Part of being a fantasy analyst is that you’re always, at least to some degree, a contrarian. And being a critic and being contrarian are two different things: the former involves the deployment of data to make an argument, and the latter is going up when others go down [wait, what site am I writing for again?]. The most effective moments in fantasy analysis are when criticism and contrarianism connect, and the fantasy analyst makes a predictive move that could help readers win their fantasy leagues. 

Now, I’m not claiming oracle status, but I will claim a short victory lap on Ryan Fitzpatrick, who I warned my readers to stay away from. 

The (Fitz) magic disappeared on Tuesday, October 20, 2020, when rookie signal caller Tua Tagovailoa was named the starter for the Miami Dolphins. 

Therein lies the vex of fantasy analysis: some of the stuff we say seems, well, loco. Fitzpatrick had been putting up pretty good fantasy numbers. But (and it’s a Blair’s been sitting here writing this update for too-long sized but), Fitzpatrick’s peripheral numbers were terrible. Last week, I pointed out that Fitzpatrick was struggling with moving the ball down the field, was throwing too many interceptions, and had an on-target percentage sandwiched in-between Trubisky and Haskins, each of whom had lost their starting job this year. And now, the Fitzmagic has disappeared. 

Aye, I definitely am a bit crazy. But, if I saved you some cash by navigating you away from Fitzpatrick this season, then take a moment to consider an add-free subscription to the site, or, for less than $2/week remaining on the season, get a Roto Deluxe membership to get all of Rudy’s fresh projections updated for Tua Tagovailoa as the starter. 

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A lot of people think fantasy writers spend our days and nights surrounded by B-list rappers from the 2000s (I see you Chingy!), 16 big-screen TVs playing NFL Red Zone, and Mike Mayock on speed dial (does Twitter have speed dial?). OK, that’s actually how Grey and Donkey Teeth spend their days. But me? I’m a lowly midwestern Vikings fan living in Packers territory running DSL off a bankrupt company. Thanks to the novel piranhavirus that delayed the Titans/Bills game, I’m submitting this article before some of the top quarterbacks have even finished playing. But, I’m not alone in my wishes to be hanging with Luda, have a fiber connection, and a direct line to Dick Butkus (wait, did I say that last part?). Most of the fantasy world is delayed right now due to scoring glitches caused by Tuesday night football. So, let’s huddle up…no, not that close…and take a look at how the quarterbacks are shaping up for the rest of your fantasy football season. 

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When I first started writing with Razzball, I was fairly convinced it was one of those MLM-schemes. You know, the kind of thing like scented candles, or really expensive vitamin patches, or leggings that don’t improve your yoga whatsoever. Because when I came into Razzball Headquarters for the interview, Donkey Teeth had all of that going on in his office. “Can I offer you a Cran-Razzle-Berry Tonic Water?” he started, his zebra-striped leggings leaving little to the imagination. “It’s fortified with Taurine!” I politely declined, reaching for a chair before DT pulled the splits to stop me. “Can’t let you sit in that before I cleanse it!” he said with a smile. He pulled out some sort of chicken feather duster and chanted as he cleaned the seat. I swore the chant was to the tune of the Super Bowl Shuffle. When the chair was properly cleansed, I took a seat and pulled out a folder that had my rankings inside, ready to do my interview. DT had no desk in his office, just a giant bench that I later found out he stole from the sidelines of Soldier Field before it was demolished. “Let me introduce you to my co-editor, Kerryon,” he said, gesturing to the Fathead of Kerryon Johnson on the wall. I laughed, which really didn’t help things. I handed over my rankings, proud of my #1 choice, Lamar Jackson. DT just laughed, and I asked what he found funny about my rankings. “There’s no hot takes in here!” he said, his zebra-striped legs man-spreading across the Soldier Field bench. “There’s promise, yes, but not a single hot take.” DT said he would bring me on board, as long as I started getting others on board with some bold takes. 

Four weeks later, Justin Herbert appeared in the top 12 of this ranking series. DonkeyTeeth, I hope I made you proud! 

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Just north of Chicago, Fermilab was one of the most important sites in the Manhattan Project, which resulted in the development of the first atomic bombs during World War II. Throughout the Cold War, the particle accelerator at Fermilab crashed protons together at speeds nearing that of light, and scientists investigated their interactions to learn the deepest secrets of the universe. With research budgets under attack, the scientists at Fermilab brought in the top minds from Japan to work with the local businesses — namely the Chicago Bears — to study the deepest secrets of quarterbacks. With some of the nuances of English lost in translation, many of the Japanese scientists said they had unlocked the energy that would bring success to the Bears’ franchise quarterback. The report they drew up was titled, “Big Mitch Power.” 

But there was a group of dissenting scientists who argued that “Big Nick Power” was the secret to the Bears’ success in 2020. They kept pointing to the salary of the Bears’ backup quarterback, Nick Foles, as the proof that the incumbent Trubisky was indeed a “Little Mitch.” Meanwhile, Big Nick Power had the arm and the salary to justify his stature as the Bears starting quarterback going forward. 

Until Week 3, it was unknown whether Bears’ head coach Matt Nagy was concerned about his QB being a “Little Mitch,” but when Trubisky failed to inspire the Bears offense during their matchup against the Falcons, Nagy indeed outed himself as a believer in Big Nick Power. 

