thomas has lead Coutee to become Deshaun Watson’s WR2. His week 12 opponent the Titans have allowed the 5th most fantasy points to WRs. They also helped T.Y. Hilton have the best game of his season catching 9 passes for 155 yards and 2 TDs. Imagine how much damage the Texans could do since they have two great WR weapons in Coutee and DeAndre Hopkins. His playoff weeks are pretty nice too. Week 14 maybe not so much — the Colts have been pretty solid against defending the pass. But week 15 he’ll face the Jets who’ve allowed the 4th most receiving yards to WRs and week 16 he gets the Eagles who’ve allowed the 2nd most receiving yards to WRs. Only one word for that…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

…Because I Always Welcome Another Thing to Disappoint Me.

Wait, we’re already rebooting Spiderman again? Oh, hey, quick question, anyone know who sponsored the SNF opening? Was it T-Mobile? Sprint maybe? Also, you should know that Von Miller was jumping with butt-flames before it was hip…

Welcome to what I call “Jay’s Review”… since, you know, I’m Jay, and this is my review of Week 1. Spoilier Alert! (That probably should have gone before the last sentence, but f*ck it, we’re doing it live!) For many of you who’ve been wandering around my Razzballs (haha, get it?) for the last four years, you’ve seen the site go through minute but incremental changes. Kinda like the world in general. So DEEP. And so this season, we’re bringing yet another minute and incremental change… If you hadn’t noticed, Matt Bowe led off the day with his take on what happened Sunday… you should check it out. I think it was a love letter to Kenny Golladay, but whatever. Having such an informative asset (potential double entendre alert!) in terms of both Football and Fantasy Football will allow me to spread my wings and fly. Right over to your mother’s house. It’s no secret that I like having a little fun… probably a little too much fun. For those of you who want deep analytics like how I want to watch Deep Impact over and over again (Armageddon is in my top-10, lest we all forget that asteroid movies are my fetish) and some usable fantasy information, Matt’s your guy. If you’d like to have a little fun with what happened Sunday, experience some jokes, watch some great plays in GIF form, create some hot takes, AND still enjoy some “measured” usable fantasy information, welcome to my club! We get spiffy hats. Just kidding. I just get the spiffy hats. TL;DR – Why so serious? See Matt! Want to see me in a spiffy hat? See me!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome back to this week’s “Depp Impact”, where we analyze famous Johnny Depp cameos and how they affected the films he appeared in. Let’s start with 21 Jump Street, a surprisingly funny romp in which Depp, wearing more prosthetics than an amputee convention, joined Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will instead be another Deep Impact, our weekly look at those options deep league players should be targeting. We’re entering the stretch run for drafting, so let’s take another look at some players you should be looking to scoop up in the last rounds before Week 1.

Hey speaking of drafts, there are still some spots left in our RCLs! Get in there quick before it fills up, so you can all compete for second place to yours truly. Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, let’s get to some names. Keeping with last week’s format, we’ll look at guys currently going after pick 180. If you’re only playing 10- or 12-team leagues, these players are at best people you should keep an eye out on. I caught flak in some corners of the internet last week for mentioning Jay Cutler’s name because mouthbreathers struggle with reading comprehension, and didn’t understand that if you’re late in the draft of a deep league, there is at least one glaring flaw causing these guys to be available…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re reading this column, one of the following things must be true:

A. You have a team in the championship game and are looking for an extra edge.

B. You’re trying to figure out how to play the DeMarco Murray situation.

C. You really love fantasy football.

D. Any combination of the above.

With it being championship week, there aren’t a whole lot of updates that can be made or waiver wire pickups. You should be in a position where your team got through the semifinals okay and you should be able to set your lineup now for the final. Keep in mind we have a Thursday night clunker (TEN vs JAX) and games on Saturday this week too (WSH-PHI; SF-SD), and that will play a little role in how you set things up.

Let’s see what we can figure out for those little extra boosts…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!

Please, blog, may I have some more?