When my wife and I first moved in together, she wasn’t really into football but it was my Sunday ritual. The house we lived in wasn’t really big so it was either watch football with me or hang out in the bedroom all day if the weather was crappy. The weather is often crappy during football season around these parts. If you can’t beat ’em join ’em right? But first she needed a team and my favorite team is not great. 

We were watching Monday night football together one time and my Buccaneers were playing the Carolina Panthers. This was the first time she truly enjoyed football and a lot of it was at my expense. She fell in love with Cam Newton. The confidence, the swagger, the first down and touchdown celebrations, the absolute ass kicking that he was putting on the Buccaneers. By the end of the game, she decided that she was a Panthers fan. And she watched them every week from there on out. If the Buccaneers were on in the living room, she turned the game on on the laptop. If there was a story about Luke Kuechly or Jonathan Stewart or whoever, we would talk about it and it was a fun couple of years. Soon enough, the roster changed, Cam couldn’t stay healthy, and she lost interest in football. I think the heartbreak of losing a Super Bowl had a lot to do with it. 

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So a couple days ago you checked out my updated Kerryon Johnson rankings, I mean my updated dynasty running back rankings, and you avoided smashing your computer in disgust? I’m impressed! Now just wait til you see how high I’ve ranked Kerryon in my updated dynasty wide receiver rankings. I can’t help it, I love Johnson’s. And football players with the last name Johnson. Alright, enough Johnson talk (no such thing), here’s my updated top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR dynasty football leagues:

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As I crawled through the desert wearing my backpack filled to the brim with toilet paper and various lotions, dying of sports thirst, a small rain drop landed squarely on my nose. The NFL players narrowly approved a new collective bargaining agreement Saturday night, lengthening the season by one game and expanding the playoffs to 14 teams; the rain drop for which I’d been longing. Then on Monday, the flood gates opened with a downpour of high profile free agent signings, trades and franchise taggings on the first day of legal tampering. 

Lightning struck when then Texans inexplicably handed DeAndre Hopkins and a 2021 4th rounder over to the Cardinals in exchange for David Johnson, a 2nd round draft pick and a 2020 4th rounder. The amount of hand sanitizer included in the deal was not disclosed, but my sources tell me at least three ounces of Purell headed back to Houston. The echo chamber seems to believe this move will have a decidedly negative affect on Nuk’s fantasy value, but I’m rose-colored in my year two outlook for the Kliff Kingsbury/Kyler Murray show. If he’s a mid to late 2nd round fantasy pick this year, I’ll dhop all over him.

Later the thunder rumbled as Stefon Diggs was dealt with a 2020 7th rounder to the Bills in exchange for pick #22, their 2020 5th, 2020 6th and 2021 4th rounder. I’ve seen many folks say this was a terrible deal for the Bills, but if you toss the 26 year old Diggs into this draft class he’d go top 10, right? And he’s signed to a reasonably team friendly deal thru 2023. Change of scenery may be just what Diggs needed. I’ll be buying again in 2020 and bumping Josh Allen up my board as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy football during this already crazy coronavirus-filled NFL offseason:  

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Socrates once said, “True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing.” But if I know that I know nothing then isn’t that knowing something? What then? I’m already confused! What we can all agree on, based on my #9 ranking of Kerryon Johnson in my top 20 dynasty running backs, is that I’m a huge idiot AND I know nothing. Unless of course Kerryon happens to be a 22 year old fantasy RB1 this season. Then I’m just a regular size idiot because Juju Smith-Schuster has been omitted from my top 20 dynasty wide receivers. If somehow you resisted the urge to throw your computer against the wall in outrage at this news, then use that computer to take a look at the rest of our dynasty and rookie rankings for 2020 fantasy football. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR dynasty football: 

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Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

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I was watching NFL Network Sunday morning and a commercial came on that made me double take:

That’s right, there’s a curved erection epidemic running rampant in America! This advertisement created more questions than answers. First, what are the scientific qualifications for a shaft to earn the “diseased” label? Are we talking right angles or a bit more obtuse? Is there a special penis protractor to measure the exact angles? And what’s the treatment plan for this condition? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. But I am curious, who was this Peyronie guy? Whoever he was, thanks to him, the family name will forever go down as the crooked erection guys. The point is, no matter how terrible your fantasy football team was this season, things could be worse. You could be watching targeted erectile deformity ads on Sunday mornings. Even if you just got done searching Amazon for a penis protractor, at least the curved dong disease wasn’t named after you. And there’s always next year! So let’s all zip up our pants and shift our attention over to my early 2020 top 100 dynasty football PPR rankings which will be released into your veins–arm veins– via four-part slow drip: 

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Fantasy football is a tough game. In my opinion, the main reason is that player values change massively week to week in unpredictable ways. These things happen in baseball and basketball, but not nearly at the volume or frequency. There is no greater example of this in 2019 than Zach Ertz. During the pre-season Ertz was an obvious overvalue in the 3rd round.

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One of the struggles with using data in the NFL is that there are so few trials in order to get a good perception of what a team or player truly is. In the early portion of the season you must sort through the information that you have and constantly cross check to ensure that there isn’t any noise (schedule, injury, etc) in the data that you are attempting to use. Therefore, I’ve always enjoyed the back half of the season. There are more pieces to put together to tell a story of what is going to happen on a Sunday slate. I’ve nailed down some edges below that I’m hoping you can use to propel you into the season long playoffs, or get to the top of the DFS leaderboard.

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Rudy Gamble joins the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast once again this week to discuss his potential ’80s comedy career and his rest of season projections. Rudy discusses some challenges he faces projecting for the remainder of the season and some recent tweaks he has made to his rest of season projections formula.

The chat about valuing D.J. Chark, D.J. Moore, Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt, Josh Jacobs, Christian McCaffrey, David Johnson and Kenyan Drake for the remainder of the season. Rudy also discusses the RazzBowl playoffs where he and Donkey Teeth are duking it in the RazzBowl Wildcard Bracket, while facing some major bye week challenges. Catch all of this and much more on this week’s special guest episode of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast!
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