Greetings! Tis I, returning to the glorious world of writing after three long years studying the art forms of Yoga, selflessness and celibacy. I won’t dedicate a significant amount of time discussing the past, as I prefer to live in the now, but in order to make an agonizingly long and fascinating story short (Details saved for the book), my Guru instructed me to expunge my pen name, Tehol Beddict; for in order to shed the purest levels of light and love, one must crawl from the shadows, exposing their mind, body, and soul, for all to witness, for all to judge like Sir William Wallace on the execution block. Yes, there’s a reasonable chance I have my genitals and intestines removed with a dull shovel, get stretched like Rita Farr making sweet love to Mr. Fantastic, only to then receive the kind of whooping Adrian Peterson himself would be proud of before ultimately being beheaded……….BUT, there’s also a decent chance that Mel Gibson makes a movie detailing the events of my life. Say one thing for Mel Gibson, say he’s a psychotic anti-semitic, racist, who’s fall from grace has been been more horrendous than celebrity that is not currently rotting in prison. You know who also had a fall from what was a brief grace? My man, Tygod! The Rodfather! Read on, if you’re curious as to why the man is ranked by PFF, ahead of some of your fantasy faves like: Drew Lock, Josh Allen, Teddy Bridgewater, Daniel Jones, my boy Gardner Minshew and Joe Burrow. He’s two spots behind KYLER MURRAY! Interested yet? Take heed! 

 

Those of you who know me from back in the olden days (maybe like two of you) will undoubtedly recall that I was the FIRST analyst to go on the record saying Tyrod Taylor would win the starting job for Buffalo in camp, and be a solid fantasy option at that. There I go again, being the opposite of selfless, but I’m just trying to reiterate the fact that I’ve been Rod supporter since his days at Virginia Tech. The man was able to produce at a high level for the Bills, with arguably the worst weapons we, as human beings, have ever witnessed. Sammy Watkins was injured for what seemed like the entirety of Taylor’s Buffalo tenure, leaving Charley Clay, who was also incredibly injury prone, as his number one option. What Taylor was able to accomplish in that pathetic situation was almost godlike in my opinion. I won’t dwell on the past, as again, I like to live in the present, so no need to speak on the atrocities that occurred in the dumpster fire which some of you refer to as the Browns of Cleveland. Let’s talk about what’s happening in the gorgeous, currently locked down city of Angels! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alright, alright, alright. I keep getting older but I stay looking the same age. That may be because of the lipo, as I’ve had enough fat sucked out of my glutes to choke Moby Dick. Adrian Peterson certainly doesn’t require any amount of liposuction, as the man is built straight out of the Elder Gods’s fantasies. At 6’1″ and 220 pounds, this man could run through a concrete wall and probably destroy ISIS in its entirety this weekend. Peterson was also a winner in the courtroom this week, pleading no contest to one count of misdemeanor reckless assault, which hit him with a monstrous $4,000.00 fine and a couple hours of community service. That one’s really got dent the old pocket book, eh? Let’s just say he won’t be taking any of his 27 kids to shopping sprees in the short term.

Being that this case was handled in court, and it comes off as such a minor offense, I would have to assume AP will be eligible to play in Week 11. I know what you’re thinking… “There’s still no way Peterson beats out Asiata, right? The guy has scored more often than Beddict at a Sandals resort Halloween party.” Sorry, Asiata and McKinnon fans, this is Peterson’s show, and when he rides in like a gallant stallion to carry the Vikings to a playoff birth, Coach Zimmer will not stand in his path. Has there ever been a superior roster addition this late in the season in fantasy history? Josh Gordon is already owned everywhere, so the answer, guys and gals, is a resounding no. This is truly incredible, as any fantasy team that was bordering on playoff contention now has a legit shot at the title if they were able to swoop up AP. For my roster, I’m assuming he’s going to be an upgrade over Ben Tate and Chris Ivory… but I’ve been wrong before. Kudos to you if you had the foresight to grab AP a couple weeks back or were gifted him on this week’s waiver wire claims. I see mountainous orgies and many glorious victories in your future. Now, if you weren’t blessed with AP on the wire… may the Elder Gods take mercy on your souls.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MFer I’m a monster in this game, similar to the Lochness. My writing’s nappy rooted, all my pieces have a process. Greetings all! Tis I, Beddict, back with more fantasy football goodness, and boy am I excited tonight. No, not because Chris Johnson scored 2 TDs on Thursday night football, but for the reason that more biblical fairy tales are being turned into movies. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been hungrily awaiting a Passion of the Christ sequel. We aren’t receiving that YET, but it’s bound to happen some day right. We can always count on Uncle Mel to deliver us the classics. Instead we get my main man Russell Crowe in the blockbuster, Noah, and man does it look scrumptious. While it doesn’t have Gibson’s maniacal touch, it does reunite Crowe with Jennifer Connelly as they, with God’s help, wipe the face of the earth of all other human life. The Elder Gods laugh hysterically about these children’s tails but one has to wonder how Hollywood has waited so long to turn these fascinating works of fiction into billion dollar hits. This is only the beginning as we should soon expect big budget pictures about Peter walking on water, the Ethiopian in the desert, the stoning of Stephen, Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, Daniel in the lion’s den, and the aforementioned Christ sequel. I for one am praying on a trilogy depicting the battle of David and Goliath, Hobbit style. Peter Jackson would be a perfect fit in bringing these storybooks to life and if the Gods will it, Elijah Wood could even play the role of David. Hollywood is sitting on a goldmine and we are the main benefactors. Rejoice!

I should probably now write something regarding football since that’s why they pay me the big bucks. Let’s lead off with John Carlson since he seemingly returned from the dead like Jesus Christ himself. Take heed.

I should probably now write something regarding football since that’s why they pay me the big bucks. Let’s lead off with John Carlson since he seemingly returned from the dead like Jesus Christ himself. Take heed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?