fitzmagicfumble

I’ll be honest, I was late turning on the game by about five minutes, and arrived to a replay of a stupid shovel pass by Ryan Fitzpatrick and a field goal. Honestly, the Jets had possession for like 14 minutes in the first quarter and was losing… Typical I said! But whoa, 67,000 points later, I was like, what in hell actually happened? Would this be the game that might actually remove the dreaded Thursday night curse of beyond-sh*tty football? Well, probably not, Phil Simms is still alive… baby steps though. In what was a sorta-kinda “color rush” game, also known as GANG LIME JELLO NEON RAVE GREEN game, the Jets actually wanted it both ways, going with their usual white with green uniforms for the sake of the color blind. All eight percent of you. Which is fine, but if you’re going to go all white, it better be something like K-Swiss or else I ain’t even gonna notice. And yes, the game’s final score of 37-31 seems closer than the game actually was (and was probably quadruple what the O/U from Vegas was), but we did find out some valuable information moving forward. First, the Jets defense kinda sucks. Second, I saw some personnel issues with the Bills. Those include: The Bills. Oh, there were also 13 total penalties this game, good for 109 yards. If only I had picked up the referees off waivers instead of the Jets defense…

Special Note: As you might notice after the jump, our new Player Pages are up and running (whenever a player’s full name is written, you’ll be able to click on it and be taken to a magical box of info and other nifty thingamajigs). Special thanks to Rudy for this brand new feature, and he’ll have a post on this later today delving into the development, his process, and what you can expect moving forward. It’ll probably be a bit more informative than calling them “thingamajigs”, that’s for sure. But if you want a quick look-see, check out my favorite player’s page!

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We’ve survived the first bye week with six of the better teams in the league on a two week vacation. It led to unusual results and other players taking a turn in the other spotlight. Miami and Oakland are the only teams on bye in Week 5 after they beat up on each other in London, so there aren’t that many players you need to replace this week. Oakland also needs to replace its coach, but that’s another story. But there is one player that needs to go immediately, and his name is Tom Brady.

Brady has been shoddy at best this season, and it’s got to be killing fantasy teams. For the season, he has 791 passing yards with four touchdowns and two interceptions, and has failed to break the 250-yard barrier this season. It hit a low point last night when he was replaced by Jimmy Garoppolo, who was put in during the fourth quarter of the Chiefs’ 41-14 a**-kicking of New England. Brady just doesn’t look right. He still has Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, but after that, there is little else in the way of receiving talent that he can utilize. His tackles aren’t protecting him well, and the ground game isn’t getting the holes it used to. Brady can still dink and dunk, but without a good deep threat, it looks ugly for the 37-year old signal caller from Michigan. He’s on pace for career lows for a full season and he has a Sunday night game with 3-0 Cincinnati and it’s tough defense in Week 5, before Buffalo and the New York Jets in a five-day span.

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True facts: I don’t believe there’s much variance this week to talk about. It’s like I ate some turkey earlier than you and passed out. Snore-o-rama up in this bish, right? It’s not very often I’m humbled into yammering about having a player like Victor Cruz up 8 in standard rankings over where everyone else has him. Reason? He’s usually backed up poor performances with pretty big games afterwards. Don’t believe me? Well you see, you’re on the internet reading this so you could probably just google it…hint, hint. It’s been a rocky year for the Salsa Dance man but I fully expect him to shine this coming Sunday. Overall, it was a hard week to rank. There are more Q’s in these than a Dairy Queen managers convention. Don’t ask. I have zero clue if that’s such a thing. Over in the world of QBs, Josh McCown drops by your top 5. He tells me to tell you hi. I guess I believe in EJ Manuel more than you while I’m at it. Nah, really just disbelieve the Falcons and their complete and utterly destructive 2013 season to date, especially on defense. At RB, Roughshod gets a top 10 nomination again and makes me wonder what he has to do to get respect at this point. Oh and Arizona is gonna give up some points to one of the Eagles TEs this week. Maybe both. But probably one…and I don’t know which one but I’m banking on Ertz if I’m making a choice to take a chance here. Defenses, it seems people are slowly becoming aware that Tampa Bay has finally shown back up. Think that Panthers vs Bucs game is gonna be a lot closer and defensively contested the whole way than people think. And finally, some quick gambling bits: Dennis Johnson could finally do what many have tried to in Texas do before and that’s sucede from the union. Marquise Goodwin and Justin Hunter are fringe WR3 players of note. Finally, I expect Colin Kaepernick to come back to Earth this Sunday. Kickers, as always, were ranked with love and care by some children we paid less than minimum wage to in a small, poorly ventilated room in a far off land. Don’t let their efforts be forgotten. And with that, let’s get this show on the road. Here’s week 13 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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The possibilities are nearly endless with the Bobby Rainey references. Who knew Bobby Rainey would go off for nearly 35 fantasy points and start trending on Twitter? Some of my faves include #ItsRaineyMen, #NovemberRainey, #ChocolateRainey and #SomewhereOverTheRaineyBow. Personally, I went the Milli Vanilli route because I see Bobby Rainey more fraud than Grammy winner. Now and then something comes along that is just too good to be true. Ask Sky about his investment in Planet Hollywood. One of those things was the “band” Milli Vanilli. Back in late 80’s, early 90’s, your-humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru was trapped in Top 40 radio Hell and forced to spin tunes by MC Hammer, Wilson Phillips and Roxette. I refer to those four years as my “lost weekend.” Personally, I believe we all need a few lost years or decades in our lives. It’s hard to respect someone that didn’t completely piss away their life for at least a year or two doing something crazy like follow the Grateful Dead, travel with the carnival or marry a Russian bride. Unfortunately, I wasted my time playing the lip-sync hits from Milli Vanilli. Blame it on the rain. And the free cocaine. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone injury impacts everyone in fantasy football. Rodgers is one of the most consistent and healthiest quarterbacks in the league. He’s going to be out up to six weeks with a fractured collarbone.

