Regretfully I am back stateside after traveling to Curacao last week. If you enjoy traveling I would highly recommend checking out the island. It didn’t take long for the afterglow of the trip to wear off though, I had to fly home with a slight cold. It’s safe to say that I will never get irritated at screaming children on a airplane again. I thought my ears were going to explode. As I stepped off the plane I noticed that my ears were completely blocked. Despite this, I managed to make it through immigration and TSA to catch my connecting flight, only to go through the process of having my eardrums almost burst once more. It took a full week for my hearing to come back, but during that time I was able to catch up on week 2 and 3 and now I am back to help you with your Dynasty teams.

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We have two new starting quarterbacks this week and we really only wanted to see one of them. Am I complaining about the Giants benching Eli? No. Eli hasn’t played well for a while and Evan Engram and co. dropping easy passes isn’t doing him any favors either. I would be more excited about the Jimmy Garappolo roll out if Pierre Garcon was healthy. Marquise Goodwin isn’t enough for Garappolo to be a fantasy relevant quarterback this season. Although, if Garappolo is able to open things up and move the ball a little bit I think that it helps Carlos Hyde find the end zone a little easier…

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In my Saturday Start/Sit article I prepared you for an onslaught of Seinfeld references: “I like Nathan Peterman as a deep option and you’ll find him in my waiver column on Tuesday. And there will definitely be plenty of J. Peterman references. Teasers!” I regret to inform you that after N. Peterman’s embarrassing display on Sunday, there will be no Seinfeld bits in this article. I don’t know what convinced Bills head coach Sean McDermott to bench Tyrod Taylor for Peterman, but one of the competing theories is that he’s under the influence of narcotics. That’s right: white lotus, yam-yam, Shanghai Sally. 

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Welcome to another edition of Jay’s (hey, that’s me!) Review of all things Week 2. Except for Monday Night Football, just as bad as Thursday Night Football, but now without Chris Berman. So slightly better. Maybe. Who knows actually? I’m just waiting for when the NFL figures out how to have a game on every night and additionally draw out the NFL Draft for entire offseason. You think it might not happen, but Roger Goodell is already telling Robert Kraft to hold his beer (usually it’s his penis). So yeah, that was basically me saying that MNF is too late for this existential journey, maaaan. And sure, what I just typed may have come off as sassy, but that’s only because MB RSVP’d (so many acronyms, so little time!) probably the best GIF from Week 2 with the Lynch Safety Dance. You probably only understood that reference if you’re a member of AARP, but hey, on the bright side, more acronym dropping. So instead, I have chosen Todd Gurley to shine my light upon with the utmost care and love. Which is what I also refer to as a boner. And behold above, if that GIF doesn’t turn you on, I don’t want to be off. I feel like this could be the new Dyson’s vacuum cleaner slogan. Or the first last line I’ll ever say to a first last date. The possibilities are endless, just like a world with a functioning Todd Gurley. Is he back? (Maybe?) Was he ever gone? (Yeah.) (Vague) Answers to these questions and your usual daily allotment of hot takes, yokes (jokes in egg form, or I guess I could have just corrected the typo instead of typing this long sentence out… wait, am I still typing?), and your Week 2 Top Plays in GIF form are all after the jump!

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Well, that was… something.  Not a really exciting day, right? We waited months and months for three players to go over 100 yards receiving today and only two rushers to go over 100 yards as well.  We had a game in Green Bay where there should have been 800 points scored but neither team could get to 20.

Welcome to my weekly recap of the action we saw on Sunday.  So, I physically can’t watch every play of all 12 or 13 games that go on during the afternoon, but I do watch about 6.5 hours of Redzone every Sunday, so you could say that me and Andrew Siciliano are kind of a thing.  I’ll let you know how I interpret things that I see watching live and what I see in the box score.  I’m not going to bore you with paragraphs upon paragraphs on each game but, I assure you that you will know the trends that you need to know to make decisions for your lineup the next coming week.  Let’s start with the most exciting game from a fantasy stand point…

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Hello everyone, and welcome to another post in our Razzball Divison Preview series. Today I’m taking a look at the NFC North, which, in my opinion, is one of the most interesting divisions in fantasy this year. There are so many storylines and moves that occurred over the offseason that have made this division incredibly relevant fantasy-wise (not that it hasn’t been in the past though). This could either be a great division, or a frustrating one, but we’ll have to see how it shakes out during the regular season itself. But we can’t wait forever, right? So let’s get started now and talk about these four interesting teams.

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“Alexa, what’s the weather like in Buffalo?” “Look outside moron.”

The great leader has spoken and global warming has been confirmed a hoax. I mean, with this much cold weather, how can the Earth be warming? It’s like, if the ice is melting, just get out the bourbon and more ice and enjoy the free air conditioning, maaaan. And if it is snow (prove it!), that’s fine too. I mean, if we can’t have the Game of Thrones premier until next summer, then lets bring it right to Buffalo, am I right? It just makes so much sense, kinda like how Ian Eagle should do play-by-play for porn. But if it isn’t snow (believe it!), we must accept that it’s either massive amounts of cocaine (settle down Michael Irvin, settle down) or the salt of dried tears from all the Julio Jones and Melvin Gordon owners out there. It’s okay, it’s totally normal to end your Fantasy Season like this. I read that on Facebook, the bastion of legitimate news, so I know it’s true. But don’t worry, if you’re looking for a distraction in a post-fantasy football world, or you need something to do the next four years, keep in mind that anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough…

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Greetings! Loyal subjects, it brings me great honor to join you for another week where we can discuss the state of your fantasy football team while also throwing out guesses as to whom, between Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage, is packing the bigger papaya. Gotta be Cage, right? Anywhoosers, I had an absolutely stupendous time at the Seahawks game this weekend. Destroying the team that represents perennial losers like Meek Mill and the 76ers created immense joy inside of my once empty soul. However, I did stop at Buffalo Wild Wings on the way to Beddict Manor, as it’s where I met one of the friends of mine I took to the game. The food there is beyond godawful and I have absolutely no idea how this restaurant got so big. You’re telling me that no other company could create a similar sports bar (i.e. just a bunch of TVs), with EDIBLE food and waiters who aren’t high out of their minds? I haven’t been to Hooters in like five years but, oh ho-ho, that succulent meat is calling my name. Did you think I was talking about their chicken wings? That’s a negative, Ghostrider. Anyone been to Twin Peaks? There’s one close by and I’m highly intrigued. Let’s chat later about it.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

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