Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

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Four more games left until most fantasy football playoffs begin. How are you looking? Playoff spot locked up or do you need to go on a run down the stretch?

Another quiet week, we avoided major injuries to our starting backs. Today, I’ll touch on a few handcuffs that are worth monitoring heading in to your playoffs.

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Donkey Teeth rediscovered gushers at Halloween and BraMy gushes about his love for rookie TE, Chris Herndon, on this Erection Day episode of the Ditka Pod. The guys also take a look at some Nick Chubb and Kenny Golladay film, sharing their analysis and expectations for both of these rising stars moving forward.

After the weekly LeVeon Bell check in (where BraMy continues to pray to Football Jesus for Bell’s return), your hosts then dive into a session of Buy the Sausage/Sell the Cheesehead/Hold the Ditka. Find out what to do with Tyler Boyd, Golden Tate, Amari Cooper and Cordarelle Patterson. The guys make 2 new stogie bets for the rest of the season. A battle of tight ends, Chris Herndon vs Kyle Rudolph; and they each take a running back for the Steelers. Suckle the sausage right here:

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faab-davante

FAAB waiver wire acquisitions time. These recommendations are ghoulish. Ghastly even. I hope you read my post from last week, because it was funny. I hope you did NOT follow the advice I was giving regarding Jay Ajayi because it was terrible. You might even say it was a disaster (believe me). It’s like a skeleton in my closet. I was lukewarm on Ajayi and I basically told a reader not to drop Isaiah Crowell for him, because it would be a “lateral move”. Yeah not so much. Well, we know he won’t continue to be that good. I’ve been led to believe 200 yard rushing games are rare. This week we  will consider Davante Adams, Cordarrelle Patterson, Chris Thompson and Alfred Blue, among others…

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Welcome back, my lovelies!  Here we are at Week 16 already!  Wow, this time has really flown by this season.  Okay, maybe not, but I was trying to be positive there for a second.  Let’s be honest, this Fantasy Football season has totally blown dead bunnies, with Week 15 being the worst of the worst, well, not for my “Black Widow” Curse anyway.  In that regard, Week 15 was like a feast fit for a King…or Queen in this respect.  My Fantasy Updates were popping up faster than Welker on Molly with one injury report after another.  Concussions and broken bones and severed spines, oh my!  I think my curse gained at least 1500 pounds on the man souls it managed to gorge on over the weekend.  And, like the true selfless beauty I am, I made sure it feasted on my own rosters, and not yours…well, not all of yours anyway.  I am a giver as much as a taker.  It’s all about balance.  Most of you are in the same position as me right now, and it is not a pretty one.  We are forced to look at fifth and sixth stringers and we’ve had to dig so deep in depth charts that we are close to striking oil or finding some old dinosaur bones or something.  Whatever it may be, one thing is for certain, fantasy football is a game of chance, plain and simple, just like dating.  So, let’s cruise the fantasy football version of match.com, see what rejects are left for us to pick up, so that we can continue to limp those hoopties into Week 16, and, by the grace of God, possibly a playoff victory.  Get in, sit down, strap up, and hold on, my lovelies, it’s time for Hit it or Quit it, Week 16.

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Well, well, well, here we are again my lovelies, trudging on into Week 11 of the 2014 Fantasy Football season.  As we near the playoffs, one thing is certain, our hooptied rosters are still plugging along like the good jalopies they are, and the Dominatrix-style punishments we endure week after week are nearing an end.  Thankfully, unlike that Dominatrix, some of you don’t have to pay for this punishment, but unfortunately, there is no safe word.  So take it like the good sex slaves you are.  On another note, the Fantasy Gods have been generous with yours truly this past week, as I managed to squeeze out a solid 4-2 with my teams.  Hell, even the stalker living in the bushes outside of my house has started to watch me sleeping through my window at night again.  Ah, yes, all feels right with the universe.  It is probably because I am completely and utterly satiated on the man souls my “Black Widow Curse” claimed this past week.  Hey, Hall and Oates warned you… “watch out boys, she’ll chew you up.”  All this time I have been fighting it, but in reality, giving in and embracing it for all of its man-soul chewing glory satisfies me more than any piece of chocolate, depraved sexual fantasy of Jordan Cameron ever has.  So, as we march ever onward, follow me, my lovelies, into Week 11’s episode of Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?