At least that’s an injury fantasy owners can cope with. It’s serious enough to miss a few games but not enough to put him on the shelf for the season. The other nice thing about it is that Rodgers should be healthy when it comes to fantasy playoff time. So should Randall Cobb.

This kind of an injury (even in the non-throwing shoulder) is one that the Packers will have to be careful on how to treat him and let him heal. Rodgers probably won’t even run for the next three weeks because you want the rehab of this to not be bumpy and jarring. He’s going to spend a lot of time on the bike to keep in shape while he waits for his collarbone to heal up. Even something like a speed bump, if taken too fast, will send waves of pain into his collarbone. It’s going to take time and a lot of softness to get Rodgers healed.

That said, the Packers are accepting donations of bubble wrap to protect their quarterback in for the next four to six weeks.

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I should’ve known it was black magic. Didn’t even need the woman to be involved. A Cleveland Browns passing offense that passes the eye test? Not possible they said. A QB that could withstand the pressure of playing behind a bad offensive line? ‘I’m incredulous’ said those who use the word ‘incredulous’ and actually know what it means. I blame Carlos Santana. Hey, there’s a catcher from the Indians named that so it’s apropos, people. But it happened for a couple of weeks that the Browns and their passing game was saved by their quarterback being – by both the stats test and the eye test – really not that bad. But of course it’s Cleveland and as we know, everything Browns eventually goes to Brown-town. Brian Hoyer left the Thursday Night Football game with a knee that couldn’t have been more shredded than the hillside of a snowboard instructor in Aspen. There’s nothing definitive as of this typing but for all intents and purposes, it didn’t look good at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if his season is over. I take partial blame as I’ve been snake-bitten with injuries this year and actually picked Hoyer up to stream this week in one of my leagues. Mea culpa. Moving forward, the skill position players are gonna have to learn what it means to go from good to bad and how to cope. The parts there are still good, but they lost a little luster for me tonight knowing it’s going to take a trade – unlikely – or a free agent pickup – possible? – to fix this mess. And just when I was about to say Cleveland Rocks…in other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

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Holy injuries Batman! The number of concussions, questionable statuses, and long-term injuries has been staggering this year. Thought you could count on Roddy White, Eddie Lacy, Larry Fitzgerald, Malcom Floyd, Andre Johnson, Reggie Bush, Ray Rice, or any number of fantasy-relevant stars without worrying about their health? Think again. It looks like most of those guys will still play next week, but you better keep an eye on their status as the week goes on. For some, the matchup may be a good one, but concerns about targets/carries may not merit the start. Fantasy Football is all about weighing your options and there has already a lot more of that necessary than there has been in past seasons.

