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Is your fantasy team so bad you’re already thinking of blowing it up with some crazy trades? Do you tune in to Monday Night Football just in the hopes that your kicker will get you 23 points for the win? Are you tired of your fantasy football team being first thing to screw you each week? If that describes you, or you’re just a really hot chick, I’m here to help with week 4’s edition of Beyond the Numbers! This week, I’ll give you a few names you can pick up on the waiver wire and some to target in trades before they blow up. Let me start off slow first, with a player who’s one of the smallest in the NFL, but is big enough to satisfy where it’s counts… on the stat sheet.

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Football is one of those fantasy sports where people always hate players they have been previously burned by.  I can count numerous times that I have been burned, seen the player on waivers and looked at him as an option that I would most likely pass on.  For me, that person as of late has been Joique Bell.  That was until I saw how he was being developed into the Cooter offensive system in Detroit.  The Cooter system sounds like some new down in the valley porn organization that does snuff films with deli meats.  Alas, it is not, and you can stop the google search there.  The deal with the Lions offense is that they need to go from this to that.  Now, this to that isn’t something that can just happen, it takes time.  Time Fantasy Football owners don’t really have when it comes down to the season being only 3-4 week longer (playoffs start different in leagues). So why should you invest a look at the Detroit RB situation and why is it something that may behoove you to re-invest some of that burned love toward one of the most commonly passed over options?

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As we pick up the pieces in Week 8’s aftermath, the injury Gods have once again smiled on me, and shat on all of you. In last week’s post, I proclaimed that I was rooting for injuries from here on out, and as Megadeath once said, “Killing is my business… and business is good!” So do I care that Le’Veon Bell’s knee crumbled like Tehol’s self respect after being tricked into trappin’ on a weekend trip to FLA? No! No, I do not. My job is not to sob with you, oh no. My job is to slap you in the face, get you to man up, stop crying, and prepare for the war ahead. I’m like General Patton, but for fantasy sports and with a Jewish last name. I think the easiest way to put it is, we got injuries y’all. There is a very solid chance that there is a team out there that three weeks ago boasted Jamaal Charles, Arian Foster, Steve Smith, and Joseph Randle. That guy was probably pretty smug at the time, because his team was probably pretty good. Now he’s panicking like a cabbage in an Irish garden. If you were a good friend, you’d send him here, tell him to ask a question, and let him know it will be alright. If you’re anything like me, you’d give him some bad advice, send him here for even worse advice, and bluntly state “You’re screwed Brah”. But let’s forget that hypothetical owner for a moment, his girlfriend is too hot for him anyway, and he smells like mothballs. We got injuries on injuries this week, so let’s get into it. Here are your wavier wire adds for Week 9 of Fantasy Football…

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Bellinjuryw815

Notable injuries yesterday: EVERYONE. That’s correct my friends and fellow fantasy players, the time has come to huddle together and drown in our collective tears. And when I say tears, I don’t just mean the kind that comes out of our eyes. I’m talking the kind that comes happens to our body parts… Chances are, if you had a player on your team playing yesterday, they exploded and tore something. Entire body sections were lost yesterday, as if millions of ACLs and MCLs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Steve Smith? Out for the year with a potentially career-ending Achilles tear. Reggie Bush, carted off the field with a torn ACL. Ryan Fitzpatrick, left the game early in the first quarter. The Chargers entire roster left their game against the Ravens before the second half. (Twelve total players.) Matt Forte, an undisclosed knee injury. In fact, Andrew Luck felt so left out from yesterday’s festivities, reports were released showing that he’s been playing with fractured ribs along with a still-present shoulder injury. And, of course, Le’Veon Bell’s injury (shown above) looms large as we continue to wait on any kind of news. As of now, it appears that Bell has avoided the dreaded ACL injury and that it might just be limited to a MCL injury. That basically means a multi-week setback at best, but doesn’t rule out a season-ending one. [Update: The latest reports show that he did suffer a full tear of his MCL, most likely ending his season.] As of now, DeAngelo Williams returns to the starting role, an area which he excelled at early in the season during Bell’s suspension, and Dri Archer will also see some carries, further proving that he is still as useless as ever. Gentlemen and ladies, these are the times when I realize alcohol is an important part of the life process. Let us drink, and hopefully not be injured while doing so…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 8’s Sunday games…

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Luckily there are no major injuries this week that would kill fantasy football owners. Minor injuries? Sure, but that’s what I’m here for. To tell you who to stash, drop, and even start as well. This week, it’s time to part ways with some of our high draft picks even though my heart is literally in pain having to tell you some of them. Even though I did love some of them, I don’t as much anymore and have to let them go for the next “hot thing” to come along.

