Deep Impact, Week 9: Du You Juan To Get a Start, Man?

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Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of Deep Impact! Before jumping into the football let me begin this by saying: Cubs? Cubs. Cubs! You don’t need to be a diehard baseball fan to appreciate how amazing that Game 7 was, even if you take away the history of each franchise. And when you add in breaking the 108-year drought? Man, just thinking about all those 90-year-olds in Chicago-area nursing homes who had the sweetest, most joyous celebratory sex of their lives that night, it makes me want to vomit. But, you know, in a happy and heartwarming way. Anyways, back to the regularly scheduled fantasy football. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is our weekly dive into the free agent pool scrounging for players less than 10% owned for deep leaguers desperate for Week 9 starts. In keeping with my weekly tradition, I will break my own defined threshold because I am a rebel who cannot be constrained by the rules of society. Unless there are any real consequences for breaking the rules, in which case I tend to just be a good boy and fall in line.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In Soviet Indianapolis, Blount Smokes You

by: Jay

Good god, what was that?

In what, dare I say, was a pretty good football game for a majority of the time (let’s just agree to not include a very morose and slug-paced fourth quarter), the Patriots continued their trend of ~~deflating balls~~, ~~cheating~~, ~~receiving biased officiating~~, beating the Colts, which, based on recent history, was really no surprise. However, as I mentioned in last night’s Sunday Night Football Live Thread, this game really had no business being close, and it’s a testament to either Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis offense playing competently or the New England defense not being as good as we thought. In this case, it might have been a little of both (not including fourth downs, as shown above). But eventually, nature was able to drive the score to it’s most natural environment when mistakes from the Colts started to stack, all with a heaping side of LeGarrette Blount to help drive it all home. Which leads me to wonder, when the Colts draft defensive players, do they make sure that they can’t tackle first? Haha, just kidding, the Colts only draft wide receivers. With the win, the Patriots continue, along with the Bengals, Broncos, Packers, and Panthers to be the only unbeaten teams through Week 6. I’d say half of those teams are mediocre and the other half deserve their record. I’ll let you figure out which team gets the 0.5 left over from that equation…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Football is Back, Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

August 14, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 32 Comments

by: Jay

Amen.

I just noticed this, but even though he’s really injured, Niles Paul seems like he’s looking at my “Amen” right there in total agreement. Actually, probably not. I’m probably just drunk.

Or if you’re an atheist like me, no men. Or maybe that’s being sexist. Honestly, who cares? With an offseason full of deflated balls and, well, actually, come to think of it, that’s all I can really remember. Okay, I guess it wasn’t as bad as the last offseason, where people were punched and seasons of some high profile players were already lost, you know, because of said punchings… I guess talking about your/my/Tom Brady’s balls isn’t the worst outcome in the history of man. We’ll just call it a close second. And so it was, six games of football were played last night. Sure, it’s just the first week of the preseason (with more games to come this Saturday!), but any football is good football. And while the notes you’re used to won’t go into regular season mode until the NFL does, I’m still here to overview what happened last night. So shall we dance our first dance? Don’t worry, it’s cool, I already established no men. (Did that land? Hmm, maybe I’m in preseason mode too…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Sleeper: Jeff Janis

April 20, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Sleeper | 6 Comments

by: Jay

The easy thing here would be to a drop a Janis Joplin pun, but I’ll just allude to it and leave it there. Why? Because I’ve been through all of my Janis puns, and I’m pretty sure whatever you come up with will be better than what I have. So there we are… Jeff Janis may be unfamiliar to most in a America, except for those of you who reside in Wisconsin. All nine of you. Granted, his prospects as a productive receiver looked a bit better with Randall Cobb’s status up in the air, but as it stands now, the Packers depth chart at receiver stays essentially the same with Jordy Nelson, the aforementioned Cobb, and both Davante Adams and Jarrett Boykin coming in ahead of Janis. Lucky for him, overtaking Boykin on the depth chart is something my great grandmother could do, and she’s been dead for roughly three decades.

Please, blog, may I have some more?