Deep Impact, Week 2: Get Brent

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Welcome back everybody to this week’s edition of “Deep Implants”, our recurring series here at Razzball discussing the history of American spies planted overseas during war. This week, we’ll take a look at the exploits of Edward Bancroft, a Massachusetts-born scholar who was a key provider of intelligence from London to Ben Franklin during the Revolutionary War. Before diving into his espionage, let’s start with his studies that showed eels use electricity to capture their prey… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that BANCROFT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT THE WHOLE TIME! NO, BEN FRANKLIN, STOP GIVING THIS MAN INFORMATION!!! As a refresher for those of you who missed the first regular season piece in this series, this is for fantasy football players who like to hang out in the deep end. Metaphorically speaking, of course; I don’t go into the actual deep end as I’m not a strong swimmer and the kids are really judgmental these days. Floaties are for adults too, dammit!

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Through the Wire, Week 10: Tears in Heaven

by: Geoff

I woke up this morning with a pain in my heart. I couldn’t quite place what caused it, but it was there. So instead of indulging this pain by calling out sick, and moping around the house all day in those super comfy plaid fleece pants, I decided to go to work and go about my day as if the pain wasn’t there. But it was there, oh it was there. I was just in denial, I knew what the pain was, and I knew what caused it. But I was holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. But there I was, 1:30 pm EST in the front conference room at the office in a meeting with clients. My phone buzzed, and when I peered down at my screen it was just as I had feared “Dion Lewis out for season with ACL tear”. At that moment, I let out a primal scream that could only be matched by the sound of my mighty swinging scrotum pounding the inner-thighs of Tehol’s wiz. This is my fate for making light of all you Charles, Bell, and Foster owners in past weeks. In one awkward step a dream was lost, and a little piece of me died. I stand before you jaded and less innocent to life’s unfair twists, than I did a week ago. Now, as we always do, we pickup the pieces, recollect, and hit the wire…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Achievement Unlocked: Peak NFC East

October 26, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 69 Comments

by: Jay

Trying to figure out rankings in the NFC East is no job for amateurs. And let’s just say I’m no expert. First, you have Washington pulling off their own little Super Bowl by coming back and beating the (GASP!) Tampa Buccaneers and moving to 3-4. Then you have the Giants being gifted a win by the video game known as Casselvania. (I knew Romoitis was a terminal illness, but I didn’t realize it was so contagious as well. Unfortunately, Matt Cassel looks to be in the late stages. Very sad. Surprising too, as you don’t usually see Romoitis without Romo involved. Maybe it was a pre-existing condition? Thank goodness we have Obamacare folks.) And then you have the Eagles losing to the Panthers on Sunday Night Football, because the quarterback they have is better at throwing lateral yards than forward yards. I’m telling you, even with a day filled with terrible officiating, the rest of the AFC South getting embarrassed (around the world this week! Making sure that soccer remains the most popular sport in the world…), an unfortunate season-ending injury to a NFL star running back, nothing can compare to the NFC East trying their best to out-derp each other on the way to the division title. The best part of it all is that one of these teams will be actually going to the playoffs… imagine that . It’s like a dream come true…

Here’s what else I saw yesterday during Week 7’s Sunday games…

Want to win a Razzball T-Shirt? Try out our new Fantasy Football Team Name Generator and post your favorite below in the comment section. We’ll select a random winner this Thursday!

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Big Ben Down

September 28, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 78 Comments

by: Jay

Ben Roethlisberger was forced from yesterday’s game against the Rams when Mark Barron fell onto his leg, bending it awkwardly. While my initial reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief for all the women out there who are mobile enough to out-run a one-legged man, my next reaction was that this looked to be a season-ending leg injury. As of now, the prognosis has gone from leg implosion to ACL injury to MCL sprain, which normally takes around six weeks to recover from. Still, while the news improved throughout the day, this remains a huge blow to not just Roethlisberger, but also to the entire Steelers offense. I doubt Michael Vick ever wanted to start another NFL game again, but here he is, ready to provide clumsy pocket-presence mixed with a canon arm that fires anywhere and everywhere you don’t want it to. So basically a worse Ben Roethlisberger. While Heath Miller probably will stay the same (for now and eternity), Antonio Brown, Markus Wheaton, and Martavis Bryant (when he returns) will likely have some issues to contend with. Le’Veon Bell benefits the most, as check-downs need to go somewhere, and there will be even more emphasis on the Steelers rushing game. That being said, it can be a double-edged sword when defenses start game-planning against such things, so we’ll have to see what kind of magic Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley has ready to go. Haha, Steelers are screwed. But don’t worry, Big Ben’s third leg still works ladies! (Whether you like it or not…)

Here’s what else I saw in Week 3…

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Through the Wire, Week 1: Wavier Adds, Speculative Grabs

September 8, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Waiver Wire | 98 Comments

by: Geoff

Salutations my loyal Razzscallions, and welcome to Razzball’s in-season coverage. Hopefully you found the place alright. After all, it is the internet and you don’t really need directions. Then again I get lost on the web all the time. In fact, for reasons unknown I always stumble onto the same site entirely by accident. Some sort of hub for porn. At least that’s what I tell the lovely Mrs. Lifshitz when she checks my history. No matter, you’re not here to learn about my trials and tribulations with technology. You’re here for the same reason as everyone else, to join me in belittling that goon Tehol Beddict and his strange love for Tyrod Taylor. I can neither confirm or deny if he’s been playing with Frank Beamer’s balls. But before we commence the Tehol bashing, let’s discuss some early season potential waiver adds to keep an eye on. Because maybe you had a few too many pops at that Labor Day BBQ, overslept the draft, and ended up with an autodrafted nightmare. Not to worry we got you covered you boozy loser.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Risk Management, Part 1: Running Backs

