Two weeks ago I detailed my elaborate self-quarantine plans in the top 40 dynasty running backs post. Unfortunately, we’ve finally reached the tipping point here in the United States. Now I’m in day 3 of self-quarantine, doing my part to help “flatten the curve” and protect our healthcare system. But don’t even think about asking for any of my lotion stockpile, you should’ve taken heed to my warning two weeks back. I have countless hours of dynasty rosterbation ahead. On a related note, can someone please explain why people are buying up all the toilet paper, yet baby wipes are still fully stocked? Are people unfamiliar with the miracle of baby wipes? Anyway, while you’re bored in isolation, take a look at all of our dynasty and rookie rankings for 2020 fantasy football. I went over the top 20 dynasty wide receivers last week, now on to the top 40 dynasty wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked. Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.
A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.
So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week I went over the top 25 for 2020 dynasty football. I’m still reeling from the harassment my Kerryon Johnson ranking provoked, yet the show must go on. But first, to answer a few questions from the audience regarding my top 25: Yes, I am an idiot; No, Joe Mixon did not kick my puppy; Yes, Kerryon Johnson is my cousin; And no, I’m not involved in a sexual relationship with my cousin, Kerryon Johnson. Anyway, today I’ll take a break from the intensive Peyronie’s Disease treatment I’m now receiving and go over the top 50 for 2020 dynasty football PPR leagues:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the start of the fantasy playoffs already underway, we’ve got a bunch of players in prime spots to help us get to next Sunday. Now is not the time to get cute with our lineup decisions, we’ve got to make accurate and educated moves to help us advance.
We’ve got to dance with who brought us here, so let’s bust some moves.
Let’s get into this week’s Starts and Sits.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are now just one week away from the fantasy playoffs, and while he struggle for the final few spots in our league’s playoff brackets, many NFL teams are also having to mount some serious playoff pushes if they hope to be playing football in January and February this season. One team in particular will prepare to get into a divisional race against some familiar foes as they prepare to head to Miami, Florida in one of the best offensive matchups of the week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
A quick google search tells me there’s only three predators capable of killing a Jaguar. The first is the anaconda—that big ass snake from the Jon Voight movie. The second is the caiman—these little gator looking guys in Mexico and South America. And the third, of course, is Derrick Henry—which makes sense because he looks a lot like a Predator. In week 13 last year, Henry took 17 carries for 238 yards and 4 touchdowns. I remember that game well because I was required to attend a 2.5 hour holiday lights trolley tour on that Thursday night which, to my surprise, turned out to be much more pleasant than watching Derrick Henry destroy my fantasy hopes and dreams before the week even started. Fast forward around 12 months, if you were playing against The Predator this week then I hope you also had a long Sunday afternoon holiday light trolley tour to attend. Henry rumbled for 159 yards on 19 carries plus another 16 yards on 1 reception and 2 touchdowns—he has 10 touchdowns on the season and is now under protest by PETA for his crimes against Jaguars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m starting this on a Friday night, which is the beginning of my 9 day vacation from my day job. I take Thanksgiving week off every year because it only costs 3 vacation days to get 9 days off. Can’t beat that. Anyways, week 12 is upon us so let’s see what we have on the slate.
The Giants will visit Soldier Field to take on the Bears who are just trying to get to .500 to save face. They probably aren’t making the playoffs and they don’t have a 1st round pick this year. The Broncos will face off against the Bills and the Broncos are many people’s upset pick of the week. The Raiders will travel across the country to take on the Jets before facing the Chiefs next week for control of the AFC West. The Seahawks are coming off of their bye and will face a feisty Eagles team that is trying to stay in the NFC playoff hunt. The Cowboys are visiting the Patriots and this will be the matchup that most of America would rather see neither team win. And the night cap is a good one as we see Aaron Rodgers coming home (where he grew up) to take on the 49ers for NFC supremacy. Let’s get to the week 12 injuries before we get to the updated rankings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jon Gruden was mocked and ridiculed in his first year and a half on the job with the Oakland Raiders. He was crucified for trading Kahlil Mack. Internet experts stated he couldn’t adapt to the modern game as he went 4-12 in 2018. He was taunted for his quirks on Hard Knocks and being played by Antonio Brown.Please, blog, may I have some more?
A hand injury has taken Marlon Mack from us too soon and now we’re left to choose between three backups. Oh joy. It’s like this the rest of the way as I said last week; the big add will usually be injury-related so it was advisable to begin adding solid backups…but 0% owned Jonathan Williams? Did not seem him there. Brian Hill was in a similar position last week, cost a lot and then he gave us 15 carries for 30 yards. It happens and I’m not out on Hill yet. Same rule applies to JWill as Brian Hill last week; if you want him he’s going to cost you.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Can you see it? Through fuzzy flurries of snow occasionally it comes into view, the summit just to the west. If you can see that peak, then it means our own destination is approaching! The blood courses through our veins as we tighten up our packs and clean up camp. Only 2 weeks stand between us and the promised land of the playoffs.Please, blog, may I have some more?