My week had nowhere to go but up after Monday night’s Bears/Rams ticklefest. Tuesday I had a prostate exam and Wednesday I had a colonoscopy; everything was great. But then Thursday came along. The Falcons vs. Panthers shootout we were promised was a total misfire. The Falcons D was determined to avoid embarrassment at least one week this season. Only one Panther fantasy asset was immune to the intense pressure brought on by the Atlanta defense: Curtis Samuel, who turned his 3 carries and 4 catches into 23 rushing yards, 31 receiving yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns of the season. That’s three touchdowns in the last two weeks for Samuel, and with his consistent usage in both the pass and run game, he’s starting to look like a decent desperation WR3 moving forward. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m finally out of the closet. I was hoping to come out on my own one day, but Everywhere Blair spilt the beans in his Sunday Fantasy Football Roundup this weekend. It’s all true, I’m a former Kart Across America Champion. But the days of cruising to victory in my Princess Peace costume are long gone. Now I’m left sipping Pabst Blue Ribbon at the Black Jack Inn in Tahoe, donning a soiled Wario costume while reminiscing on the golden years. Fortunately, the Black Jack Inn’s one black and white TV was playing Monday night’s Falcons vs. Packers game so I was able to catch a glimpse of Packers tight end Robert Tonyan hitting the Falcons defense over the head with a Tonyan of bricks. This got me to thinking about the changing of the guard. Five years ago I never thought that little person in a Toad costume with all the bananas would overtake me as Kart Across America Champion. Could Tonyan be the chosen one to dethrone Travis Kelce (3 catches for 70 yards) as the top tight end? You’re right, I’ve had waaaay too many of these PBRs. But the Packers big man did explode for 6 catches for 98 yards and his 3rd, 4th and 5th touchdowns in Monday night’s win. With Aaron Rodgers (27/33 for 327 yards and 4 touchdowns–he now has 13 on the year) playing arguably the best football of his life, Allen Lazard (core injury) out for the foreseeable future and Davante Adams (hamstring) hobbled, Tonyan might end up being more Donkey Kong than Bowser–that’s a good thing, obviously. Consider the big man a top 10 fantasy tight end, at least in the short term. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Since time immemorial tight ends have perplexed the world. We all know you want an end that’s tight, but how tight is too tight? The great Albert Einstein tackled this enigma with his theory of relativity, where he concluded Darren Waller epitomizes the perfect balance of tightness and plumpness in the end department. And who is Donkey Teeth to argue with genius Einstein? Waller’s an adonis of a man, and well endowed too.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Ravens are having a hell of an offseason after a great run in 2019. The Ravens added 2 potential stars in the draft via Patrick Queen and JK Dobbins, Lamar Jackson (enthusiastically?) acknowledged praise he received from polarizing president Donald Trump, and now we have the Earl Thomas story.
I need to know everything about this. I need the six-part Netflix documentary with the Wondery podcast to boot. When did orgies with his brother become his go-to method to blow off steam? This is all the material that Ballers needs for a one-season reboot. Are you in, Dwayne?
The details are just so perfect for our boredom without competition right now. Earl Thomas gets the standard “you drink too much” talk. Like, come on, it’s quarantine, what else is one supposed to do? He decides that group sex with his biological brother is just what he needs to forget about it all. His wife, knowing that he is up to no good, finds him via his Snapchat location (turn it off man), then grabs the strap and a couple of friends to set him straight. This Ballers script writes itself. His wife barges in, Earl dials out to The Rock. Spencer Strasmore answers his phone, “Yo Spence, I have a serious problem! My wife is craaaazy!!!” Spencer hastily blows off whatever zoom meeting he’s in about saving the 2020 NFL season, jumps in his Porsche and hollers “send me your location!” Earl fires back, “check my snap!” I could go on for pages about this, but without much happening in the sports world, I should probably save some sporadically useful material. But I do want to dive into Mark Andrews for the 2020 season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Quarantine Day 32:
This virus is really throwing a wrench in our economy as well as our professional sports enjoyment. Have you seen the latest proposal for the 2020 Major League Baseball season? I’m not talking about that whole Arizona/Florida restructured league proposal with the 30-team playoff. The latest idea on the table is one where Elon Musk and Richard Branson fly all the baseball teams to the moon where they’ll play the entire season without gravity. Even Tim Tebow with be launching dingers into orbit. This is especially exciting because if all goes well, rumor has it the NFL season will be played on Mars. In anticipation, Bill O’Brien just traded Deshaun Watson for a cardboard cutout of Buzz Lightyear. Anyway, I went over my top 15 dynasty tight ends last week, here’s my top 30 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I crawled through the desert wearing my backpack filled to the brim with toilet paper and various lotions, dying of sports thirst, a small rain drop landed squarely on my nose. The NFL players narrowly approved a new collective bargaining agreement Saturday night, lengthening the season by one game and expanding the playoffs to 14 teams; the rain drop for which I’d been longing. Then on Monday, the flood gates opened with a downpour of high profile free agent signings, trades and franchise taggings on the first day of legal tampering.
