Quarantine Day 11:
2-ply is but a distant dream. We’re in the endgame now: poop showers.
The average American 401k value has sunken below my prized Ryan Leaf card collection. And even worse, Belgium has, “outlawed non-essential indoor sexual activity of three people or more.” The horror! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Two weeks ago I detailed my elaborate self-quarantine plans in the top 40 dynasty running backs post. Unfortunately, we’ve finally reached the tipping point here in the United States. Now I’m in day 3 of self-quarantine, doing my part to help “flatten the curve” and protect our healthcare system. But don’t even think about asking for any of my lotion stockpile, you should’ve taken heed to my warning two weeks back. I have countless hours of dynasty rosterbation ahead. On a related note, can someone please explain why people are buying up all the toilet paper, yet baby wipes are still fully stocked? Are people unfamiliar with the miracle of baby wipes? Anyway, while you’re bored in isolation, take a look at all of our dynasty and rookie rankings for 2020 fantasy football. I went over the top 20 dynasty wide receivers last week, now on to the top 40 dynasty wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football: Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are three weeks removed from the Super Bowl and sprinting down the stretch of the college basketball season and fantasy baseball draft season is starting to take form for most. But fantasy football is a 12 month per year sport. I’ve already drafted a start up dynasty team this off season and can’t wait for free agency, the combine and the draft. We have a ton of NFL draft content on the site for you to sort through and there is plenty more to come.
The wide receiver position had some great break out performances this season and also some disappointment at the top of the fantasy draft board. Some of the guys that we are accustomed to didn’t live up to their draft day price, while a few of the players that had preseason hype of a discounted price lived up to their potential. Just like we do every season, we had an unexpected breakout from a player that nobody was talking about. And in 2019, that player was D.J. Chark. Chark did have a few outlier games, but one of the more impressive parts of his season was the consistency of his stats. It didn’t matter who was taking snaps under center. Chark went from a fantasy waiver wire pick up to a guy that caught 73 balls for over 1,000 yards and 8 touchdowns. Let’s break down the 2019 wide receiver leader board based on a few key stats. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked. Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.
A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.
So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues: Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week I went over the top 25 for 2020 dynasty football. I’m still reeling from the harassment my Kerryon Johnson ranking provoked, yet the show must go on. But first, to answer a few questions from the audience regarding my top 25: Yes, I am an idiot; No, Joe Mixon did not kick my puppy; Yes, Kerryon Johnson is my cousin; And no, I’m not involved in a sexual relationship with my cousin, Kerryon Johnson. Anyway, today I’ll take a break from the intensive Peyronie’s Disease treatment I’m now receiving and go over the top 50 for 2020 dynasty football PPR leagues: Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the final week of the 2019 fantasy season upon us, we’ve got a shortened Ambulance Chasers column, due to the fact that there aren’t a lot of fantasy-relevant players still left, with many teams out of contention, and therefore, a lot of players out of contention too. While we’ve only got to focus on a handful amount of players left, there are a few trouble spots that we should be aware of…
So let’s dive right into it. Please, blog, may I have some more?
So you’ve made it to the penultimate checkpoint before glory. Set up camp, rest your joints and have a good night’s sleep. Things only get more difficult from here. The rations are all used up, we’re all running on pocket lint and snow, and no one feels bad for your FLEX options. It’s the playoffs, kill or be killed, there is no tomorrow, survive and advance and all that. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Antonio Brown lit up his former team the Oakland Raiders this week, going off for 5 catches for 153 yards and 2 touchdowns as he fully delivered on his 2nd round fantasy-draft-price-tag. And just when his owners needed him most. He also chipped in 1 carry for 13 yards and he didn’t even fart in anyone’s face in the locker room after the win. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound like the AB I know. *checks notes* Ahhhh this was A.J. Brown, not Antonio Brown! My bad, honest mistake. The Titans 2nd round rookie out of Mississippi, A.J. Brown, now has 6 touchdowns and three 100+ yard games on the season. Can I just draft the entire 2019 rookie receiver class on all of my teams next year? Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday afternoons’ games for fantasy football: Please, blog, may I have some more?
A quick google search tells me there’s only three predators capable of killing a Jaguar. The first is the anaconda—that big ass snake from the Jon Voight movie. The second is the caiman—these little gator looking guys in Mexico and South America. And the third, of course, is Derrick Henry—which makes sense because he looks a lot like a Predator. In week 13 last year, Henry took 17 carries for 238 yards and 4 touchdowns. I remember that game well because I was required to attend a 2.5 hour holiday lights trolley tour on that Thursday night which, to my surprise, turned out to be much more pleasant than watching Derrick Henry destroy my fantasy hopes and dreams before the week even started. Fast forward around 12 months, if you were playing against The Predator this week then I hope you also had a long Sunday afternoon holiday light trolley tour to attend. Henry rumbled for 159 yards on 19 carries plus another 16 yards on 1 reception and 2 touchdowns—he has 10 touchdowns on the season and is now under protest by PETA for his crimes against Jaguars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football: Please, blog, may I have some more?
Rudy Gamble joins the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast once again this week to discuss his potential ’80s comedy career and his rest of season projections. Rudy discusses some challenges he faces projecting for the remainder of the season and some recent tweaks he has made to his rest of season projections formula.
The chat about valuing D.J. Chark, D.J. Moore, Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt, Josh Jacobs, Christian McCaffrey, David Johnson and Kenyan Drake for the remainder of the season. Rudy also discusses the RazzBowl playoffs where he and Donkey Teeth are duking it in the RazzBowl Wildcard Bracket, while facing some major bye week challenges. Catch all of this and much more on this week’s special guest episode of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast! Please, blog, may I have some more?