We are three days into #SFB9 and my 1.06 pick of James Conner is highlighted as a ‘notable’ pick in the first round. Sign me up for a bell cow back that is projected to receive over 70% of the teams rushing attempts (RB3). He was RB6 in first downs last season, even after missing the last three games of the season, and had 9 games over 50 yards out of his 12 games played. No back with that high of their teams rushing % would be there for me at 2.07. Who did you take with your number 1 pick? What was the craziest 1st round pick in your #SFB9 division?

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Finally Election Day is upon us! And I know exactly what you’re thinking: Donkey, how can I vote Marquez Valdes-Scantling onto my fantasy team when 7 different commercials just exposed him as the rape-loving, baby-murdering, puppy-hating heathen he is? 

Fortunately for Marquez, his only opposition is Chief Geronimo Allison who’s also a rape-loving, baby-murdering, puppy-hating heathen. Geronimo also happens to fund terrorism and will miss at least 6 weeks due to core surgery. MVS is yet another in a long line of rookie wide receivers I’m recommending. He has a top QB and a clear path to targets; mark him down as a must-add in all leagues and call him a WR3 for the time being. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

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Is it not the most awkward damn trolley you’ve ever seen? That it will be on display in Buffalo of all places with a decent chance of vandalism in the forecast for it only makes me more excited for the Pats blowout of the Bills on MNF. While Booger rails against logic and analytics throughout the broadcast and Jason Witten bumbles through introductory 3rd grade math, there is a non-0% chance a member of the #BillsMafia will make a leap of faith from the stands onto the #BoogerMobile. But before that game takes place, there are a couple from the Sunday slate that are worth looking at.

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Four straight weeks of double-digit fantasy points has David Njoku trending upwards in the top TE pecking order. He was a limited participant on Wednesday which leads me to believe that he’ll be playing (and eating) this weekend. His opponent, the Steelers, have allowed double-digit points to TEs for 5 straight weeks and Njoku will make that 6 despite only catching 3 passes for 13 yards in week 1 against the Steelers. It’s a whole njew Njoku in week 8! My take: Will play, start him.

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Absconding in solitude to a Southern Colorado cave for the past two weeks, I pondered the universe, those delicious Totino’s pizza rolls, and of course, the next great buy for your fantasy football team. Entranced in the depths of transcendental meditation that would make The Buddha blush, two syllables appeared in the ether over and over. Tre – Quan, Tre – Quan, Tre – Quan. The universe has spoken and Tre’Quan Smith must be acquired at once. The third round rookie out of Central Florida is a WR4 for now, but top 20 WR numbers for the rest of this season are well within the realm of possibilities with Ted Ginn out for the year. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Peyton Barber is in the midst of another pathetic game as I’m writing this. He’s at 8 rushing attempts for 33 yards and I don’t see that number growing more than that. If the Buccaneers are serious about winning they’ll release their rookie RB Ronald Jones on the league for week 4. Either way — he’ll make his debut soon and have no one in his way from quickly gaining RB1 status. He’s currently unowned in about 80% of leagues, but smart owners (that’s you!) will start sitting on him now to reap the benefits later.

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Week 1 is in the books, we are on the heel of the Thursday Night Football Bengals-Ravens game and I couldn’t be more happy. Is there any better time of the year? Before I clicked submit on this piece, we received a beautiful clip of Joe Mixon jogging in to the locker room early in the first quarter with a right knee injury. This will be the freshest handcuff report out on the inter-web. Mixon owners please pick up Giovani Bernard, he is looking fresh out there!

I will not go down a rabbit hole of why you should roster your RB handcuff because I know you are here to scroll straight to the names, that is what I am here to give you. Read my pre-season handcuff article if you are curious. I’ll sum it up for you, SCHEME!

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The NFL regular season is underway!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

As Le’Veon Bell continues his holdout, B_Don and Donkey Teeth profile his temporary (or permanent??) replacement, James Conner. Find out when the fellas think Le’Veon is likely to return and what to expect from Jimmy C while Bell is away and beyond.

Then the guys take a closer look at the Tasmanian Devil, waiver darling Phillip Lindsay.  Is Lindsay a one hit wonder? Is he a PPR only option? Or could Uncle Phil be much, much more? B_Don and DT debate all of the above!

Finally, in the injuries and pickups segment discover which running backs, wide receivers and tight ends you should be targeting this week on the waiver wire. TJ Yeldon, James White, Austin Ekeler, Quincy Enunwa, Chris Godwin and Phillip Dorsett are just a few to the names discussed. Get all the sausage you can handle right here:

Follow the guys on Twitter @DitkaSausagePod and @DonkeyTeeth87. Subscribe to the podcast, Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports wherever you get your podcasts. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?