Borat 2, the presidential debate and Thursday Night Football. What do they all have in common? Young girls. We have Rudy G trying to bang a very young woman (allegedly) in Borat 2. We have two 70 year old men bickering like school girls during the presidential debates—no offense to our two school girl readers. And then we have two quarterbacks throwing footballs like little ladies on TNF, or so we expected. But Carson Wentz wasn’t feeling much like a sissy man against the Giants defense, going 25/43 for 359 yards, 7 carries for 14 yards, 2 passing touchdowns, 1 rushing touchdown and 1 interception—he now has 10 passing touchdowns and 5 rushing touchdowns on the season. Pigskinonator saw this huge game coming when nobody else did, ranking Wentz as its #7 QB compared to the FantasyPros expert consensus ranking of #16. The pig-bot is really starting to heat up now that it has more data and extra slop to chew on. Sign up now for a 3-day free trial! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to another trek to the highest peak. If you followed me last year, you’ll know that I am going to be your guide through this fantasy season. The first checkpoint in 2020 feels like the 50th as we have all already weathered a storm much more dangerous than fantasy football. However, we’re here now and ready to work. 

Take a sip of your morning coffee, brewed extra strong for the journey ahead. Week 1 is behind us and now there is much work to be done. I will group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. You’ll also be able to tell who is more valuable by the free agent acquisition budget (FAAB) suggestion, assuming a $100 budget. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 33% of ESPN leagues. DISCLAIMER – at press time Tennessee and Denver had not kicked off yet. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The NFL COVID opt out deadline passed last week and it was more uneventful than my high school social life. On the offensive side of the ball, we lost a handful of o-linemen and a few dart throw wide receivers, but the only big news was Chiefs running back Damien Williams taking a passing on the 2020 season. This opens the door for first round rookie Clyde Edwards-Helaire to take on a much larger workload and jump into the top 10 running backs, which have been updated accordingly. As Rudy Gamble so eloquently put it, the early season CEH overdrafters are sooooo lucky! In other news, Razzball offered me a voucher for a free oil change at Cledus’s Auto Salvage if I opt of out of writing this year. Still thinking the deal over as the deadline approaches, but in the meantime, here’s my top 20 tight ends for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before we dive into the article, I’d like to promote DonkeyTeeth and my YouTube show: Fantasy Football Malpractice! We talk about all things fantasy football, from trade theory to our favorite player we’ve ever rostered. Give it a test run, and then subscribe to the channel for more goodness in the weeks to come! 

What is Daily Fantasy Sports (DFS)?

The DFS game is a one week fantasy contest where players create rosters (typically via a salary cap) to score points for one week. Once the week is over, everything is wiped clean and a new slate of choices and salaries are available for the next week. DFS enthusiasts pour their entire week of research into specific edges that only pertain to a single matchup. Draft Kings and FanDuel are the main platforms that have become very popular over the last few years. With this growth, many fantasy sites have created specialized DFS content.

As the daily industry has expanded, more “traditional” sites are adding DFS columns and other content. If you have never made a DFS lineup in your life but play season long fantasy, you should still be using DFS information to cherry pick available players for little to no cost on the wire. 

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In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

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Quarantine Day 27:

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. Did you see the story about the tiger at the Bronx Zoo that tested positive for coronavirus? Very sad. I blame Carole Baskin. Not just for the infection of this poor feline, but for the entire COVID debacle. Speaking of which, the CDC just released some new guidelines and in order to receive a COVID-19 test in the United States you must now meet at least one of these requirements:

     a) Politician

     b) Professional athlete (Major League Soccer doesn’t count)

     c) Movie star (Porn does count)

     d) Valued tiger at the zoo

And if you check all four boxes the CDC even throws in a free roll of TP. So far only one man has cashed in on that free roll of one-ply: my preferred 2020 presidential candidate, Darren Waller. Anyway, here’s my top 15 dynasty tight ends for 2020 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember in The Hangover when Alan started out as a one-man wolf pack? Then his sister brought Doug home and his wolf pack grew to two. Later Doug introduced Alan to Phil and Stu. And Alan found himself in a four-man wolf pack; four wolves running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.

Zach Ertz reminds me of lone-wolf Alan. In 2016 Ertz’s sister—Doug Pederson—brought home Carson Wentz and introduced the young QB to Ertz. And Ertz’s wolf pack grew from one to two. Then along came Dallas Goedert in 2018, and it became a three man wolf pack; three wolves running around Philadelphia together, looking for Cheesesteaks, strippers and cocaine.

But younger wolves in a pack never have quite the same connection as the original wolves. They have to work hard to prove themselves to the pack and gain their trust; even if they’re much more gifted at finding strippers and cocaine than some of the older wolves. And such is the life of Dallas Goedert.   

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While B_Don continues his trek across Europe, Donkey Teeth is joined by another special RazzBowl guest: Heath Cummings of CBS Sports. Heath elaborates on his self proclaimed “terrible draft strategy”, his improbable RazzBowl title run and his dream of taking the fabled RazzBowl Trophy out to a nice candlelight dinner at his favorite pub. The guys also discuss the future of several players from Heath’s team including Lamar Jackson, Rashaad Penny, Zach Ertz, Dallas Goedert and Tevin Coleman.

Then in the pickups segment, Cummings tears apart Donkey’s top 5 pickups for week 14. These recommendations include Darwin Thompson, Raheem Mostert, Patrick Laird, Jordan Wilkins and Anthony Miller. Heath and DT also chat about a few deep league options like Myles Gaskin, Zay Jones, Russell Gage, Jakobi Meyers and Pharoh Cooper before Donkey heads off to have his teeth taken care of at the dentist.

Please, blog, may I have some more?