Did you know that Rudy Gamble spent a full year at BBQ joints across the south and midwest studying to prepare the Pigskinonator? That’s dedication! Ultimately, pit bosses got wise to his tricks when he kept complaining about the “small sample size” of pulled pork he was getting. After his sojourn, Rudy returned to the nacho-cheese coated interior of Razzball Headquarters and developed the most advanced imaginary football management player performance predictor in existence: The Pigskinonator. Ultimately we had to get a restaurant permit because it turned out that Rudy really did roast a whole hog every time he ran the numbers. He said offers of roasted pork shoulder really appeased the fantasy football gods. Anywho. You should take a gander at the premium football offerings that Rudy provides because they’re legitimately the best way to think about whether you want to start Boston Scott or Nyheim Hines this week. Starting at $1 a week, you’re getting Rudy’s constantly updated weekly rankings, which account for, well, everything. If you’re into daily fantasy, check out the DFS option, which gives you an awesome lineup optimization tool that will make setting a competitive DFS lineup a breeze. On Rudy’s #1 projected lineup for the Thurs-Monday slate on DraftKings last week, I made nearly 300% return on investment. Whether it be your office league or DFS, all fantasy sports is about stacking the odds, and it’s good to have a tool in your belt that can help out in a pinch.Please, blog, may I have some more?
[put on the chillhop radio station and just let it flow]
Welcome everyone! It’s a privilege to have you here in the Year of the Bubble. No doubt you’ve been refreshing training camp vids and working on your Austin Ekeler-style abs for the past few months. Some of you have been following Razzball Football in the off-season the whole way and you have read every last word. Thank you! Some of you are coming out of fantasy football hibernation right now, and you’re looking for the best fantasy football content to help you win your (virtual) office league. Welcome back!
Without further ado, let’s kickoff our weekly look at the Top 30 Quarterbacks!Please, blog, may I have some more?
There are a few theories to why the Bears brought Nick Foles into the quarterback room in Chicago. My guess was that it was to light a fire under two and a half year starter Mitch Trubisky. You know, make him realize that there is a possibility that he wouldn’t be the starter and it would be a motivator. It appears that the Bears are willing to do what it takes to win right now just one year removed from a playoff appearance. They still have a pretty good defense and Allen Robinson in his prime.
Reports suggest that Nick Foles has a slight edge in the pursuit of the starting job over Mitch Trubisky. The Rotoworld blurb continued by saying Mitch is making a bunch of mistakes and struggling with accuracy while Nick has been steady but not spectacular. From a fantasy perspective, Nick Foles is what Anthony Miller and Allen Robinson enthusiasts like myself want to see. While Nick Foles’ ceiling height is that of an upstairs attic in a horror movie, he will at least be able to get the ball to Miller and Robinson without too much of an issue.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Quarantine Day 31:
I sneezed yesterday and my girlfriend (still imaginary) kicked me out of our virus bunker. I’m now writing this from the back yard where I’m sheltering in place under my handmade wigwam shelter. Finally all of those episodes of Naked and Afraid are paying off. I’m not afraid out here but I am very naked. Hope the neighbors don’t mind. Actually, as a Bears fan I’m beyond afraid of our quarterback situation. Remember when the Bears drafted Trubisky over Mahomes and Watson? You do? Damn, was hoping that was just a bad dream! Anyway, here’s my top 40 quarterbacks for 2020 dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The dynamic duo are back from a short hiatus to bring you some news and notes from around the league. Sports may be suspended, but that hasn’t stopped NFL free agency or trades.
B_Don and Donkey Teeth discuss the DeAndre Hopkins/David Johnson trade rape, and the fall out for each team. We discuss Todd Gurley landing in Atlanta and Stefon Diggs to the Bills before breaking down the free agent signings by position. Let us help snap you out of that non-sports COVID funk!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Quarantine Day 11:
2-ply is but a distant dream. We’re in the endgame now: poop showers.
The average American 401k value has sunken below my prized Ryan Leaf card collection. And even worse, Belgium has, “outlawed non-essential indoor sexual activity of three people or more.” The horror!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clap once if your owner is sick of your sh*t. Clap twice if you got washed at home by Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills on Thanksgiving. Clap ferociously if the Miami Dolphins kept you in the division race!! Jason Garrett needs to send 100 Christmas gift baskets to DeVante Parker’s home. All of the lotions, candy canes, Starbucks special blends, hot chocolate, maybe even a Visa gift card or two.
DeVante Parker’s career was looking dead in the water after 4 disappointing seasons as a first round draft pick from the great University of Louisville that lost me money this weekend against Kentucky. DeVante Parker has completely turned it around in 2019. In fact, he is now an every week fantasy football starter and it’s not close going into the playoffs. Parker is easily on pace for his first 1,000 yard season and his previous career high was 744. Parker is just 4 receptions short of his previous career high and already has 2 more touchdowns than his previous highest mark.
There’s definitely a possibility that Adam Gase is the match that lit the dumpster fire that were his first 4 seasons. In fact, it’s most likely a large factor. Playing with Ryan Fitzpatrick has also most likely been a game changer for Parker. Also, Brian Flores just seems like a delight to play for. He cares, you can tell. I picked up on this during their Monday Night Football game against the Steelers. It’s a totally different culture in Miami. And sometimes, a different culture is what a player needs, even if a change to a different squad doesn’t happen. Here is what else I saw in the early slate on Sunday.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Nobody saw it coming in August, but the NFL game of the year is this weekend between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens. Apparently, nobody at the NFL offices noticed as two week ago either as they kept it on the noon slate. We have detailed these teams throughout the season and touched on the Ravens now elite defense in last week’s article.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are one week away from the playoffs and this is the time for people to clinch their spot. This week I have some streamers that will help you clinch a spot in your league’s playoffs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
A quick google search tells me there’s only three predators capable of killing a Jaguar. The first is the anaconda—that big ass snake from the Jon Voight movie. The second is the caiman—these little gator looking guys in Mexico and South America. And the third, of course, is Derrick Henry—which makes sense because he looks a lot like a Predator. In week 13 last year, Henry took 17 carries for 238 yards and 4 touchdowns. I remember that game well because I was required to attend a 2.5 hour holiday lights trolley tour on that Thursday night which, to my surprise, turned out to be much more pleasant than watching Derrick Henry destroy my fantasy hopes and dreams before the week even started. Fast forward around 12 months, if you were playing against The Predator this week then I hope you also had a long Sunday afternoon holiday light trolley tour to attend. Henry rumbled for 159 yards on 19 carries plus another 16 yards on 1 reception and 2 touchdowns—he has 10 touchdowns on the season and is now under protest by PETA for his crimes against Jaguars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?