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Is there still such a thing as an ACL injury after effect?  Adrian Peterson famously rushed for over 2000 yards the year following a December ACL tear.  Jeremy Maclin turned out to be a 2014 draft day bargain after suffering an ACL tear in the 2013 preseason.  Rob Gronkowski also went undervalued in 2014 drafts after coming off an ACL injury.  Now Todd Gurley is meeting or exceeding his expectations.  The fact is that risk is always built into the value of post ACL tear players, but they have a pretty good recent track record.  I literally can’t think of a single player that failed to come back from an ACL tear in the last few years.  Recently the upside has outweighed the draft cost of buying a player coming off an ACL injury.

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So obviously the big news from this past weekend is the loss of Jamaal Charles for the rest of the season. The Chiefs running back suffered a torn ACL in his knee and is done for the season. But now, the presumed handcuff before the beginning of the season, Knile Davis, only saw two carries after Charles went down. It had been reported weeks ago that Charcandrick West had passed him on the depth chart, and it appeared so as he received 12 carries after Charles’ departure. West appears to be the new starting running back in Kansas City and needs to be immediately owned in all leagues. Knile Davis will also get touches, but not nearly as much as West. Davis should be owned in all 12 team leagues and above as anything could happen and both could be in a time share or if one underperformed, the other could excel. Also keep an eye on a running back signing from the Chiefs in the next day or so. They tried out both Ben Tate and Pierre Thomas on Monday and Thomas could be an interesting prospect as his pass catching ability could get him a decent role.

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Some dude in black hit Steve Smith’s back.  And he was off to a great start this year.  For some reason I wasn’t watching the game last Thursday, I was following it though my Twitter timeline and FantasyCast.  Which I think was something that actually heightened the “experience”.  It meant being flooded with Joe Flacco “elite” Tweets, however.  I mean, when I saw through FantasyCast that Joe Flacco had rushed for zero (or negative) yards on a 4th down play, if I recall, I immediately checked my timeline for the expected barrage of inevitable “Elite Sneak” Tweets.  Like this one:

So how about actually discussing that Steve Smith injury..  Okay.  In due time.  Firstly, I want to remind all of you that I’m ordering this injury discussion from greatest impact to least impact on your fantasy teams.  And Steve Smith’s leading off.  Which is both good and bad.  It’s good that we don’t have a more significant injury this week and bad for all the Steve Smith owners, because he was going to return value over his cost this year.

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Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

So much gum chewing. Someone just give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

The season is now in full swing, with the first Sunday of football for 2015 season bringing us a fantastic slate of games. Do you want action? Do you want drama? Do you want romance? I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS. Well, then I present to you the Browns versus the Jets. Haha, just kidding… but this is Week 1… I wouldn’t have really minded that being the premier match-up… well, for at least a few minutes. Honestly, what can you say about Jets that would excite anyone? And what can you say about that Browns that hasn’t already been said about Iraq? Nada, to use a parlance of our times. But there are some actual marquee match-ups this Sunday morning, including, but not limited to the Bears hosting the Packers, the newly revamped Bills facing off against the Colts, and a battle of cats between the Panthers and Jaguars. Then there’s an interesting NFC West match-up involving the Seahawks and Rams, which I’m sure will include Pete Carroll smacking his jaw like a guy who just did coke after being clean for 20 years…

Our rankings have been updated for today’s games and can be found here.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? I am too! I’m trying out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. If you want, you can join up with me! (Played FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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If you read the title to this post and said to yourself, “Who the heck is Mitchell Friedman”, then I have done my job in selecting a title.

Inspired by perhaps the best sports movie ever, the “Who Are These Guys” series looks back at the previous week and compiles a starting lineup of players that would have your league mates mocking you and your opponent licking his chops as he foolishly commits the bitter offense of counting his chickens before they’ve hatched. While the players selected each week are based entirely on hindsight, the purpose is to show you that every week it is possible to create a lineup that does not contain a single stud, yet said lineup would trample one containing only studs. Duds over studs. Bros before hoes. That’s how it goes…

Please, blog, may I have some more?