Last week, I had the ALCS on the television as I was researching some fantasy fantasy football on my MacBook Pro, and something funny happened. My wife, who’s more of a Total Divas and House Hunters kind of viewer, looked up at the game and said “is that Philip Seymour Hoffman?” Without turning my head I knew exactly who she was talking about, and immediately starting laughing. While she knows that the inventor of the shart is no longer with us, I have to admit, the resemblance is a bit uncanny. And in case you haven’t figured it out, the Philip Seymour Hoffman impersonator I am referring to is none other than Buck Showalter…

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I thought trading away Percy Harvin was going to solve all your problems? Well, I guess trading away one of your best weapons doesn’t exactly solve terrible play-calling, subpar offensive line play, and very un-special teams play. So, despite the faulty narrative that I’m sure will be thrown about, here we are, CONDITION CRIMSON RED, also the color of Tom Coughlin’s face. As was alluded to early yesterday, imagining an outcome such as this was a fools errand, but it wouldn’t have been the craziest thing to think that the Rams could pull off the upset. And while it took wild and boner inducing events (which is also my pet name for your mom) to take place, the impossible was suddenly possible, and the 2013 Super Bowl champions are now 3-3. Said events (we’ll call them “Cialis”) included a hilarious punt return where Tavon Austin lined up on the left side of the field for the return, and acted like he was about to catch the ball, which drew in the entire Seahawks special teams unit, cameraman in full tow, and then this happened…

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Later in the game, with Seattle needing a big stop for another chance at the win, Tre Mason broke through for a first down on 3rd-and-1, icing the game right then and there, until he was stripped. The ball bounced forward, was covered by a Rams lineman, only to pop out again and be seemingly recovered by Seattle. Replays did show Richard Sherman on top of the ball for a moment, but “technically” there wasn’t enough to overturn the officials call which had rewarded the possession to the Rams. That’s two straight losses for Seattle, a team which is now sitting at .500 on the season. Look on the bright side Seahawks fans. After this third loss, the band wagon crowd should be displeased enough to go away. Not as effective as a meteor, but it’ll have to do.

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Yes, it happened. And even though these games don’t mean anything, this epic showdown was hyped as “Harbowl 3”, letting us know that the terrorists, in fact, have won. But if there’s anything the NFL is good at, it’s hype. And also having zero self-awareness. That also tops the list. So the hype-train arrived with much fanfare last night, which is why we got to watch Denver fans boo the sh*t out of the team that destroyed them in the Super Bowl. But for fantasy, is there anything to be gleaned here in the first set of preseason games? What is gleaning, is the question here. GLEAN ME, right? Oh yes, I shall glean you. So the answer? Probably not much. And if you watch Patriot preseason games, nothing. For example, I could say that Jay Gruden’s usage of Roy Helu against the Patriots was notable, especially for PPR formats (something I actually believe). But is that usage a function of the games not counting? And what do we make of long-sustaining drives, like the first drive the Ravens had? Does it tell us their offensive line looks better and they have a more cohesive unit overall, or is it just rust and the first time these players are live-tackling? There are just way too many unknowns here, and so really the only thing that you should monitor are injuries and Brandon Weeden sightings. Just kidding on that last one. You should actually monitor your alcohol intake. Or maybe that’s just me.

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I hate to talk ill of you on the last read of the season, I really do. I only dole out tough love when tough love is due but I think this situation is ripe for it. You shouldn’t really care about what I’m typing right now. Ok, ok, ok, I’m alright if you care because your championship is two weeks long. Not perfect but it is reasonable. But really, even in a week 17 in which games actually mattered, the fantasy football season should not be judged by the scoring leader board we got this week. Sure, LeGarrette Blount has slowly worked is way into the cockles of Belichick’s heart over the course of the season. Really let’s face facts, though; Bill’s been looking for a BenJarvus Green-Ellis impersonator since day one. Congrats, Billy boy, looks like you found your man. Blount finished with 189 rushing yards and 2 TDs on the day and 334 all purpose yards to set a Patriots franchise record and the 11th most in NFL history. That’s a pretty wild day and great if you had it on your team…but really? Did you come into 2013 saying ‘I can’t wait to sit Jamaal Charles and start Blount’? Even in a week where there were so many important games on Sunday, it was still an odd fantasy day overall as we’ll cover a bit…and by that I mean drill bit. I’m gonna drive this point home people! But for serious, I’m happy for you and Ima let you finish but week 16 championships are the great of all time…OF ALL TIME! Ok, I’m done lambasting you…for now. Here’s what else I saw from the final week of the season for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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With the recent explosion of tight end production, fantasy football enthusiasts including dynasty owners are now concentrating on a position that would normally be disregarded in the past. On top of their emergence as legitimate fantasy targets, many leagues are transitioning to a tight end friendly scoring format assigning up to a half a point more per reception for tight ends than other positions. Predicting the future success of NFL tight ends has proven to be extremely difficult such as top tight end Jimmy Graham who was drafted in the third round of the NFL draft and Kellen Winslow II who was drafted as the sixth overall player in the 2004 draft and both players, although separated by nearly two rounds, couldn’t have had different careers with Graham emerging as the elite pro bowler and Winslow basically dropping off the face of the earth and literally becoming fantasy irrelevant. So how do you decide who to pick? Experience doesn’t seem to matter as much as athleticism and raw ability and in this draft there are plenty of elite athletes at the tight end position, in fact this year’s NFL draft, although it lacks the elite quarterback or running back, really produced some great long-term options at tight end. Lets take a look at my dynasty tight end rankings and their short-term and long-term outlook for 2013 fantasy football and beyond.

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With the NFL season approaching – and by approaching I mean it’s never going to get here! – we get to finish off the dynasty rankings with what might be one of the most painful positions to try to manage in fantasy football. In the past few years, the tight end position has gone from extremely unimportant to now the focal point of many offenses, making the position in fantasy football much more relevant. Unfortunately the talent that is available is extremely top heavy, leaving only a few options that you have to spend either a lot of money on in an auction draft or a high pick in a start up. My recommendation? If you miss out on the Top 2, and with Rob Gronkowski’s health in question, maybe just the Top 1, you have to look to add multiple options and look to find the next great option to help your team become dominant. Let’s take a look at the dynasty tight end rankings and some options that could rise to the top of the rankings in the near future and long term.

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As the second round of the draft started early on a Saturday I decided to head out to one of my favorite bars in San Diego and watch what I anticipated to be a very interesting draft after an exciting first round. As the draft unfolded there were a lot of surprises causing a lot of controversy with draft “experts”. I was also given the experience that we saw Geno Smith go through in the first round as I waited and waited for my player of 2013 Johnathan Franklin to be drafted. Was it the second round? No Was it the third round? No Maybe the fourth? Yes after hours of waiting Johnathan Franklin was finally drafted behind my least favorite running back Eddie Lacy to the Green Bay Packers. I can only hope that I am right about both and Franklin becomes the every down back I envisioned him to be for the Packers, but enough about me lets talk about the rest of the draft. One thing that we did see was that after a fairly offensive line and defensive player heavy first round the offensive skill players started to fly off the board and land in some very intriguing situations. As fantasy football enthusiasts these are the players we care about most. Lets take a look at a round two and three analysis of the players and how their landing spot effects their value for fantasy football in 2013 and in the future.

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