If you’re still reading this, congratulations! You’ve made it to the 2nd round of your league’s fantasy playoffs! All of those other chumps from last week have dropped off because of your superior team and our superior assistance! If you want to be one of the few who is still checking Razzball next week — below you’ll find the low-ownership guys who can help get you there.

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The first couple weeks are where you should spend at least fifty percent of your Free Agent Auction Budget. Yeah, I said Half. At least. Spend that money. These early weeks are mas importante. Don’t worry about dropping the money on the top guys because isn’t it better to have them and drop them than not have a possible lottery ticket? But it does seem a bit weird. We’re not taught to spend all our money right away. We’re supposed to save some for a rainy day. You can, but experience has shown me that the most valuable guys come after the first couple weeks and very often after week one. You don’t need money once the season is over (and if you don’t get one of these guys your seasons may be over a lot sooner than you think), so don’t worry about spending it now.

If you want an FAAB lesson check out the preseason column is here. Now let’s get to the good stuff.  You know these guys because everyone can’t stop talking about them. Here are the top waiver adds and what should you pay (assuming $100 FAAB Budget):

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At least, that’s what it looked like on my television. Alright, time to watch some football, let’s check out and see who’s playing… DEAR SWEET LORD, WHAT HAVE WE DONE. In between screaming “MY EYES!” and wondering if we’d finally get to watch the ever elusive halftime head coach firing (though, Gus Bradley continues to be an excellent high school football coach), there was an NFL game somewhere in there… I think? Listen, I very well may touch myself, but nothing I’ve ever done in my life makes me think I deserved that game. And granted, it’s Friday, always a plus, but forgive me if this lede spends more time complaining than analyzing. I mean, if the NFL isn’t going to bother with showing professional teams in prime time, I’m not going to bother giving much analytical thought. Well, except for one: Bortles is probably going to be a top-5 quarterback in fantasy this week. Let THAT sink in for a second…

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While many of us wondered why we would ever watch a Colts and Texans Oilers (their momma named ’em the Oilers, so I’m going to call ’em the Oilers) Sunday Night Football game, you have to remember that we all make bad life decisions. I mean, what’s the NLCS anyways? Is that like the LGBT or something? But hey, sometimes the games that you give zero efs about with no one to cheer for turn out great. This was not one of those times, at least not until the fourth quarter where we suddenly found ourselves in overtime (where I immediately said to myself: “sh*t, we’re in overtime”). Since the Texans Oilers aren’t a real team, it probably made a lot of sense there was a fairytale ending (thanks in large part to that amazing catch by Jaelen Strong shown above). On top of that, you might wonder why we’re talking about the Texans Oilers, and I’d like to use it as a fantasy football segue… Week 6 is behind us and at this point, and you should know where you are in the great and very metaphorical fantasy football landscape. Much like how the Texans Oilers, now at 4-2, know that they are a team that is in the hunt for the playoffs, they could use a little bit more help from certain players, and a little bit luck to make their push. I’d like to think that describes a majority of fantasy teams out there right now, minus the whole Brock Osweiler thing. What I’m saying here might even describe fantasy teams that find themselves atop their respective leagues, but unfortunately, probably not the teams that find themselves at the bottom with an 0-6 record. Coming back from such a deficit may not be worth thinking about, so in times like this when you are way behind (something I’m quite familiar with… something we all are), my recommendation is to drink up. I mean, don’t drink too much… motionless and face down is not how I want to see anybody. (There’s a great Bill Cosby joke around here somewhere, but I’ll settle for: I’ll take “Things Darren Sharper has never said” for $1,000 Alex.) But if you’re one of the teams lagging a bit behind, let’s say you are 1-5 or 2-4, and desperate hope combined with dark wizardry are the only vehicles driving your will to play until another fantasy obsession distracts you (granted, Texans Oilers games are technically considered torture porn, if that’s your thing), well, now is the time to do wild stuff. Do some crazy trades, make some risky decisions, just let all your inhibitions go. True, this might be like buying an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight stage four lung cancer, but… you’ve got nothing to lose. And for those of you are in the middle of all this mess? Well then, that’s why Razzball is here. Oh, and if you’re a Colts or Texans Oilers fan, I’d appreciate it if you found some different teams to like…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

afc-south

Despite being the urinal puck of the NFL last season, the AFC South is overflowing with fantasy goodness for 2016. Jump into my fantasy van (Hint: It has no windows) and I’ll guide you through the land of elite wide receivers and shiny new quarterbacks. Allow Honcho – your new and most favorite fantasy football bestie to help you navigate the numerous story lines that make up one of the most fantasy rich divisions in football. Can Andrew Luck keep his spleen in one piece this season? Will Blake Bortles remember he’s Blake Bortles or will he continue his ascent up the QB ladder? Can Marcus Mariota deliver through the air? If so, who will he throw to? Finally, is $72 million enough to convince you that Brock Osweiler actually knows what he’s doing? The suspense is too much! Let’s get started. As always, we’ll review the teams in order of predicted finish.

