My main takeaway from Week 9 of Thursday Night Football is that the Houston Texans have a lot of players that I have never heard of. That either means I’m really bad at my job, or that the Houston front office is even more lackluster at theirs. Four tight ends in this game were projected to score fantasy points, including the Texans’ Jordan Akins and some guy named Brevin Jordan. But it was in fact TE Teagan Quitoriano, projected for zero points in this matchup, who put Houston ahead, 7-0, with a two-yard touchdown reception from QB Davis Mills in the first quarter. Also of news: the Texans have players named Chris Moore (4 receptions, 43 yards, 1 TD) and Tyron Johnson (1 reception, eight yards). This is a real thing. On the Eagles’ side, QB Jalen Hurts (21-27, 243 yards, 2 TD; 9 carries, 23 yards) and WR A.J. Brown (4 receptions, 59 yards, 1 TD) were up to their usual tricks, but it was TE Dallas Goedert (8 receptions, 100 yards, 1 TD) and RB Miles Sanders (17 carries, 93 yards, 1 TD) who really kicked HC Lovie Smith (1 really white beard, 1 win, 6 losses) in the crotch.

Here’s what else I saw in another riveting edition of Thursday Night Football.

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If your Week 2 was anything like what fans of Baltimore, Cleveland, and Las Vegas experienced, then you’re waking up on Tuesday in the depths of despair. Fortunately, the season is young and there’s plenty of time to right the ship once the page is turned. Unfortunately, the waiver wire isn’t all that enticing this week, and there’s an armadillo turning my backyard into the next Holes remake. However, if you’re a relentless quarterback streamer or in a two-QB league, there are some intriguing options for you this week — not to mention some serious finds at the wide receiver position should your league mates not have gobbled them up yet. If you’re in a waiver order-based league and not in dire need, this is a week to stand as firm as Snoop Dogg’s buttcheeks in the TSA line. In deeper formats and leagues utilizing FAAB, proceed with caution. I wouldn’t use more than 15-20% on even the top names listed, although you could validate up to 25-30% if you’re so desperate your season-long competitiveness calls for it. Hopefully, you’re not in that position this early. Onward we go!

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  It’s your buddy Mitch Staniger checking in and proving to be a real five-tool asset to Razzball and the fantasy sports community.  OK, maybe five-tool is a stretch, so let’s just agree to agree on two-tool; DFS baseball and fantasy football advice.  Now that that is out of the way and I am done […]

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Running backs ranked 40 thru 80 is money time for the fantasy managers looking to employ the RB Zero, RB Hero, or Wide Net approach to the position. If you can hit on a player or two from this group, they can improve your fantasy fortunes. Knowledge is the key. Not all third-string running backs are created equal. Good fantasy managers will know which backups are high-upside youngsters and which backups are aging veterans in the din of their NFL career. I recommend readers pay less attention to the rank of the players in this group, and more to their story, as the rankings from this group can be capricious. Pick out a dozen or so that you like, and make a point to get some of them.

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After Jonathan Taylor made me do the TD stutter last week, I get to do another 4 T-Banger for Leonard Fournette. Let’s do a montage! [cue wavy lines and St. Elmo’s Fire starts playing] Last year, Leonard Fournette was going to be the RB1 on the Jacksonville Jaguars, and right before the regular season, the Jags dumped him for…nothing. The guy who had been the face of the team in 2019…and being the face of the Jags isn’t saying much…but the guy who was the offense for the lackluster 2019 Jags was without a job in 2020. He got picked up by the Tampa Bay Buccanneers, a team that was lush with running backs. Like, you couldn’t wave a covid stick in that training room without hitting Ronald Jones, LeSean McCoy, or Dare Ogunbowale. Lenny jumped in with the team, took some time to buy into the system, and by the 2020 Super Bowl run, he had found his footing. Fast forward to 2021 [record scratch] — Lenny’s stepping in when The Goat doesn’t have his A-Game. Tom Brady was merely mortal this week with 226 yards in the air, while Lenny went for 100 on the ground and 3 TDs and another 7 catches for 31 yards and a TD. Not bad for a guy that was taken as your RB2 or FLEX in draft season this year, right? 

Let’s see who else made the news for Week 12 Fantasy Football: 

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We’ve officially passed the halfway point of the fantasy football season. Some of us are riding high with 6-2 records basking in dreams and visions of fantasy championships on the horizon. The rest of us have located our local friendly time traveling scientist to convert our 2018 Nissan Rogue into a time machine. I honestly need an oil change as I have trouble getting it above 88 miles per hour. So, I guess I can’t go back and should instead focus on digging myself out of this hole without having the kiss my mother or have her see me in my undies. I’m talking of course of the waiver wire and where we’re going, you’ll need the waiver wire.

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I was working in the lab, late one night. When my eyes beheld an eerie sight. For my monster on his slab began to rise and suddenly to my surprise… He did the Mash. The Monster Mash

Just take these wise words in for a moment. Breathe them in. The monster… he did the mash. And don’t we all do the mash sometimes, much to the chagrin and sometimes excitement to our contemporaries? Yes, even sometimes it will truly be a “graveyard smash”. 

What was this section about? Oh uh Halloween injury report. Right. There was a thread here but I got carried away in the poetry of Bobby “Boris” Pickett & The Crypt Kickers (Side note: Here’s a great TV performance of Bobby Pickett doing the Monster Mash, a real masterclass in making really weird faces and being a weirdo).

The teams who will have some extra trick-or-treating time on bye this week are the Ravens and the Raiders. See ya next week! 

Let’s get into this week’s horror show!

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B_Don is back from Vegas and he brought in JB Barry to fill in while DT is stuck out there paying debts off to the Vegas cashiers. I wonder what is harder, the recovery after 4 days in Vegas or surviving Bye-mageddon? 

We run through positions starting with the signal callers. We talk about where we are on Tua for the rest of the season. Then, we talk about who currently falls into our QB5 spot in dynasty. On a much shorter timeline, we talk about what we’re doing with Aaron Rodgers this week sans Davante Adams and Allen Lazard. 

We move on to RBs with some of the more intriguing time split situations Elijah Mitchell, Damien Harris,  Kenneth Gainwell, and Myles Gaskin. We wrap up the show with some TE talk where we discuss the former Eagles duo of Dallas Goedert and Zach Ertz. Finally, we wrap up with a discussion about Mike Gesicki and what his value looks like over the ROS.

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