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You ever watch that move Napoleon Dynamite? Come on, you’re looking at advanced statistics for your imaginary football team — I KNOW you’ve got that movie on DVD and a “Vote for Pedro” shirt sitting non-ironically in your closet. ENYWHEY, there’s the character of Uncle Rico, who kept taking film of himself throwing a football in an effort to chuck it over a local mountain or grain field or really, just about any object that could be placed in front of him. Now, after the complete decimation that your fantasy football team received in week 2, are you thinking, nay, hoping that some team will sign Uncle Rico so he can bring his swagger and dynamite — see what I did there? — arm to your favorite team? Well, worry not! Blake Bortles has come back! Undrafted free agent Nick Mullens is taking the field! Taysom Hill is making $8 million to be the third best quarterback on the Saints and he’s completed 6 passes in his NFL career. And Kaep is still on the outside. At this point, let’s give Uncle Rico a shot. Heck, Gardner Minshew is 90% Uncle Rico DNA. Fingers crossed no more QBs get hurt in Week 3, otherwise you should be gearing up to start Dwayne Haskins in your next DFS hot taek.  

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Did you know that Rudy Gamble spent a full year at BBQ joints across the south and midwest studying to prepare the Pigskinonator? That’s dedication! Ultimately, pit bosses got wise to his tricks when he kept complaining about the “small sample size” of pulled pork he was getting. After his sojourn, Rudy returned to the nacho-cheese coated interior of Razzball Headquarters and developed the most advanced imaginary football management player performance predictor in existence: The Pigskinonator. Ultimately we had to get a restaurant permit because it turned out that Rudy really did roast a whole hog every time he ran the numbers. He said offers of roasted pork shoulder really appeased the fantasy football gods. Anywho. You should take a gander at the premium football offerings that Rudy provides because they’re legitimately the best way to think about whether you want to start Boston Scott or Nyheim Hines this week. Starting at $1 a week, you’re getting Rudy’s constantly updated weekly rankings, which account for, well, everything. If you’re into daily fantasy, check out the DFS option, which gives you an awesome lineup optimization tool that will make setting a competitive DFS lineup a breeze. On Rudy’s #1 projected lineup for the Thurs-Monday slate on DraftKings last week, I made nearly 300% return on investment. Whether it be your office league or DFS, all fantasy sports is about stacking the odds, and it’s good to have a tool in your belt that can help out in a pinch. 

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[put on the chillhop radio station and just let it flow] 

Welcome everyone! It’s a privilege to have you here in the Year of the Bubble. No doubt you’ve been refreshing training camp vids and working on your Austin Ekeler-style abs for the past few months. Some of you have been following Razzball Football in the off-season the whole way and you have read every last word. Thank you! Some of you are coming out of fantasy football hibernation right now, and you’re looking for the best fantasy football content to help you win your (virtual) office league. Welcome back! 

Without further ado, let’s kickoff our weekly look at the Top 30 Quarterbacks!

Top 30 Quarterbacks Header

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Quarantine Day 31:

 I sneezed yesterday and my girlfriend (still imaginary) kicked me out of our virus bunker. I’m now writing this from the back yard where I’m sheltering in place under my handmade wigwam shelter. Finally all of those episodes of Naked and Afraid are paying off. I’m not afraid out here but I am very naked. Hope the neighbors don’t mind. Actually, as a Bears fan I’m beyond afraid of our quarterback situation. Remember when the Bears drafted Trubisky over Mahomes and Watson? You do? Damn, was hoping that was just a bad dream! Anyway, here’s my top 40 quarterbacks for 2020 dynasty football: 

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Strategy hardly ever changes for quarterbacks. Late round quarterback has been the way to go for quite some time in the fantasy football world. The last two seasons we had eruptions from late round quarterbacks Patrick Mahomes and Lamar Jackson. We even had a big late season showing from Jameis Winston who was being drafted outside of the top 10 of quarterbacks. Fantasy football seems so easy!

The difficulty always lies in finding the RIGHT late round quarterback. If you put your sleeper eggs into the Mitchell Trubisky basket, you probably found yourself drowning your sorrows in a bottle Malort. Ahh, Malort. My favorite Malort saying is, “It’s easier telling someone that you have nothing to live for.” 

Rookie quarterbacks are so exciting. There are always a few exciting new names to look closely at. I was extremely impressed watching Joe Burrow a couple of weeks back. We already know that Burrow is 99.99999% going to be a Cincinnati Bengal next year. Unless he decides to pull an Eli Manning and tells his agent that he would refuse to sign in a rust belt industrial purgatory. So assuming Burrow ends up smoking cigars in Cincinnati, the Bengals would be wise to improve their offensive line during free agency. The Bengals ranked 26th in the NFL in adjusted sack rate in 2019. 

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Holiday weather is here, folks! The entire East coast was one big wind storm and it greatly affected the game play. The scores were low, kickers were missing a bunch of kicks and quarterback play was way down in that part of the country. Even Russell Wilson struggled to get anything going. We will see more and more of this as we head into the fantasy playoffs. With weather becoming more of a factor, it makes the lineup decisions a bit more complicated on a week to week basis. It helps to have drafted good running backs early in the draft. I’m talking directly to you zero RB truthers out there. Let’s get to what I saw during the early games on Sunday, starting with the quickest and least exciting game of them all in Buffalo. 

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