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When Dustin Keller entered the free agent market this off-season, he’d just come off a terrible season with the New York Jest which is a statement that could be said about any NYJ from 2012. With that, he decided to hit the FA market with the intent of improving his stock via a 1 year deal. To prove he was worth the money and after a great start to the preseason, there was much promise. And then versus the Texans that knee of his went…well, it went the wrong way. Like every which way that was the wrong way. I’m not linking to that image cuz it’s nasty and exactly why he not only has a torn ACL, PCL and MCL but has a dislocated knee to boot. It was ugly, people, but thankfully I only have to talk about the fantasy implications of it. Keller looked like he was well suited for the Dolphins passing attack throughout the preseason and was looking more and more to be a great target for up and comer Ryan Tannehill. Though it won’t affect my Rankings outside of Keller dropping out, I do get a little worried about who that third target for Ryan is going to be. Young QB with a security blanket to throw to is always nice, especially when it’s a decent option like Keller. Overall, it might increase targets for guys like Gibson but I wouldn’t call that a plus. Oh and no, don’t even ask if Charles Clay is a pickup since he’s, ya know, Charles Clay. You’re better then that and you know it. In other preseason news for 2013 Fantasy Football…we interrupt this ellipses to bring you an important announcement: we still need you – and yes I mean YOU. Not that other guy/girl you say to yourself will do it – to create/join some Razzball Commenter Leagues. See that hyperlink? It whisks you away to a special place where it tells you not only how to set up the league but what the Grand Prize is for the winner. Yes, there’s a prize so go pretend that link is a box of Lucky Charms and you’re trying to get the decoder ring out of it…or something. Just click on it! Alright, enough pandering, let’s get back to the show…

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The original plan was to be visiting family with remote internet access the week prior to preseason action. So of course, a wine and food fair event just HAD to bump that back a week. The best part? We didn’t go to the wine and food fair. Too tired from all the traveling and didn’t want to spend time with the annoying relatives. That’s truth with a capital hashtag in front, peeps, and why never to book hotel rooms in advance. I know you don’t care about any of this blather, really, but want you to know that I’m a bit behind on all the goings on over the last week. I heard DX died. Ok, he didn’t die really but in our fantasy football world, being out for the remainder of the year is pretty similar. BTW, it’s bad enough to tear it once but he’s now torn his ACL 5 times. Screw Tommy John surgery, we need Danario Alexander surgery that replaces completely worthless ACLs. But enough about that, I’m gonna do my best to post what I know – very little -and what I gleaned – a bit more – from all this preseason football. I’m going to then gently apply it to this here 2013 Fantasy Football season for you all cuz that’s what I do. I’m a giver. But before I give you that, I’m here to give you this. That ‘this’ is a link to the Razzball Commenter Leagues. We don’t have many leagues. It’s embarrassing. I call my mother and cry on the phone about it and the only person who can change that is you. Maybe not you on your own, but you and another 11 you’s to join your quest for sweet Razzball swag. You can call them mini-you’s if you prefer. But enough about your Dr. Evil impersonations, it’s time to cover a bit of the magic that is preseason football for the 2013 fantasy football season…

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As I talked about last week, we didn’t truly know what was going to happen to Percy Harvin until Tuesday. Well, now we know and it’s not exactly the news we all wanted to hear heading into our drafts. Harvin will be out 3-4 months as he has hip surgery to repair a torn labrum. For those of you that drafted, that puts his estimated ‘worth keeping on your team’ time at week 9 if you’re lucky but I’d bank on him being back no earlier then week 13 and by then…well, here’s the scenario. The Seahawks – barring major in season injuries – are a playoff bound team and they were a strong team even without Harvin last year. By week 13, the team will be ready to welcome him but this isn’t a guy who knows his team and their schemes. It’s going to take time to gel, to get acclimated. If you’re holding Harvin for your playoff push, you might want to think about that as a factor in how to handle. If you’re gonna ask me what to do about it, it’s a tough call. If he were on my team as of now, I’d try and sell him in a 2 for 1 if someone is willing to wait because in redrafts, I’m not. I’ve updated Harvin in my 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings as well. Now in theory, he’s returning during a time when he could be useful but he’s nothing more then a pickup when that time comes. I wouldn’t be wasting a draft pick on him. Too many injuries and bye weeks before now and that time frame could happen. Keep abreast (tee-hee) of any news regarding Percy and see if he’s worth a pickup week 9 or 10 if it doesn’t affect your bench too much to do so would be my plan in most leagues. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…zing! I’m like a broken record here. Since we don’t have 5000 leagues yet, I’m gonna keep badgering you every chance I get about our Razzball Commenter Leagues. Either go join one or create one. If you build it, they will come. It’s totally like Field of Dreams, y’all! Now back to your regularly scheduled post…

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