“Start ’em and Sit ’em” was on hiatus last week as I made my way to Boston to catch Derek Jeter’s farewell game on Sunday.  Things went well.  Some random dude gave us a free parking pass when we were driving up to Fenway, Jeets got a hit in his last at bat, and I even caught a foul ball.

So did you miss me?  (You’re supposed to say, “yes”).  I’ll just assume you did, and we can all move on.  Fantasy football didn’t stop for me just because I didn’t put out a Week 4 column.  I never got off the saddle — well, maybe once to enjoy a warm bowl of chowdah.  Hopefully you survived that hectic week of byes, and let’s keep on, keepin’ on to Week 5…

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Sometimes obvious happens. Other times, cheap happens. Sometimes obvious and cheap happen at the same time and you get a great cash play or GPP play depending on how you build your roster. To put it mildly, Donald Brown is in a great position to succeed on Sunday. The Jags have been completely run over this season *pun not intended but now that I look at it, I’m quite proud of it*. To be fair, the Jags have been destroyed at nearly every position offensively so far as they rank at or near the bottom against opposing QBs, WRs, and TEs on the year as well but I’m gonna focus on the things that make this call mesh for me. You see, for as much as we talk of Philip Rivers, his odd faces, his multitude of children and his bolos, we seem to forget one thing: he ain’t just chucking anymore. Now this isn’t to say he’s not getting his but the Chargers are a clock-managing team. They are forcing their opponent to make due with small chunks of time, putting pressure on opposing offenses to produce with a limited window and they’re doing this by running the ball. San Diego only trails Houston and Cincinnati in rushing attempts on the year with 98 and last week, Brown rushed the ball 31 times. Yes, yes, he only gained 62 yards but I would hang that on the Bills actually being a decent defense more so than the inability of Donald. And now with Danny Woodhead out for the season, the backfield will be his to own until Ryan Mathews grows an extra ‘t’ in his last name. Now I can’t promise he gets the 36 total touches he got last week but I do think he’ll do most of the heavy lifting and that a 35+ touch game is NOT out of the question for Donald as he and the team know when Mathews comes back, he’ll have time to recoup. So come with me as we take the Jags to Brown Town…hey, not THAT Brown Town. It’s in San Diego where Donald plays. What did you think I meant? Gross, let’s move on. Here are my hot takes for week 4 on DraftKings…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Welcome back, my lovelies! As anticipated, this week has not fared any better for our gladiators of the gridiron. My black widow curse appears to have caused more injuries, and thereby claimed some more man souls for my glass trophy case. Don’t blame me; I stash them away for later. A girl has to eat, right? I can honestly say that this has been one of the most injury-heavy starts to an NFL season that I have ever bared witness to. How bad you ask? Well, it’s so bad, that players who have retired are now coming OUT of retirement and resigning with their previous teams. Really, James Harrison? Really?? Forget last call. We are now so desperate for starters that we have turned to the fantasy football version of online dating and are taking whatever is thrown at us in a desperate attempt to eke out some action. But, much like some of the creeps, weirdos, and freak show-quality genetic anomalies you find on online dating sites, we have learned that desperation leads to shame and regret. And shame and regret are two things that many of us are feeling right about now. So, with that, I give you this week’s Hit it or Quit it, with the hopes that you won’t need to drink away your shame with bootleg moonshine you made in your pappy’s bathtub.

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What a mess. This position has officially become Highlander because there really can be only one. You know exactly which one, don’t even bother asking. Writing this list is gonna make me hate Tight Ends more than any man should. It wasn’t even a Tale of Two Cities because even at the best of times, it was the worst of times. For all the promise of talent, I’m not certain many lived up to it. Don’t make me even talk about Zach Sudfeld…but I’m already depressing you and we haven’t even started. If there was ever a position to stream moving forward, TE would be the place. Though I haven’t done the numbers, I’d bet there were way more ‘out of nowhere’ top 10 TE finishes in 2013 than at any other skill or QB position. It’s all about matchups save for a few of these guys so my stance of not overspending on TE still stands, but hopefully I get myself roped into the right late rounder in 2014. Ugh, let’s just get this over with. Here’s the Top 20 Tight Ends from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Ahhhh the throes of December… The playoffs are here!  Or if you’re in a 6-team playoff league, then you’re still alive!  Because I doubt you’d be reading otherwise…  The playoffs are all about the hot team at the right time.  I mean, look at the Giants for Pete sake.  Or is it Pete’s sake?  Who is Pete?  Texas Pete?

Last week I told you about my playoff strategy – it’s the same as any other week.  Award winning analysis!  But seriously, it’s fantasy football and you have your line-up and you’re leaning one way or another.  It’s just as important to win week 2 as it is to win this week.  Well maybe not really, but you’re still fielding whoever you feel best and I don’t think you tinker just based on “this guy has been better most of the year and got me here…” or any of that hoopla.  But if you do have any coin flips or any of the late season injuries plaguing the league, I’ve got some LSD for ya!