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A blast from the past with a cute little beat that can make your time on the toilet a little more enjoyable. You’re welcome. Now, I’m not an advocate of pursuing O.P.P. (Other People’s P???y). It’s just not my style and I think it’s dirty. With that said, I am considering DGB. Which is worse? DGB is Dorial Green-Beckham, a size/speed freak that was considered the best wide receiver prospect since Randy Moss. He was the LeBron James of high school football back in 2011. At his pro day, he measured in at 6’5″, 237 lbs. with 9″ hands and 32 1/2″ arm length. He ran the 40-yard dash in 4.49 seconds and 3-cone drill in 6.89 seconds.

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A week where we saw an undefeated be beaten by the Colts (yes, THOSE Colts) and also some more major injuries, we are getting closer and closer to fantasy football playoffs times and knowing who to have and not to have is important. That is what I do, I tell you who to have on your benches, who to play, and who to drop as well. With some injuries at quarterback and running back, there will be some players who need to be stashed or even better, grabbed and potentially be worth playing. In the past three games, Derek Carr has thrown 11 touchdowns to only one interception and is quickly turning around compared to what he did in his rookie season last year. With a solid run game and two good wide receivers to throw to in Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree. He has thrown for at least three touchdowns in the past three games as well and thrown no lower than 289 passing yards in those games as well. He is quickly proving to be match-up proof and does not show any signs of slowing down as the season progresses. For owners who may have lost Ben Roethlisberger (again) may need a quarterback on the waiver wire to pick up the slack and there may be no better option right now than Derek Carr as he continues to rack up fantasy points like crazy. And with Matt Ryan, Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, Drew Brees, and Eli Manning still having bye weeks coming up over the next two weeks, Carr could be the perfect plug-and-play quarterback.

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Bellinjuryw815

Notable injuries yesterday: EVERYONE. That’s correct my friends and fellow fantasy players, the time has come to huddle together and drown in our collective tears. And when I say tears, I don’t just mean the kind that comes out of our eyes. I’m talking the kind that comes happens to our body parts… Chances are, if you had a player on your team playing yesterday, they exploded and tore something. Entire body sections were lost yesterday, as if millions of ACLs and MCLs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Steve Smith? Out for the year with a potentially career-ending Achilles tear. Reggie Bush, carted off the field with a torn ACL. Ryan Fitzpatrick, left the game early in the first quarter. The Chargers entire roster left their game against the Ravens before the second half. (Twelve total players.) Matt Forte, an undisclosed knee injury. In fact, Andrew Luck felt so left out from yesterday’s festivities, reports were released showing that he’s been playing with fractured ribs along with a still-present shoulder injury. And, of course, Le’Veon Bell’s injury (shown above) looms large as we continue to wait on any kind of news. As of now, it appears that Bell has avoided the dreaded ACL injury and that it might just be limited to a MCL injury. That basically means a multi-week setback at best, but doesn’t rule out a season-ending one. [Update: The latest reports show that he did suffer a full tear of his MCL, most likely ending his season.] As of now, DeAngelo Williams returns to the starting role, an area which he excelled at early in the season during Bell’s suspension, and Dri Archer will also see some carries, further proving that he is still as useless as ever. Gentlemen and ladies, these are the times when I realize alcohol is an important part of the life process. Let us drink, and hopefully not be injured while doing so…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 8’s Sunday games…

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Well, I guess someone forgot to remind us that Jamaal Charles bi-annual end-of-season injury was due. Looking to go up 24-3 in the third quarter against the Bears, the Chiefs drove into the red zone, and on a seemingly normal (and patented Andy Reid run-up-the-middle with one of the best outside-the-number runners in football) play, Charles twisted his knee moving left to right (as shown above). And that’s the moment the Chiefs season ended. Based off of initial tests, it appears that Charles has suffered a torn RCL in his right knee. And if that wasn’t enough, the Bears were able to mount a comeback and win the game 18-17. If I didn’t know any better, I would say this was probably the Chiefs at their most Chiefiest moment. While many would look to Knile Davis to try and fill in for what was essentially 90% of Kansas City’s offense, Charcandrick (his stripper name, I’m sure) West will look to be Alex Smith’s new check-down artist. Yes, starting 1-4 is pretty bad. And losing your star player who handles the bulk of your offense is devastating. But hey, it could be worse… you could be the Detroit Lions…

Here’s what else I saw this past Sunday in Week 5:

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