Welcome to the Razzball Streamer series… I am writing this a day later than usual because Game 7 of the World Series had me too stressed yesterday. I’ve been a Cubs fan since a kid, one of my favorite memories from when I was young was seeing Sammy Sosa hit a game changing home run in the 7th inning against the Diamondbacks while me and my dad cheered from seats down the 3rd baseline at Wrigley Field. Last year, we went to a couple Cubs games at Miller Park in early August when they were in the heat of the Wild Card race.
Nothing compares to last night. I wasn’t within a 300 mile radius of Cleveland, but the energy at my house was unreal. I got to watch it unfold with my wife, my dad, my kid, and a couple of my good friends. It is still surreal that I cared about baseball in November. I’m 28 years old and can’t imagine what it was like for fans twice or three times my age to finally see the Cubs win the World Series. I guess it is just nice to be in the winner’s circle for once. I’ve never been in a better mood. So I’ll try and pass you these good vibes with some good streamers for Week 9!
For those that didn’t follow, today’s title was meant to be read in your best cheerleader shouting voice. Go ahead, give it a try. Nice job. Each week I pull out the duct tape and attempt to scrap together a lineup using players sitting on the waiver wire that would not only compete with the best teams in fantasy leagues, but also beat them. This week I had my work cut out for me as there were a lot of high scoring teams. In one of my RCL’s thomas’s Rad Team scored 189.08 points. In another, Heisenberg Empire scores 184.06. Those, my friends, are a sh!t ton of points. First place in the Razzball Writer’s League (me) is averaging 128 points per week. So like I said, I had my work cut out for me this week. But rest assured, there’s no lineup I can’t conquer. I present to you a 203.7 point week 7 lineup comprised mostly of players considered duds.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? I think that’s how that goes. Here’s my version. Jonathan Stewart was a Duck. Jonathan Stewart had no luck. Without a hammy, what was he? He was Fozzy Whittaker’s ticket to a one hundred yard rushing day. Ok, so that wasn’t very good. How about this one. JStew knew what to do. JStew his hammy blew. JStew knew it true, do you? Admittedly that was not much better. I could keep going with the mediocre attempts, but, contrary to popular belief, I have better things to do. Jonathan Stewart went down. Fozzy Whittaker stepped up, and has been named to my weekly “Are you sh!tting me with this lineup” lineup…
What a weird week. I’m not talking about how the Falcons Devonta Freeman was the only player last week to score more points than Chiefs Kicker Cairo Santos, it was just the fact that HOLY COW DEVONTA FREEMAN WAS THE ONLY PLAYER TO DO BETTER THAN CAIRO SANTOS. At this point, it’s just best to give up and start playing Daily Fantasy Hockey. That’s what I’m doing. Seriously though, Alec Martinez is such a value play. Yes, he’s behind Drew Doughty, but the Sharks’ offense isn’t all that, he’s on the second PP and Defensive Lines and plus, his ATOI was almost close to 20 minutes per game last year! C’etait incroyable! Anyhow, I may have said to start Colin Kaepernick last week, but I am very confident in saying that both Carson Palmer and Alec Martinez will eventually make me very happy. I love you Carson Palmer and Alec Martinez. But DFS Hockey isn’t what Jay wants me to do. So let’s do what Jay wants me to do.
New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.
I wonder if Peyton Manning was going against himself in fantasy football last week? Less than 5 points from Peyton during the fantasy playoffs sounds like a fantasy football player’s worst nightmare. How many teams did the prince of Papa Johns let down? And why does he wear a helmet that’s 3 sizes too small? Speaking of 5 fantasy points, that’s the total number of combined points scored by LeSean McCoy and Alfred Morris. And while we’re putting together an all-star squad of undroppable players that scored less than 5 points, let’s add Demaryius Thomas, Josh Gordon and Jimmy Graham,who combined for 8.6 points. You’re sh*tting me, right? Those six studs put up a grand total of 18.52 points!
I hate to talk ill of you on the last read of the season, I really do. I only dole out tough love when tough love is due but I think this situation is ripe for it. You shouldn’t really care about what I’m typing right now. Ok, ok, ok, I’m alright if you care because your championship is two weeks long. Not perfect but it is reasonable. But really, even in a week 17 in which games actually mattered, the fantasy football season should not be judged by the scoring leader board we got this week. Sure, LeGarrette Blount has slowly worked is way into the cockles of Belichick’s heart over the course of the season. Really let’s face facts, though; Bill’s been looking for a BenJarvus Green-Ellis impersonator since day one. Congrats, Billy boy, looks like you found your man. Blount finished with 189 rushing yards and 2 TDs on the day and 334 all purpose yards to set a Patriots franchise record and the 11th most in NFL history. That’s a pretty wild day and great if you had it on your team…but really? Did you come into 2013 saying ‘I can’t wait to sit Jamaal Charles and start Blount’? Even in a week where there were so many important games on Sunday, it was still an odd fantasy day overall as we’ll cover a bit…and by that I mean drill bit. I’m gonna drive this point home people! But for serious, I’m happy for you and Ima let you finish but week 16 championships are the great of all time…OF ALL TIME! Ok, I’m done lambasting you…for now. Here’s what else I saw from the final week of the season for 2013 Fantasy Football…