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Dustin Keller

The Guru

Jam it or Cram it: Starks Raving Mad – The Bizarro World Edition

September 17, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 126 Comments

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Week 2 of the NFL season was like a visit to Bizarro World in the old Superman comics or, for those not comically inclined, the Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets Bizarro Jerry. She had man hands! Those not familiar with the term please note what the scholarly website Uncyclopedia says: “Bizarro World is a situation or setting which is weirdly inverted or opposite of expectations.” In Bizarro World, Bizarro Budweiser tastes like Heineken, Bizarro KFC is made from real live chickens and Bizarro Tim Tebow is a right-handed-pot smoking-antichrist that actually completes passes. What in the name of Lex Luther occurred in our Bizarro Fantasy Football World last week? Philip Rivers played like a de-bearded Dan Fouts, Eddie Royal was catching passes like a goggleless John Jefferson and James Starks morphed into Paul Hornung on a hot streak. If you suffered through an unearthly Sunday, you’re not alone. Half of the top 6 fantasy scorers last week are less than 50% owned across most leagues. If you were one of the 2% that started Charles Clay on Sunday, I surrender my turban to you. Maybe you should be writing this, Bizarro Guru. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Preseason-palooza: Attack Of The Keller Knees

August 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 57 Comments

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When Dustin Keller entered the free agent market this off-season, he’d just come off a terrible season with the New York Jest which is a statement that could be said about any NYJ from 2012. With that, he decided to hit the FA market with the intent of improving his stock via a 1 year deal. To prove he was worth the money and after a great start to the preseason, there was much promise. And then versus the Texans that knee of his went…well, it went the wrong way. Like every which way that was the wrong way. I’m not linking to that image cuz it’s nasty and exactly why he not only has a torn ACL, PCL and MCL but has a dislocated knee to boot. It was ugly, people, but thankfully I only have to talk about the fantasy implications of it. Keller looked like he was well suited for the Dolphins passing attack throughout the preseason and was looking more and more to be a great target for up and comer Ryan Tannehill. Though it won’t affect my Rankings outside of Keller dropping out, I do get a little worried about who that third target for Ryan is going to be. Young QB with a security blanket to throw to is always nice, especially when it’s a decent option like Keller. Overall, it might increase targets for guys like Gibson but I wouldn’t call that a plus. Oh and no, don’t even ask if Charles Clay is a pickup since he’s, ya know, Charles Clay. You’re better then that and you know it. In other preseason news for 2013 Fantasy Football…we interrupt this ellipses to bring you an important announcement: we still need you – and yes I mean YOU. Not that other guy/girl you say to yourself will do it – to create/join some Razzball Commenter Leagues. See that hyperlink? It whisks you away to a special place where it tells you not only how to set up the league but what the Grand Prize is for the winner. Yes, there’s a prize so go pretend that link is a box of Lucky Charms and you’re trying to get the decoder ring out of it…or something. Just click on it! Alright, enough pandering, let’s get back to the show…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Top 20 Tight Ends, 2013 Fantasy Football

June 21, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings | 48 Comments

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Well, we’ve gone through just about every type of 20 there is this week. We’ve brought you the Top 20 Quarterbacks, Running Backs, and Wide Receivers and now we’re here to talk about Tight Ends for our 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings. On the one hand, the position is deep. On the other hand, there’s really only two ringers in the bunch that will outpace their TE compadres by enough that you’ll truly notice. On the third hand which is actually just a cut out of the Hamburger Helper that I’ve glued to my shirt, Tight End is the position just behind QB on which I’m going to say do not take a top one unless they fall to you in the draft. It’s a position that had a few surprises last year that crept into the top 10 and I fully expect the same to happen this year for various reasons. In shallow enough leagues, I’m going to be very tempted to stream them as needed until it proves I have a keeper or until someone notices it and starts hoarding guys like Marcedes Lewis. At that point, it’s clear I’ve done my job: made someone done lose their minds. But that’s my approach and not what this is all about. This is the Top 20 Tight Ends for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Sky

Greg Jennings Heads A Little Farther Norse, Joins Vikings

March 18, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 12 Comments

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It seems like the more we see of Greg Jennings in the media, the less news there actually is about him concerning football. Last year his owners got to see his believe in your smellf campaign more than they got to see him on the football field as he only played in 8 games in 2012. It was like the exact oppostite of Bader-Meinhoff Syndrome (real thing) as his owners started a Go F@#$ Your Smellf campaign (not a real thing) in protest of his absence. Then at the start of free agency and even leading up to it, Greg Jennings talking on ESPN was more commonplace than Greg Jennings actually signing as it took until most of the rumored suitors had moved on with another player before he ‘picked’ the Vikings for a 5 year deal. Honestly, this was a desperation play on both sides that could benefit the fantasy community quite handsomely. You see, for all the issues with how bad Ponder was last year – and yes make no mistake he was bad and not in a Michael Jackson sort of way – he still produced a top ten caliber wide out before Percy Harvin got hurt and then moved on to the double entendre ‘Evergreen State’ this off-season. There’s no reason to think Jennings can’t still hold value without Aaron Rodgers at the helm. Of course, there IS a question of whether or not he can stay healthy enough to produce as he’s only played 21 games in the last two seasons. In a way too early way to evaluate things, Jennings is looking like a 6th round pick right now and the 27th wide receiver off the board and this is before many mocks have happened with the new locale for him. Something tells me Greg is going to keep slipping which should create a reasonable value when considering volume being a factor. Before losing Harvin to injury, 36% of Ponder’s completions went to Percy. To put that in perspective, of Stafford’s 435 completions, 25% went to Calvin Johnson. Being a big fish in a little pond is a huge boon to fantasy value even if the pond is covered in algae and has the local sewage run-off going into it. If Jennings can stay healthy, he’s going to reward his owners with a WR2 season for a fraction of the cost. Sleeper potential is high here.

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Sky

Turkey Night Football: Three Servings Of Football To Be Thankful For

November 23, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 16 Comments

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I don’t know about you, but when I think of Thanksgiving, I think of glazed ham. I think of candied yams sometimes with and sometimes without marshmallows. I think about green bean casseroles and cranberry sauce. I don’t care if it’s homemade or if I can slice a piece of that gelatinous goodness off the […]

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Sky

Weekly Rankings: The One Where The Red Rocket Gets To Stuff The Raiders Turkey

November 22, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, 2012 Fantasy Football Weekly Rankings | 62 Comments

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It’s Thanksgiving today.  It’s a time of year where we get together with family members, pretend we like their company for as long as we can stand them and then run away as fast as possible to the television once dinner is done to catch some NFL action, hopefully with a beer in hand…oh, that’s just […]

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