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I swear, players with names like this were made for Razzball. Do you know how many puns I’m gonna squeeze out of this down the stretch with him? Trust me, you don’t even know. But more to the point, we here have been all over this guy this week. This isn’t an ‘I toldja so’ but I do hope you all listened to the Razzball Podcast on Tuesday when I said you should pick up Chris Rainey. Then I hope you read the first comment on the Podcast post where I clarified who I was talking about. Anyone out there picking up the 5th string RB for the Steelers…mea culpa. Hopefully you read my BUY column on the following day and made sure it was Bobby Rainey. Sure, I didn’t tell you to start him but Tampa Bay said Leonard was starting. And clearly Tampa Bay never lies…wait, what? Neverthewho! Finally, as if we didn’t treat you like a baby seal enough, we clubbed you over the head on Friday with J-FOH making Rainey the lead in The Handcuff Report. All this to say, unless you were in a coma for the last week, we got you in early on this gem. And if you’re reading us first after coming out of a coma, thank you! Now you should really put life in perspective if we’re the first thing you think of upon waking from something like that. But now that we’re done slapping each other on the ass for the good call over here, let’s get to the numbers: Rainey carried the load in Tampa with 30 carries for 163 yards and 2 TDs on the ground while chipping in 2 for 4 through the air and another score. Yes, that’s three TDs from a guy who’s 23% owned as of mid-day Sunday which probably means he was owned under 10% prior to games starting. Seriously guys, put it at automatic waivers when Sundays start. Cheaters! But more about Bobby: that boy ain’t right…to opposing defenses. There was a lot of concern about his size holding him back from being a lead RB but all I have to say to that is Warrick Dunn. Bobby (5-8, 212) and Warrick (5-9, 180) have a little in common in that area. Everyone wants to pick on the little guy back there but little doesn’t mean these guys can’t carry the load when presented. Looking forward, Rainey had a nice matchup against a Falcons team that has given up plenty on the ground to fantasy backs on the year so I’m not going to anoint him straight away. I’d like to see a little adversity before I do that but I do think if you nabbed him, you’ve got a mid-tier RB2 right now with explosive upside and the potential to make up for all the RB heartache you’ve no doubt suffered to date. Here’s to Rainey making you into the Reigning champion this year. See? We got this for days, people. In other news from Sunday of week 11 for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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So you need to find a temporary replacement for Aaron Rodgers huh? Is no one safe anymore? Luckily, there are some QBs with pretty solid matchups this week that might be available to you. Jake Locker plays Jacksonville and we all know how great Jacksonville has been this year. There’s also Eli Manning who plays against Oakland. I’m not saying he’s gonna light up Oakland like Nick Foles did this past weekend, but I’ve done some research on this Eli guy and it turns out he has two Super Bowl rings so he should be competent enough. Also, speaking of Foles, he’s still available in well over half of leagues out there and against a Green Bay team that has given up a lot of points this year and won’t have Aaron Rodgers to eat up the clock, Foles should have plenty of time to throw another 7 TDs, or at least maybe 3.

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This week’s injury report is brought to you by hurt hamstrings. These seem to be all the rage around the league right now and make up a majority of the injuries we’re seeing on this week’s report. The good news is that once old Doc here can figure out how to heal them, a lot of players should be coming back.

Hamstrings are the muscles in the back of the leg that help allow you to bend your knee. Imagine yourself trying to kick a football but you couldn’t bend your leg. That would be what life is like with a hamstring injury. Kicking is tough, running is hard and slow and they don’t seem to heal quickly for anything.

Let’s take a look at who is all on the training table this week. All injuries are hamstring unless noted otherwise.

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The course of true love never did run smooth. Some famous person said that. I can’t remember who. Yes, I have google but I also have a time limit as I’m trying to get ready for work, take a shower – did you just picture me naked? – drink my coffee, feed the dog…well, you get the picture. I got shizz going on but I do my best to keep you abreast….hehe, abreast…of what’s going on in the fantasy world while keeping you cultured. It’s a tough task. You’re not the easiest of pupil and you know that. But I digress, as stated, it truly does never run smoothly. Speaking of not running smoothly, that pretty much defines Trent Richardson and his owner’s seasons to date, no doubt. Starting off the season as the main bell cow for a so-so offense, T-Rich didn’t really do much with his time there, averaging 3.4 ypc netting zero touchdowns. Then when he got traded to a better offense, the people rejoiced only to see his underlying stats actually get worse (3.0 ypc and only 1 reception in 3 games). To say it’s been difficult being a Trent owner would be an understatement while saying ‘Fruit Of the Looms’ would be an underpants statement. There’s no point in there, stop looking in my underpants. The point being is that, for all his warts so far, Trent should begin trending upward and the Chargers game will and should be his break out. So check in with his owners and see if they’re willing to move on from him at this point. Though I don’t predict he’ll be the top 5 RB I saw him to be entering the season, I still see a top 10 in there based on the offense alone and I’m sure they’ll work him into the passing game a bit more as the season wears on. In other buy/sell ideas for week 6 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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