I apologize for not being able to write an Ambulance Chasers last week — I was questionable going into Wednesday when I write this article, but it quickly turned to doubtful as the day went on. I tried going to my big boy job, but had to leave early Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I’m unfortunately and nerdily allergic to cough/cold medicines so every time I get sick it hits really hard and I just have to ride it out.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Although I want to say that I took a pounding this week, I am happy to say that it was not in Fantasy Football. Hey, you have your hobbies, and I have mine. Your Goddess went a respectable 4-1 this week, with that one loss being the sacrificial Razzball Contributor’s Black Widow League in which I opted to play the submissive, rather than the Dominatrix (I save that for my other leagues). Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and this time I opted to throw my body upon the pyre and only pick up those I write about in that league, so I can give you firsthand experience. Alas, that league is a pathetic 0-for and it really sticks in my throat since those of you who know me know that I hate to lose. So, I opt to drown out the memory with whiskey…lots and lots of whiskey.

The curse spared me this week. How did you fare? That being said, Leonard Fournette has been sitting deep in the closet in one of my leagues and I am dying to whip him out and have some fun. Only the Black Widow knows when and if that will happen. In the meantime, I am making due with the lovely specimens which are coming my way via my other leagues. Guys, look, I honestly take no pleasure in whipping the Holy sh** out of you in your leagues week after week, but it is what you pay for, and I am a woman of the people, so…Oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely LOVE beating the Holy sh** out of you week after glorious week. It does more for me than the array of toys in that special box under my bed, and that is really saying something.

Ok, I know, I seem to be rambling while I bask in the Week 6 slain carcasses which lay before me and you didn’t pay extra for the emasculation this week, so I will move on and get to what brought you here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Convicts and Perverts, your wait is over. I give you Week 7, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chris Godwin (vs CLE): All Chris Godwin has done is catch a TD in 4 of his 5 games this season and netted 13 points or more in all 4 of those games. There are a lot of hungry mouths in the Bucs receiving game, but with Jameis Winston back in the fold I can see all those baby birds getting fed by mama Winston especially against a Browns team that has surrendered the 5th most receiving yards.

O.J. Howard (vs CLE): Another mouth to feed in Tampa Bay? Yea, but Howard was well fed even before Winston’s return. In his last three games played he’s had 18 fantasy points, 13 fantasy points and 16 fantasy points respectively. Howard will continue to gobble up a decent amount of targets even against a Browns secondary that has been a little stingy to opposing TEs. Should I end this eating analogy now? OM NOM NOM!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While it is true that you cannot spell ‘elite’ without ‘eli’, we all know that Eli Manning is NOT elite. That was just atrocious to watch on a Thursday night. Pat Shurmur looked like he was going to kill somebody when Eli kept checking down to RB’s. But let’s move away from that atrocity of a game and focus on 4 games with some big fantasy implications this week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There is a recurring segment on my podcast, the A**hole of the Week. I encourage you to listen to the show for all the great information, but it’s really all about the a**hole of the week. So far we’ve had the referee who cost Michael Thomas and 80 yard touchdown, Petey Sunshine for toying with Chris Carson’s workload, Taylor Gabriel for running over a ball boy and standing over him, you get the picture.

I’m sure some of you probably would have called for Mason Crosby last week, but seeing as I’m a Bears fan, I enjoy watching the Packers suffer. I’m interested to hear who you would’ve picked as your a**hole of the week from week 5, and keep your eye out in week 6. The first quarterback streaming option could likely have taken this honor a number of times, but he’s likely the most talented quarterback available in most 10 and 12 team leagues still.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jameis Winston (@ ATL): Jameis Winston and a guy named Chester in the same article and I’m not making that the headline? I deserve some praise for my maturity. It’s already been reported that Winston will be QB1 in Atlanta in week 6. The Falcons are tied for second-most TD passes allowed and are 10th in passing yards allowed and have allowed 20+ fantasy points to their opposing QBs in 4 straight games now. Jameis is only 12.6% owned and just like with Baker Mayfield — he won’t be that available for long.

Please, blog, may I have some more?