Lightning struck when then Texans inexplicably handed DeAndre Hopkins and a 2021 4th rounder over to the Cardinals in exchange for David Johnson, a 2nd round draft pick and a 2020 4th rounder. The amount of hand sanitizer included in the deal was not disclosed, but my sources tell me at least three ounces of Purell headed back to Houston. The echo chamber seems to believe this move will have a decidedly negative affect on Nuk’s fantasy value, but I’m rose-colored in my year two outlook for the Kliff Kingsbury/Kyler Murray show. If he’s a mid to late 2nd round fantasy pick this year, I’ll dhop all over him.
Later the thunder rumbled as Stefon Diggs was dealt with a 2020 7th rounder to the Bills in exchange for pick #22, their 2020 5th, 2020 6th and 2021 4th rounder. I’ve seen many folks say this was a terrible deal for the Bills, but if you toss the 26 year old Diggs into this draft class he’d go top 10, right? And he’s signed to a reasonably team friendly deal thru 2023. Change of scenery may be just what Diggs needed. I’ll be buying again in 2020 and bumping Josh Allen up my board as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy football during this already crazy coronavirus-filled NFL offseason:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Happy Halloween! Or belated Halloween since you’ll be reading this after all the kids have gotten loaded up on sugar and the adults have let out their inner child, demon, or slut. At least a couple of the Razzball crew had sports themed costumes. Who would’ve guessed that sports obsessed people would then look to sports for a costume. My office costume this year was Bill Murray from Space Jam, unfortunately, I do not have any photos. However, I won’t leave you hanging on photos, as this is a former sports Halloween costume that I wore when I went as Kim Jung and hanging with my friend, Dennis Rodman.Please, blog, may I have some more?
David Moore (vs LAC): Moore enjoyed his third straight double-digit fantasy point game and third-straight game with a TD reception. He’s doing this on not a lot of receptions (average of 3 in his last 3 games,) but while Russell Wilson has his number he’s definitely worth picking up if he can continue building his chemistry with Wilson.
D.J. Moore (vs TB): Moore finished Sunday’s game against the Ravens first in receptions, yards and targets in their receiving game for 17 fantasy points. Ifb is really having shoulder issues he could continue to dump short and medium length passes to Moore. In week 8 his longest reception was only 33 yards and in the three weeks prior to that it was only 20 yards. Moore is going to benefit from Cam’s less.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth and B_Don bring you lots of sausage in this episode. Don’t ask what goes into to the sausage! Other than rookie quarterbacks and rookie tight ends, we’ll never tell!
Speaking of rookie tight ends, it wouldn’t be right to discuss rookie tight ends without mentioning the greatest rookie tight end of all-time, Mr. Ditka himself, 1961 NFL Rookie of the Year, DA COACH! Some other intriguing tight ends in the 2018 class include Mike Gisecki, Hayden Hurst, and Dallas Goedert.
The fellas also discuss the long term outlooks for Baker Mayfield, Sam Darnold, Lamar Jackson and the other top QBs drafted this year before diving into a two round dynasty rookie mock draft. What a delicious episode, grab some sausage while there’s still time!
The 2018 Razzball Commenter Leagues are now open! Join today!Please, blog, may I have some more?