August 24, 2015 | 2015 Draft Strategy, 2015 Fantasy Football | 17 Comments

by: RotoLance

Weighing risk versus upside when it comes to drafting a player is one of the most significant ways that value is determined. The most obvious forms of risk are injury risk and age risk but we could also consider off the field concerns, situation risk (bad team, bad scheme fit), and playing time risk (competition at position) among other types of risk. This series of posts will aim to shed some light on who the more risky players are and what you should do about it. I’ll start the series by focusing on the running back position and attempting to shed some light on how risk changes as the draft proceeds. I’ll demonstrate which range (or tier) of running backs had the most risk as measured by their 2014 year end performances relative to their draft position. Later posts will focus on age and injury related risks and make some suggestions as to which early round players might be overrated this year due to those concerns.

Play fantasy football against me in the Razzball Commenter Leagues here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Football is Back, Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

August 14, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 32 Comments

by: Jay

Amen.

I just noticed this, but even though he’s really injured, Niles Paul seems like he’s looking at my “Amen” right there in total agreement. Actually, probably not. I’m probably just drunk.

Or if you’re an atheist like me, no men. Or maybe that’s being sexist. Honestly, who cares? With an offseason full of deflated balls and, well, actually, come to think of it, that’s all I can really remember. Okay, I guess it wasn’t as bad as the last offseason, where people were punched and seasons of some high profile players were already lost, you know, because of said punchings… I guess talking about your/my/Tom Brady’s balls isn’t the worst outcome in the history of man. We’ll just call it a close second. And so it was, six games of football were played last night. Sure, it’s just the first week of the preseason (with more games to come this Saturday!), but any football is good football. And while the notes you’re used to won’t go into regular season mode until the NFL does, I’m still here to overview what happened last night. So shall we dance our first dance? Don’t worry, it’s cool, I already established no men. (Did that land? Hmm, maybe I’m in preseason mode too…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Underrated: Shane Vereen

June 3, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Underrated | 22 Comments

by: Jay

While I could just copy and paste “Bill Belichick is no longer his coach” say, about 323 times and feel pretty confident about relaying substantial and relevent thoughts on why Shane Vereen is going into the season underrated, I wanted to be better than that. OR I just didn’t want the Razzball front page filled with a plethora of Bill Belichick. Mmm, plethora. That being said, while it’s easy to chaulk up Vereen’s ineffectiveness solely on the fact that the most jolly (and quite the partier) coach in the NFL trolls the running back position like no other, there are also some other factors playing into why Vereen might be a sneaky good pick up. Some might say he’s a sleeper, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows who he is, nor is he sleepy (I think? One can never be sure of another person’s sleep patterns). But underrated? Most definitely…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

AFC Plays, Week 17: Your Commissioner is a Sadist

December 26, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football Rankings, Roster Strategy | 1 Comment

by: Geoff

This post is short and to the point. Who’s playing, who’s sitting, and who’s status do you need to monitor leading up to game time for this weekend’s match ups. Week 17 is bear and it’s always a crapshoot trying to plan for championships won in this week. I got the AFC and my brother in Razz, the Hateful One, has the NFC. We’ll give you what we got and try to help you navigate through the madness. Just so we’re clear your Commissioner is an A-Hole. Really Week 17? I remember my first Fantasy League too!

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Who Are These Guys, Week 13: Jarvis and Blounthead

November 26, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 20 Comments

by: malamoney

I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole! And I could also use a few players to help me win my fantasy football playoffs. In 1993 Mike Judge gave the world the incredible gift that was Beavis and Butthead. Thank you Mike Judge. These two morons provided me with endless hours of entertainment and laughs. The adventures of these two legendary rock loving teenage delinquents originated from Frog Baseball, a short film by Judge which aired on Liquid Television in 1992. After seeing Frog Baseball, MTV contracted Judge to develop Beavis and Butthead. One of the best parts of the show was when these two idiots would sit on their couch watching music videos, offering their humorous and absurd commentary. As outrageous, lewd and immature as the show was, it was equally as funny. The dynamic couch sitting duo even reached the big screen with Beavis and Butthead Do America in 1996 and then made an encore appearance on MTV in 2011.

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One of the Better Catches I Have Ever Seen

November 24, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 57 Comments

by: Jay

Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Games, Week 12: Dangeruss In Danger

November 23, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 90 Comments

by: Jay

With the record amount of snow falling in and around the northern lake areas (also my nickname for your mom’s private parts), we’ve lost the Jets vs. Bills to Monday in Detroit. As if that was any safer. Despite having one less game on the slate (who wanted to watch that one anyways?), we have some key match-ups with playoff implications. In fact, the only game that has near zero affect on the playoff picture would probably be the Buccaneers vs. Bears, because they’re both terrible at football. Their team names also start with “B”, but the science to support that connection is suspect at best. The Lions vs. Patriots should be fascinating, if only to watch Bill Belichick troll fantasy football by giving all rushing touches to Brandon Bolden and newly (re)signed LeGarrette Blount. Another intriguing match-up should be the 9-1 (wut?) Cardinals vs. Seahawks, who were once thought to be strong repeat Super Bowl winners. But with an inconsistent season, a loss here and a 49ers win would almost assuredly complicate matters and allow a team led by Drew Stanton to have a real shot at home field throughout the playoffs. And this is why we drink folks. This is why we drink.

Week 12 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?