Ezekiel Elliott

MB

Fantasy Football Thanksgiving Day Primer

November 28, 2019 | Fantasy Football Gameday | 26 Comments

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Happy Thanksgiving loyal readers! It’s the one day of the year that you can crack a beer at 10 in the morning and nobody in your family will look at you twice. Football also starts an hour earlier than it does on a normal Sunday. There won’t be a wrap up of these three games tomorrow so if you have any questions for me before Sunday’s primer, this will be the post for them. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

The Jaguar Slayer

November 25, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 4 Comments

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A quick google search tells me there’s only three predators capable of killing a Jaguar. The first is the anaconda—that big ass snake from the Jon Voight movie. The second is the caiman—these little gator looking guys in Mexico and South America. And the third, of course, is Derrick Henry—which makes sense because he looks a lot like a Predator. In week 13 last year, Henry took 17 carries for 238 yards and 4 touchdowns. I remember that game well because I was required to attend a 2.5 hour holiday lights trolley tour on that Thursday night which, to my surprise, turned out to be much more pleasant than watching Derrick Henry destroy my fantasy hopes and dreams before the week even started. Fast forward around 12 months, if you were playing against The Predator this week then I hope you also had a long Sunday afternoon holiday light trolley tour to attend. Henry rumbled for 159 yards on 19 carries plus another 16 yards on 1 reception and 2 touchdowns—he has 10 touchdowns on the season and is now under protest by PETA for his crimes against Jaguars.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
MB

Bo Knows, But We Didn’t

November 18, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 12 Comments

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If you were to ask 15 fantasy football “experts” who you should start between Brian Hill and Bo Scarbrough, all 15 of those analysts wouldn’t have hesitated in saying Hill. Every single one of them. That’s just how it shakes out in the wonderful world of football fantasies.

Bo Scarborough was signed yesterday by the Lions from the practice squad only to lead the backfield with 14 carries 55 yards and a rushing touchdown. 3.9 YPC isn’t impressive at all, but how the hell were we supposed to know Bo Scarbrough would be a lead back. I’m actually surprised that he wasn’t on a roster after a pretty nice college career at Alabama. 

Brian Hill, on the other hand, was in a smash spot against the Carolina Panthers who have struggled exponentially against the run. Brian Hill ran the ball 15 times for 30 yards and had a touchdown called back because of a holding call. The hardest pill to swallow was that it was such a positive game script for the Falcons. They led the entire game. I guess sometimes the chalkiest calls end up being too chalky. Here is what else I saw in the early slate. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JCohn

NFL DFS Week 11 Guide

November 16, 2019 | DraftKings, FanDuel | 2 Comments

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Rich Hribar of Sharp Football Analysis sent out an interesting thread of tweets earlier this week. I’ll try to summarize it in as few words as possible: THE BUCCANEERS ARE DFS GOLD. For those of you who want to know more, let me explain in a little bit more detail.

Hribar points out that the Bucs have hit their implied point total in seven games this season, which tops the NFL. They have held their opponents under their implied total just once, which is lowest in the NFL. Games involving the Bucs average nearly 60 combined points. I don’t want to just keep reciting Hribar’s tweets, so check out the thread yourself here. Credit to him for the great detective work.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Aaron Jones Reeks of Limburger

November 11, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 18 Comments

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Few people know why the Packers are called “Cheeseheads.” It’s tradition: the worst Packer performer from the previous week is bestowed with a chunk of stinky Limburger cheese which is stuffed into the bottom of their helmet for the following game. In week 9, Aaron Jones took 8 carries for 30 yards and hauled in 1 catch for -1 yards. Needless to say, he was Mr. Limburger for their week 10 game against Carolina and their dairy boy tracked down an extra stinky piece of cheese for this contest. This wedge of stank carried such a putrid scent that the Panthers defense gave the Packer running back a little extra space to roam on Sunday afternoon. Aaron Jones took full advantage, rumbling for 93 yards and 3 touchdowns on 13 carries—he now has an impressive 14 touchdowns on the season. Rest of Season Player Rater has him listed as RB#10 and I’d even bump him a couple spots higher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:    

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Darnold Plays Spin the Bottle

October 14, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 16 Comments

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The entire Jets offense was giddy when Sam Darnold strolled into the locker-room Sunday carrying his vintage Coca-Cola bottle. After four weeks of quarantine with the kissing disease, Darnold was ready to play games with his favorite group of guys. First, the young QB locked eyes with Robby Anderson (5 catches for 125 yards and his 1st touchdown) for a juicy 92 yard score. Next he played touch and squeeze with Ryan Griffin (3 catches for 28 yards and his 1st touchdown). Even Le’Veon Bell (14 carries for 50 yards and his 2nd touchdown) snuck into the circle and gave the bottle a twirl. Sammy Big D went 23/32 for 338 yards and 2 touchdowns in his triumphant return as the Jets upset the Cowboys. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Always Fuller After Eating Falcon

October 7, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 50 Comments

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Falcons are a protected species in the United States, but over in India they actually have an annual two-week falcon hunt where thousands upon thousands of falcons are massacred each year. It was on a pilgrimage to the Taj Mahal that Will Fuller developed a taste, or rather an addiction, to these beautiful birds of prey. So when the Falcons glided into Houston on Sunday, they never stood a chance against the bloodthirsty Fuller as he went off for 217 yards on 14 catches with his first 3 touchdowns of the season. The Texans wide receiver will now go into hiding for several weeks as the authorities attempt to track him down for his foul treatment of the fowl. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?