What do you call it when a bunch of teams are on BYE, Christian McCaffrey is traded, and J.K. Dobbins is gonna miss half the year? I dunno. You’re gonna have to speak louder because the sounds of my sobbing are drowning you out. 

Much like our esteemed Thursday Night Football writer Hobbs once wrote, “Fantasy football is nasty, brutish, and short.” Civilization is breaking down at the seams and we’re all in our natural state, foraging for running backs wherever we can find them.

Let’s jump in and see if we can avoid any pitfalls this week. Also, because I’m super nice, I’m going to toss in some quick take analysis on the more significant roster moves.  

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Earlier in the pre-season, I talked about the importance of staggering your fantasy football beats, much like J Dilla took his programmed hip-hop beats and swung them into a new genre. Sure, it’s easy enough to say, “Draft good guys,” but it’s also important to have players who fill roles when the veterans disappear or the good guys go bad. It’s like The Avengers series — you need enough characters to carry the franchise so that when there’s a snap…you get the idea. For every Black Panther, we need an Ant Man to move the series forward. You just keep rolling with the B-squad until the third act, and then fantasy glory is at hand! 

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Actual transcript from Razzball Twitter Chat: 

CoolwhipRB: “Dameon Pierce! [eyes emoji] Free title: Pierce the Veil!” 

EverywhereBlair: “But I don’t listen to metalcore, I’m more a progressive djent guy. Can I name it Pier-riphery? Also, now I have to write about Dameon Pierce.” 

If you’ve been around fantasy football a while, you know there are weeks like these where all the projections fail and the contrarians run amok. Did you have Geno Smith vs the Lions backups going for nearly 100 overall points? Leading rusher Rashaad Penny — who out-rushed Derrick Henry and Jonathan Taylor combined? 60-yard field goals (and nearly 2 of them in the same game!)? Something called Bailey Zappe helming the esteemed New England Patriots? It’s OK, these weeks happen. Sometimes there’s a crack in the world that you can peer through to see what it really is — backups all the way down. 

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“The Amen Break” is probably the most popular drum beat in Western music. If you sat down right now behind a drum kit, you’d try to play it. You’d sound like Oscar the Grouch smashing trash cans, but you’d still try, at least. Meanwhile, “The Amon Break” is the respite from Amon-Ra St. Brown that you’ll feel acutely this week, akin to something like a bad hangover from off-brand tequila. Sure you had fun, but now that’s done and you’re ready to spend the next 8 hours watching HBO you’re “sharing” with your cousin who hasn’t paid rent in three months because his crypto account froze during the downturn. Sure, Kyle, we’ll see your OneCoin investments come to fruition in 2023. But for the rest of us? We’re just trying to get through the week with out Amon-Ra. 

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My sincere apologies to all twelve of my readers for my lackluster effort in last week’s injury report article, where I clearly had no idea what I was doing. An eagle-eyed reader on Reddit pointed to my deficiencies, which were many, and indicated that he — I assume it was a he because he liked to participate in the Tinder subreddit — regretted giving us a click. 

Razzball execs spent the past week discussing how we would manage without that 1/132nd of a cent of ad revenue that we would no longer receive. However, the “Blair has no clue” Zoom meeting ended early when FantasyPros returned their weekly ranks. Guess who topped the running back rankings in week 2? Oh, look, it me. 

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What’s up, everybody!? Welcome to your first installment of the fantasy football weekly injury report for 2022. Just so we’re copacetic, let’s establish our norms and understand what an injury report is all about: 

1) I’m Not Adam Schefter: Sure, I have a personality that’s absolutely made for the internet, but I am not a full-time employee of the NFL or journalistic institution whose job it is to report up-to-the-minute injury status. I hear the mass exodus of readers clicking away right now. But wait! Hang around for a hot minute. All I’m saying: this article is written on Friday night for Saturday morning publication, and the NFL plays games Sundays at noon. If you want up-to-the-minute injury reports, please access those writers who get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars per year to star on ESPN and have locker room access and a rolodex of professional secret leakers.

2) I Am EverywhereBlair: This means you’re getting pretty good fantasy football advice based on injury reports. Is your star injured? I’ll tell you an alternate play. Don’t like that alternate play? Who am I, Tennessee Williams? 

3) NFL Teams Lie: Some teams purposefully obscure their injury reports. Is a player actually injured, or is the team just messing with their opponent’s preparation? For this fantasy football injury report, I’m assuming all NFL injury reports are truthful. 

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Every year we get burned by fantasy football players we expect to produce for us at a high level. Whether it be from injury, COVID list inactives, suspensions, or simply underperforming and losing playing time, it’s important we review each season from a bird’s eye view in addition to our granular approach. Some players just […]

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The position that has undergone the most upheaval in fantasy football is running back. I have watched the RB position go from 25 three-down RBs to 15 three-down backs, and now we’re down to what, five? Using your first two fantasy draft picks on RBs is no longer an automatic gambit. Whether we call it a “timeshare,” “committee,” or “split” backfield, more RBs are getting involved. With this development in mind, I employ a scattershot approach to the position. Use the net and leave the pole at home when fishing for runningbacks. I will attempt to accommodate my recommended approach by providing a list of 120 runningbacks by rank. Let us begin with the top 40. If you’re curious about descriptions for the first 17 runningbacks, check out these articles ( Top 10 for 2022Top 25 2022Top 40 2022).

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth discuss some of the recent season affecting injuries and cuts as we enter a very busy draft weekend. Football is back! We start with the injury news to 2nd year running back, JK Dobbins, and where he fits in with fellow young RBs Cam Akers and Travis Etienne for dynasty value. Cam Newton is out, Mac Jones is in for New England. Where are the guys on the weapons? Jakobi Meyers, Rhamondre Stevenson, Damien Harris, and the tight ends.

B_Don and DT compare their top 200 rankings. We discuss our biggest differences in Miles Sanders, Jalen Hurts, and a bunch of young WRs. We also talk about the guys that missed the cut for one of our lists in Dyami Brown, Tyrell Williams, and who we expect to take the 2nd WR spot for the Chiefs. 

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